Clairvoyant - Changlix

24 - Sorrow

(Alright, we're done with Minsung for now. Back to Changlix and more depressing Binnie visions! So the foundations of this story basically. Dude, I'm so excited for chapter 27 it's not even funny. I'm saving it for Seungmin's birthday next week!)

I opened my eyes and was in the hospital. I was staring at a hospital door. Room 218. I pushed the door open and saw my mom hooked up to so many wires and tubes. She wasn't awake, but at least the heart monitor was still beeping. I walked to the side of the bed and sat down on a chair that seemed to be just for me. It looked a lot like my chair in her room at home. I'm not sure if anyone knows she's here. I held her hand and squeezed it tight. God, I hope she's okay. I can't lose her before I tell her my truth. I haven't seen her since I realized who I am and who I love...why am I so scared to say anything? What if she's gone before she knows?

The heart monitor went flat. No more predictable beeping. The wall with the window I was staring at disintegrated, and the rain storm and lightning was there again. It whipped into my face as the doctors came in to try and revive her. They weren't affected by the rain. The charges from the defibrillator weren't electrocuting them, which it probably should have. The rain flew in my face, and I could barely hear the yells of "1, 2, 3" and the subsequent zaps over the bellowing thunder and cracks of lightning. It screamed in my ears. My eyes were shut as my mom couldn't be brought back.

She died. She's dead.

I started cursing the heavens. Why take her from me? Is this punishment for being with Felix? Why bring the rain back? To torture me and remind me that I can't see or have the things I love in life?

I ran back to the hallway and cried out for my friends. Hell, I would take anyone at this point to hold me and comfort me. I just lost the only blood family I had. I had my dad, sure, but I can't forgive him for how he ruined my life. Our lives. I'm an only child. I have no one but my friends. I ran around the second floor wing, trying to get anyone to pay attention to me, even the nurses behind the desk, but it's like I was invisible.

"Felix! Felix, help me! Chan, Han, Min, Jinnie...anyone please! My mom is dead and I don't know how to go on. Is this a punishment for my sin? My sin of loving the wrong gender? Maybe it is my fault she's gone..."

Changbin woke up and felt many hands laid on him. He felt one going through his hair, and several rubbing his back. His eyes stung, and his head was resting on a random shoulder.

"Can anyone hear me?" He was surprised how hoarse his voice was from crying.

"We're here for you." The deep voice started to calm him down.

"We want you to be okay." Chan's voice broke through the silence as well.

"We love you, you're safe now." Of course that was Minho, the fiercest protector of them all. The one who, with what he guessed was Han's proclamation of love, got them out of more nonsense from the counselors.

Changbin suddenly remembered where they were, and why they were here.

"Are we still at the retreat?"

"Yeah, it's almost time for dinner."

"I can't face them."

He finally picked his head off of Felix's shoulder and looked around. Chan and Minho were sitting on the edge of the bed, and Han and Hyunjin were on the floor with relieved looks as their friend woke up. Felix was holding him where their bodies were different directions, so Changbin had his toes hidden by the pillows. Again, he felt so blessed to have such a close group of friends who were supportive and tolerated whatever was happening with his visions.

"We'll try to find something for you to eat and bring it back up while Felix stays here with you." Han rubbed his arm to soothe him. "Is that okay?"

Changbin nodded, and the others rushed off to find their scared friend some decent food before the other campers took it first. He shook his head and gave a half smile when he saw Han and Minho holding hands, swinging them back and forth like they were kids coming in from outside after playing the afternoon away. Looking back at Felix, he couldn't fight the instinct to try and wipe the tear stains away that were mucking up his freckles.

"Sorry I scared you all." No matter how much he tried, he couldn't pull himself away from Felix's eyes that sparkled even in the dim indoor lighting.

"You can't control this. It's not your fault."

"My mom's heart stopped, and the storm came back and broke the hospital wall down to attack me. I couldn't see her when she died. I just heard it." The fear overtook him again. He could feel the rain on his skin anywhere Felix wasn't protecting him.

"I'm so sorry, Binnie. I will be there for you if that ever happens."

"I know."

Changbin got more comfortable on the mattress to face Felix properly. Despite Felix not being that much taller than him, Changbin loved feeling small in his embrace. He wanted Felix to take care of him, to help him navigate his newfound feelings without the stress of being strong and manly like he was for Nabi. He pulled Felix onto his lap before he reached up to plant several kisses on his neck. He quickly buried his face into Felix's hoodie in embarrassment.

"If I start, I won't stop." Changbin admitted shyly.

"You're pretty irresistible yourself." Felix put a hand in his soft black hair near the nape of his neck, forcing his head up to start a kiss when they heard heavy footsteps come towards them.

"Food time!"