Who Am I To You? (Mike Wheeler X Reader) Book 4

Chapter 5

Previously on Chapter 4

Most important of all, I still can't believe it's starting to resurface again. I thought that I was finally free. I thought that I can finally live my life like a normal human girl. But I guess... that's never the case. Now I know that no matter how hard I tried, I will never be able to change the fact that I'm a monster.

-Who Am I To You?-

Y/N P.O.V

The whole ride home is deadly silent. Neither of us said a word, but Jonathan who asked how our day was. I just stay silent most of the time, staring out of the pizza truck. The look in Mike's eyes really hurts. Just like everyone else, he must have agreed with all of them... that I'm a monster.

When we reach home, there's another face in the house. It's Mr. Murray. He's the one who helped us solve things back in Hawkins. I stare at him with a furrowed eyebrow. What is he doing here? Hmm... whatever it is. He probably wouldn't want me nor Eve to interfere.

We sit around the dining table. I sit across from Mike. I keep my head down the entire time, not wanting to look at him or anyone here. Not after what happened earlier today at the roller skate rink.

I turn my head to look at Mrs. Byers when she said she'd be going for a business trip with Mr. Murray. Will starts questioning his mother. But she insisted that she really needs to go, and that they will both be leaving soon.

***

Mrs. Byers and Mr. Murray have already left. Now, I'm just sitting by my study desk as I try to fix the diorama I created of our cabin back in Hawkins. I want to be alone at the moment. But seem like a certain someone isn't willing to let me have that.

"Y/N?" I can hear his voice. I just stay silent, not saying a word back. I can hear his sigh. "I'm coming in okay?" He said. Without waiting any reply, he lets himself in my room and take a seat on the bed. I just keep my head away from him, not wanting to look at him.

"So... are we just not gonna talk about it?" He said. I just shake my head. "About what?" I asked. "I don't know... maybe just about, yesterday? Everything?" He said.

"There's nothing to say..." I said. "Yeah... I guess I'm just a little, uh..." he said. I let out a sigh and finally turn to look at him. "Mike..." I said. He turns to look at me.

"Yeah?" He said. I turn my body to fully face him. I stare at him in the eyes, as I try my best to not show any emotions. "Who am I to you?" I said. He looks at me in confusion.

"You're my girlfriend, of course..." he said. I scoff at what he said. "It doesn't feel like it" I said. "What.. what do you mean?" He said. I stand up and stares at him with a hurt expression.

"You've seen what they did, Mike! They're making my life hard! Sorry, I didn't tell you about that. I just don't want you to feel worried about me! But you've seen everything. And what did you do??" I said. He furrows his eyebrow as he stands on his feet too.

"Why is it suddenly on me?! Y/N, I'm not the one causing trouble yesterday. You did it to yourself, Y/N!" He said. I scoff at what he said. I shake my head in disbelief at his choice of word. He realize what he said and open his mouth. I lift my hand, prompting him to shut up.

"I thought couples are suppose to be there for their partners when one of them is feeling down. I did what I did because I'm fed up with the way they are all treating me. I slipped up, I admit that, okay? It was wrong for me. I could've hurt her. But I didn't! I held back... if I don't, I would have already killed everyone. You don't know... how much I struggled to hold back..." I said, pressing my finger on his chest harshly. He stays silent at what I said. I take a few steps away from him and stares at him in the eyes. Tears slowly streams down my cheeks.

"I can hear him..." I said. He furrows his eyebrow at what I said. "Him? Who?" He said. "My father..." I said. He raises an eyebrow at what I said. "Hopper?" He said. I shake my head.

"No... my real father. The shadow monster. The Mind Flayer. I can hear his voice whispering in my head. Telling me to kill everyone. That's why... I'm a monster and that's what you believe too" I said. He stares at me in shock. He shakes his head.

"That's why instead of comforting me... you stared at me the same way they all did. You agreed with them, don't you? You agreed... that I'm a monster" I said. He shakes his head at what I said.

"No, Y/N... I never said that" he said. I shake my head, not believing what he said. "You didn't say that... but you think that! Don't lie to me, Mike. It's written clearly on your face. You were scared of me. You agreed with them. You also think that I'm a monster" I said. He shakes his head at what I said. I look away from him.

"Come to think of it... they're all right. No matter, how hard I tried to change. No matter how hard I tried to live as a normal human being. It will never work out! Because by the end of the day... I am a monster. A monster's blood is flowing in my vein. I'm anything but a human. So I don't blame you for being scared of me! No matter what I did... I'll never be free. I'll always be a monster. I can't change that" I said.

"Y/N... you don't know what you're talking about. I never think that way of you. You're not a monster. You will ne-" he said. "Don't... LIE TO ME!" I yelled, cutting him off. The light in the room starts to flicker at my outburst.

"I know what I saw in your eyes. You stare at me with nothing but fear reflecting in them. You think I'm a monster. I mean nothing to you!" I said. He shakes his head.

"No, Y/N... you're the most important thing to me. I care about you, a lot!" He said. I stare at him with tears flowing down my cheeks. "Care? You don't... love me anymore?" I said. "I never said that!" He said. "But you can't even write it down!" I said. He stares at me in confusion. I grab the letters he wrote for me.

"From Mike! From Mike! From! From! From!! Just admit you're scared of me!" I said. He shakes his head. He walks towards me and try to cup my cheek. I move away from him and shake my head.

"Get out..." I said. He stares at me with a sad face. "Y/N... lis-" he said. I shake my head. "I said GET OUT!" I yelled, pointing at the door. He flinched at my outburst. He let out a sigh and storms out of my room.

I choke a sob as I fall on the ground, bursting into tears. Why? Why is this always happened? Why do I have to be born into this world like this?? I hate my life...

*to be continued*