Clairvoyant - Changlix

13 - Commands

"Changbin, can I talk to you real quick?"

It was the end of high school youth group on Thursday night, and Changbin was tidying up the chairs and picking up garbage scattered on the ground. He waved to Seungmin across the room to continue his work, and took a walk with the pastor behind the main stage.

"What is it, pastor Jung?" Changbin was surprised to be singled out, but, of course, there must be a reason.

"Changbin." Jung paused in his familiar deliberate way. "I've been worried about you since we got back from the mission trip a few weeks ago."

"Oh?" Changbin feigned innocence. "How so?"

"Your friends have been worried about you. They asked me to talk to you about your...visions."

His body suddenly felt cold. "It's something I've been struggling with for many years." He left it at that, but he knew that wasn't good enough to be left alone.

"They said it's gotten worse lately."

"It has, but they've helped me through it. I'm very blessed."

And Changbin meant it. Though he hadn't had a vision since going to breakfast on Sunday, the false memories had played through his mind. He drew strength from them, and getting to hang out and know Felix more made Changbin believe that, if nothing else, they'd become very good friends, similar to how he was with Minho and Chan.

"That you are."

They had slowly meandered to a room behind the stage where the youth leaders would meet sometimes. It was a simple square room, painted white, with a round table in the middle with several chairs. It was big enough to have a long rectangular table in the corner with a few computers and chairs for research and not have them get in the way. Pastor Jung gestured towards a chair at the round table, and Changbin held back a laugh at the memory of him doing the same to Felix.

In his visions. Not real life. It didn't happen.

Figuring out which was which was getting harder. Perhaps this chat came at a good time. Changbin folded his hands in his lap and tried to figure out where pastor Jung was going with this. The only thing Changbin could notice was a soft smile, but it was always there, regardless of how many people were listening.

"What did you think of the talk tonight?"

"It gave me a lot to think about."

That night's sermon was on John 15. It was about loving others, and how Jesus' love is strong enough to bring you joy. His actual talk with Felix swirled in his mind with all the other interactions. Changbin mentioned to him that the kiss brought him joy and a sense of completeness he had never felt. When he read verse 11, which said 'I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete,' it brought a lot of conflict to Changbin's heart. He even felt Felix's eyes on him from across the room, sitting with his brother, though he knew better than to acknowledge it. Being one of the most high profile and beloved leaders in the group, he didn't want to risk getting caught, even if it did hurt Felix's feelings.

"Which verses stuck out to you?" The pastor asked the question innocently enough, but Changbin didn't feel good about where this line of questioning was going.

"Verse 17, of course, commanding us to love each other..." Why can't I just lie like a normal teenager? "But verses 11 and 12 stood out as well."

"Why is that?"

"I like the idea that the Lord's joy is in me so my joy may be complete. So that I feel complete."

"Do you not feel complete lately?"

Changbin looked away, trying to hide his frown. "With dad and Nabi gone, it's hard to feel complete sometimes." He looked back up at pastor Jung to express his struggles directly. "It's been really hard."