London Has Your Eyes

Chapter 42. Alex

Dany never came back. He took the keys, slammed the door, and disappeared. He didn't answer my endless calls, and simply ignored my messages. I couldn't find a place for myself.

Eventually dialing Anton's number. Yeah, he had Danny. He pounced from the doorway and broke his nose. And even though Anton tried to explain, Daniel didn't want to listen to anything, but just got into a fight. So weird... And I probably would even doubt it if this hadn't happened between them before.

It's been three days and he hasn't called... Flew off on tour without talking to me...Contradictions were tearing me apart from the inside. I missed him so much that I wanted to howl. I missed his jokes, his voice on the phone, our Zoom conversations. I just missed him...

On the other side, I couldn't understand... Why did he just disappear? Why didn't he talk to me? Were all his words about loving me a lie if he is able to give me up so easily?

I replayed them over and over in my head, trying to find hints in my memory, but it didn't work. I was at a dead end. I couldn't find a way out.

Three days later, Anton called. I look at the avatar of the incoming number, wondering whether to answer the call or not. Another beep. If he doesn't hang up, then I answer.

- Hello,- I say tiredly.

- Hello, Sanya,- Anton hesitates, picking his words carefully. I felt the change immediately - the ease of our conversation was gone. We went back to two years ago, when both of us didn't know what to say to each other. - How are you?

- I've been better,- I answer honestly.

- I think we need to talk. About all of this,- he says. I sigh deeply. - You're too precious to me to lose you like this stupidly. I screwed up. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have crossed the line and brought it up again. It wasn't right. I'm sorry. I was on edge, I don't understand what came over me. Sanya?

- Well... I'll... try to... - I really don't know what else to say. I really need a friend right now.

- Let's have lunch together, huh? You'll have a break, won't you? - he asks with hope in his voice.

- I don't think that's a good idea. After all this time... I don't know... I'm afraid of screwing things up even more. - I'm tormented by contradictions. I miss him and I'm afraid to see him at the same time. What if things don't go back to the way they were before?

- Hey, Sanya, it's me. We're not strangers. - It's like Anton reads my mind. - Until we talk about it face to face, the situation won't go anywhere. We've been over this, remember? Let's be smarter this time?

- Smart. Okay, let's have lunch today,- I finally agree.

An hour later I am standing at the panoramic window of the restaurant, gazing into its interior. It's so cosy. People are talking excitedly, waiters are prancing between tables with beautifully decorated dishes. The picture is perfect. But there's something missing... or rather, someone. Daniel.

I catch myself thinking I keep talking to him in my head. When something interesting and funny happens, when I discover new places, when I meet unusual people, he's the first person I want to tell everything to... And his sudden disappearance makes me feel like the loneliest person in the world. No, don't think I sit by the window, staring sadly into the distance. I'm always doing something. I took on more work, pulled out the books, got to the things that had been put aside for a long time. While Max hangs out with his new friends, I smile and try to keep my head up. On the outside it's the same as always, but there's a huge black hole growing inside.

Through the window I see Anton. He sits at the table waiting for me. He's reading the menu, constantly glancing at his watch. He's clearly nervous. And so am I. It would seem, well, what's the big deal? Two adults kissed. No big deal. If there wasn't such a long story behind it, maybe it would have been. But when in my life was everything simple?

- Hey,- I say, walking over to the table.

Anton jumps up from his seat and clasps me in his bear hug.

- You came after all, how glad I am! - He exclaims, pulling me tighter against him. I begin to calm down. In his arms, so familiar, I feel like such a fragile girl again. I just want to stay there and think hard about what's going on around.

We sit down at the table. His eyes flicker with pain and worry and... love?

- You don't look like yourself. Daniel still hasn't shown up? - he asks. I shake my head negatively, looking away. - Nothing at all? For all these days?

I shake my head again. Tears come to my eyes. I take a deep breath to keep from crying.

- I'm so sorry,- he says. - No matter what's going on, a man shouldn't act like that. It wasn't your fault. He came to me, we had a man-to-man solution. What's that got to do with you?

- I don't know. I just don't know what to tell you. I don't want to discuss my relationship with Daniel at all. He made his decision, and there's nothing I can do to change it. I just have to get over it.

I'm interrupted by a phone call. Max.

- Hey, son. Is everything okay? - I ask.

- You, Mom, tell me,- I don't like the tone in his voice.

- What's the matter? - I'm getting worried.

- I don't even know how to tell you this... Did you and Daniel break up or something? - He seems pretty surprised.

- Why do you ask? - my excitement is increasing, and I feel it escalating into panic.

- I came across his interview on the net yesterday. He hugs his girlfriend from the movie so relish. He shoots such looks at her there, as if love there forever. What happened? - He asks that uncomfortable question again.

- What? Can you... can you send me this link? Please, - my voice trails off.

- Yeah, sure, now. Are you sure you want to watch? Moooom, are you sure you're okay? - Max asks me so gently. In a different situation, I'd say it's very sweet. But right now, I'm wildly nervous and I want to see as soon as possible and find out something about Daniel.

- Don't worry, sweetie. I'm fine. I don't know what to tell you. I guess it's over. We'll just move on. Not the first time, - I assure him, though I'm just burning up inside.

- I'm sorry. He seems like a nice dude. Although that interview of his really pissed me off. I even wrote him today about it,- Max tells me.

- What??? - I forget for a moment that I'm not alone. I turn my gaze to Anton. He's looking at me so intently, swallowing every word I say. - What did he say?

- He said he had to. That's all. I didn't understand anything, to be honest. You'll have to ask Liam, he's bound to know what's going on.

- How about you don't do it, all right? I'll figure it out on my own, okay? Sons don't have to handle their mother's' affairs of the heart. Mind your own business. What are teenagers supposed to do? Only within the limits of law and security, - I'm trying to lighten the mood.

- I get it, I get it. Love you, bye, - Max says and hangs up.

- Bye.

I hear my phone ringing, notifying me of a new message. Max has sent this very link. The one that would make me lose all hope. I don't even notice myself turning on the video and staring at the screen. Anton moves closer and peeks into my phone.

Daniel and his colleague are talking about the movie, talking about relationships. And he keeps touching her, looking at her with such lust. And she, this goat, reciprocates. Such blatant flirting. Oh, if you could see the comments underneath.

And that's where it hits me.