Clairvoyant - Changlix

19 - Trap

After Jeongin invited his new group of friends to his birthday party, the trepidation about the leadership retreat mostly disappeared. Celebrating his sixteenth birthday was great fun, but now they had to go back to school and church activities.

For Changbin and Felix, it was pretty obvious that, outside of their normal friend group, they were being treated differently. Gossip spread about what happened to Changbin when Felix carried him out of the church that Sunday, but no one had the courage to directly ask either of them about it. Matthew 18:15 need not apply, Changbin complained, for if they thought Felix and Changbin's "relationship" was a sin (though there was never a conversation between them to make it official), they should point out that sin directly to them, in private, and not share it with others. The way Changbin and Felix were treated was disgusting to their friends, but mostly Chan and Minho, who became Changbin's fierce protectors against the rumors.

So when the six young leaders got in the van to drive to the retreat Friday morning, it was almost a relief that they were getting away from the judgment they had all dealt with the past two weeks to one degree or another. Pastor Jung waited in the driver's seat, and they decided Hyunjin would sit shotgun, since he would be the least combative if some line of uncomfortable conversation came up. Though they all didn't like violence, Hyunjin was the least likely to punch someone, and subsequently get them into a car accident.

"Mini-vacation time!" Minho threw his arms over Han and Chan's shoulders in the middle set of seats, giving Changbin and Felix a chance to hold hands out of view of the rear view mirror.

Initially, Changbin was terrified of his friends' reactions to what happened that Sunday underneath the tree, but he wanted to be honest about it. Jeongin, Seungmin, and Minho, true to what they had shown, were okay with what happened. Love is love, they argued, and who's to stop that?

Hyunjin was okay with the relationship in theory, but was still unsure about how he felt about it in practice. Even still, he made it very clear that he would support Changbin and love him no matter what choice he decided to make about taking the relationship with Felix further.

Chan was heavily influenced by the research he did to debate pastor Jung. He believed that the common "anti same-sex attraction" verses should be overruled by science, acceptance, and the proof of God's love in the bible.

Han stayed mostly quiet through the intense discussion, pulling the two aside after it finished.

"You were so quiet." Changbin was so used to Han dominating conversations that two or three total sentences over 30 minutes was too different to ignore.
"It's just...I never liked girls. I still don't. Like, being attracted to them, I mean." Han nervously admitted. "Being included in the leadership group made me feel like I had to hide myself. I mean, we're all really good looking." Felix nodded in sympathy. "I love Minho so much, but I know he can't love me back the same way I love him. It hurts." Han had a guilty look on his face, but looked back down before he could be fully seen. "I'm there for him as much as I can be, knowing it will never go anywhere. I hug and touch everyone so when I do it with Minho it will seem less obvious. But he's clingy to me, which makes me confused."
"If you ever need to talk to me, I'm here." Felix offered, reaching out to hold his hand. "I've dealt with what you're going through."
"Now that you know how we feel," Changbin added. "Let us help you so you don't suffer alone."
Han hugged them both and thanked them for their honesty, promising to ask for help when he needed it.

Knowing Han's secret hurt Changbin, since he couldn't help with his friend's pain. He smiled when Han cuddled on Minho's shoulder the best he could while keeping his seatbelt on. Thinking back on it, his whole friend group was affectionate towards one another, and Changbin wouldn't have been surprised if that fact blurred some of his early feelings of same-sex attraction.

"You okay?" Changbin felt a reassuring squeeze of his hand from Felix. His freckles looked particularly good today, despite Felix trying to convince him he didn't do anything special to make them look better.

"Yeah. Just nervous." He resisted the urge to kiss his cheek with the pastor in the car, and settled for resting on his shoulder instead. "I still get a bad feeling about this."

"I know, Binnie. We'll get through it."

They traveled for quite a while, keeping up the playful banter that was always a constant whether they were getting along or not. Contemporary Christian songs played through the speakers, though Changbin often preferred hymns on long car rides. Even his parents didn't seem to know why. Thoughts drifted to his mom, who he didn't tell yet of his revelation of having feelings of same-sex attraction, and the fact that he didn't think they could go away. He thought of asking Felix's mom first how she dealt with Felix telling her, and if she had any advice on how to go about it.

"Alright, we're here!" Pastor Jung said cheerfully. "I'll pick you up early Monday morning since you need to get back to classes."

In the peak of the afternoon sun, they grabbed their bags from the trunk, stretching their arms and legs from the several hour drive. Amongst everyone talking, Changbin had seen corn fields, meaning they traveled quite a ways south to get to their final destination. As soon as everyone grabbed their things, pastor Jung sped off, and the six of them were on their own.

The building itself was nothing remarkable. It was a two-story wooden cabin, framed by lots of trees fading into a larger forest. It was too early in the year for the trees to hold leaves, but something about the bare branches brought them peace, as a new spring would come and make the landscape green soon enough.

A large white banner hung above the doors that said "Prayer, Leadership, and Forgiveness" in red hand-painted block letters, one word per line. Felix looked over at the others, who were still chatting amongst themselves.

"Umm, what did you guys think this was going to be?" Felix's deep voice cut through the banter.

"A leadership retreat." Chan threw out nonchalantly.

Changbin wasn't so sure. "Channie, why would a leadership retreat need to be about forgiveness?"

"You guys are being paranoid." Hyunjin picked up his suitcase and started walking towards the front doors. "You forgive yourself with the help of prayer to become a better leader."

"Sorry. I guess I'm just more on edge than normal lately."

Changbin grabbed Felix's hand to follow Hyunjin and the others. Minho, who also sensed something was off, stood on the other side of Changbin. They entered the doors to a wooden desk in front of them, and a circle of chairs in a large open room to their left. The windows on the far side of the room had heavy curtains that were lifted above them for now.

"See, nothing to worry about! Just good ol' retreat stuff!" Hyunjin walked over to pat Changbin and Felix on the head like bongos, occasionally including Minho, until he walked towards Chan at the check-in desk.

"Is there an itinerary for the weekend we can look at?" Minho asked over Chan's shoulder.

"Nope! We like the weekend to be a surprise!" The man was very energetic, broad and short in stature, with brown hair and brown eyes.

"Nope," Minho glared at Hyunjin. "No schedule that WE get to SEE. NOPE! Not SUSPICIOUS at ALL, is it JINNIE?"

Han put a hand on each of their shoulders. "C'mon guys, let's not fight. Mini-vacation, right?"

He started dancing around in the lobby, trying to get his friends to laugh. Hyunjin gave a disgusted look, but Minho grabbed him and started to waltz around in a small invisible box. Minho held one hand out, and had the other on Han's waist. Han kept his hand steady on Minho's shoulder, laughing as they spun faster and faster in tinier circles until his head fell onto the opposite shoulder from becoming dizzy.

"Oh, excuse me." The man at the front desk stood up to get their attention. "We don't do that here."

"What, have fun?" Minho scoffed, holding Han close to him even though they stopped dancing.

"No," He waved his hand around and then pointed between the two of them. "That."