Clairvoyant - Changlix

6 - Divine Guidance

"Lord, please help me through this struggle I am having. Allow me to find the answers in your word that will help me find peace. I also pray for my friends, that you will give them guidance to help me through this time, and also give me the strength and humble spirit to let them support me, as brothers in Christ are compelled to do. In Jesus' name, Amen."

He loosened his grip on his bible that he clutched in his hands held in prayer as he kept his eyes closed. Placing the closed book in front of him, he ruffled the pages through his fingers, keeping his thumb grounded on the faux leather cover. Once he lost track of which bible book was where (which, for Changbin, was quite difficult), he hooked his index and middle finger and pushed the book open. He plopped his finger down, and cradled the book back into his hands.

Changbin opened his eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the fading light, to find himself in Jeremiah 23. His finger was flattened against the page, meaning he needed to look at multiple verses in the chapter instead of the specific verse where his finger landed. He knew it was a silly system, but it worked for him, and became a bit of a superstition that helped him many times over his life.

"Verse 25." He mumbled to himself.

"I have heard what the prophets say who prophesy lies in my name. They say, 'I had a dream! I had a dream!' How long will this continue in the hearts of these lying prophets, who prophesy the delusions of their own minds?"

He scanned a few lines down to verse 28.

"Let the prophet who has a dream recount the dream, but let the one who has my word speak it faithfully."

These visions never really came true, he reflected, except the one about Nabi, and that didn't match up exactly. His mind flashed to her gentle nature and how amazing she is. She had to do what was best for her and go to college out of state. They decided it would be too hard to maintain their relationship long distance. Both their hearts ached because of the decision, but it was for the best. If it was meant to be, they would find each other again.

Maybe some of the anxiety behind seeing the boy in white wasn't as much about the sinful nature, but instead starting something new without her. Verse 28 said to let the dream be a dream, but as long as he had the word of God, he could be faithful and continue on. He skimmed the rest of the chapter to see if he could learn anything else, but heard a vaguely familiar voice.

"Whatcha up to, Changbin?"

Deep in thought, he once again found stability against the tree. "Geez, not again."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He took a seat without asking this time, and noticed the bible in his hand. "Didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's fine, really!" Changbin responded a bit too cheerfully.

"What were you studying?"

"Umm..."

"You don't have to say. Did it help?"

"Kind of?"

"Maybe we can be friends at some point and I can help."

He remembered Chan's words and his opening prayer of having a humble spirit. "Maybe you could help me."

"Sure. I'm all ears and very nonjudgmental. So I've been told."

"Okay." Changbin stared at the leaves on the willow tree. "So I had a dream about getting married to a guy and it freaked me out." He was okay with leaving out the visions part, since this presented the main concern well enough.

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's a sin."

"Why would God make people in His image and then not let them be themselves?" He looked up at Changbin, who simply shrugged. "Exactly."

"But there are verses condemning homosexuality."

"They didn't have the science or evidence to say otherwise then. It's also why I believe in evolution and a round Earth." He laughed with a lightness Changbin appreciated. "I'm a science guy, what can I say."

Changbin laughed along with him and finally felt a little better. He would need to research that science for himself. It's not like he was gay to begin with, as far as he knew. He didn't feel that way about any of his male friends. It had to be a manifestation of his anxiety about Nabi, and he hoped maybe that extended to visions about his mom too.

Too bad it didn't make the visions feel any less real.

(Are you enjoying this so far? It doesn't quite matter since I'm enjoying writing and reading it, but I thought I'd ask. I can't believe it's the middle of August already! I also picked up a large text version of the NIV version that was lying around, and it had a bookmark in 1 Corinthians around where Paul talks about marriage, and I was all 'no way!' It's going to make for spicy discussion for sure. Anyway, I have a doctor's appointment now so I gotta go, but I hope the book is decent so far. -Nicole)