London Has Your Eyes

Chapter 33. Max

I can see the jerk hugging my mother. It's disgusting. I don't understand what she saw in him at all? By the way, my mother never knew how to choose men. I only knew a couple of them in my whole life, and that was only because she almost got married twice. The most normal one was Anton. It was on the way to getting married, but then he left for London and my mother and I stayed in Russia. I never understood what happened there and why the wedding was off. Nevertheless, they remained friends, and Anton and I continued to keep in touch. He always sent me presents for New Year's and birthdays, and called from time to time to ask how I was doing. But he was in another country. And my mum kept dragging everything on her back.

And now this Daniel Pierce. I Googled him. He's a girl lover. There's a lot of pictures online of one and the other. And now my mum's next? If he tries to hurt her, I'll show him his Russian temper.

My mother asked me to go easy with him. "Give him a chance," she whispered before he came. This is very difficult.

When pictures of them and my mum appeared online, I knew nothing. My classmates flooded all my messengers with questions. What a shame. Especially the remarks towards my mum. I just boiled over.

My mother couldn't answer the phone in any meaningful way, and I couldn't sit in one place any longer. If she had been home, she would have made tea, sat me down at the table and calmly laid things out. She always did, all my life. And that's when it got peaceful. Because she'd always explained why and how she did what she did. If I was up to something, a mug of tea at our negotiation table would go to her while I explained my point of view. I always got all the news from her.

But not this time. It was like a punch in the gut. It was as if she had built a huge lie on fragile supports, which rained down on me in a heap of debris. Her private life suddenly became public. Mine, too. Everyone, almost everyone, wants to be popular at school. But not this way. When you're famous for your mother having an affair with an actor in another country who's also ten years younger than her, it's more like a stamp. And I had it shining all over my forehead.

The questions were replaced by memes and dirty jokes. And I left. I grabbed my backpack and went for a walk. I went to my friend Tolyan's house. His parents had a supply of alcohol at home, which we started tasting. It didn't turn out well. I vomited half the night. In the morning, my head was pounding.

My mum couldn't stop calling. She was flooding me with messages. She had already flown home and was looking for me through everyone she knew. She couldn't reach Tolyan. He was passed out with me. I didn't want to talk to her. I was so angry at her.

- Max, why don't you take her call already? - said Tolyan then. - I know she messed up badly, but it's your mother. It's your mum! Dude, she's always been there for us, no matter what. I wish we all had mums like that.

- I know. But I can't. I don't want to talk to her. She shamed me so much. How am I supposed to go back to school now, huh? My phone's already melted, - I was so angry.

- You're judging her without even talking to her. You're my friend, almost my brother, but she's always been there for us. No matter what we did, - Tolyan defended her, which annoyed me a little. I expected him to be on my side.

- I remember. But I can't. I can't! Leave me alone. I just need to cool down. If I see her now, I'm gonna tell her what I think. And she's not gonna like it. Maybe I should text that asshole and tell him to leave her alone. - I already grabbed the phone when Tolyan stopped me.

- Yeah, yeah. How many millions of subscribers does he have? He'll see your message on the thirty-first of never. Talk to your mother.

I didn't. Didn't reply to any of her messages. But Tolyan, damn him, texted her that I was at his place. And she came. I yelled at her that night. For the first time in my life. I yelled at her in a way she didn't expect. She was crying and begging me to calm down. And I was freaking out and I didn't know how to stop. She left in tears.

When the door slammed behind my mother, I burst into tears like a girl. I suddenly thought she went home alone. She'd spend the whole evening alone, crying in the kitchen. And I wouldn't be there to protect her and cheer her up like she always did. Because I'm the reason she's crying. Mum's crying again because of me. Only this time I deliberately hurt her.

It got so disgusting that I threw up. I gathered my things and staggered home.

It was already night. The light was on in the windows, my mother was waiting for me. She was still waiting, even though I told her I hate her and would never come home. I opened the door with my key and entered quietly.

Mum was lying on my bed, hugging my jumper. The image made my eyes tingle treacherously. Shit. I crept quietly into the room and covered her with the blanket. My touch woke my mother up. She was trying to figure out what was going on for a few seconds, and then she just hugged my neck and pulled me to her.

She always hid her tears from me. Trying to be strong. But some nights she would sob and I heard it. In front of me she was brave, she was a parent, but she took off her miracle-woman costume with herself.

And the moment I came home, she gave vent to her weakness. I had never seen her like that. That creepy picture. I hugged my mother back and we sat like that for ten minutes in complete silence. She kept hugging me and stroking my back, as if she were afraid I would run away again.

- Would you like some tea? - I asked with a smile.

She looked into my eyes, as if searching for something there, and nodded with a smile.

We sat down at our negotiation table, and I poured tea and set a mug down for her.

- We need to talk, - she said in an almost whisper.

- We do,- I answered.

- I don't have to apologise for having Daniel. You understand that, right? But I'm sorry you found out this way and not from me. It's the only thing I'm guilty of. I wasn't careful enough, and I'm sorry.

- You've ruined my life, Mum. I'm a laughingstock, you understand that, right? How am I going to go back to school in the autumn?

- We'll already be in London. You'll finish school there,- she said.

- I'm not going to London. Why so soon? You went on holiday, got involved with that actor there, and now we have to go closer to him? - I felt betrayed. It's like this Daniel had turned her head so much that she was ready to put our lives under his feet.

- You know that's not true. I was already doing the paperwork before the holiday. Daniel appeared by accident. It happens. He's not a bad guy, give him a chance, - she asked softly.

- No, no, and no! - I was indignant. I didn't want any Daniels in our life at all.

- You'll love London. Anton's there, too; he's helping us with the move. We'll be fine, - she assured me, but I didn't believe it. I was scared, and that made me even angrier.

- Why didn't you tell me, Mum? About moving? I have a whole life here. I have friends here, school, and I have to leave everything behind so you can have an affair? - I suddenly felt like my life is going to change. How she wants to change it without asking me. She's decided everything. What am I supposed to do?

- Max, please don't make things difficult. I got a job transfer, I've waited so long for it, the papers are almost ready. Yeah, I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure it would work out. But it worked out. At least when you graduate, you can come back here and go to college. But I hope you'll stay there with me.

- This is ridiculous,- I started pacing around the room. - We are in London? Are we going to have tea by the schedule now? At five o'clock?

- Well, you say, - she grinned, - let's give it a try, son. I need your support now more than ever.

- But I'm not going to call that jerk 'Dad', - I decided to make my position clear.

- Of course, that's fundamentally wrong. After all, they say "father", - she teased me.

Mum was smiling again, and I was beginning to cool down myself. We were sitting in the kitchen again and talking. She showed me pictures of the city and possible flats, and the move didn't seem so terrible anymore. The move didn't, but Daniel Pierce still didn't make me sympathetic.