London Has Your Eyes

Chapter 71. Alex

- I don't know, Alex, I found him convincing, - Janine takes a sip of hot tea, covering her eyes for a second. - God, I'm freezing today.

- Keep warm. Thanks for meeting me in this disgusting weather, - I look out the window. The freezing rain is pounding against the glass, turning the holiday lights into bright spots. - I don't know what to think, really.

- Maybe you should talk to him after all. - She asks cautiously.

- What's the point? He'll say nothing happened, and I'll what? Have to take his word over my own eyes? No, I can't, - I shake my head, - every time I close my eyes I see him squeezing that whore in the room next to mine. Shit, I'm going to be sick, - I cover my mouth nervously with my hands and sigh deeply.

- Aren't you...? - Janine's eyes light up.

- No, trust me. I would have known, - I say. I don't need this right now. Daniel and I weren't always so careful, but still. No, no, no, no. Um... I should check my calendar.

- Uh-huh, - Janine keeps smiling mysteriously.

- Stop it, it's just nerves and nothing more. I'm serious. My life is falling apart at the snap of fingers, and you're just fantasizing about it. I've only just realised how much my life and Daniel's have intertwined in the meantime. London has suddenly become so cramped, everything in this city reminds me of him.

- That's not surprising.Considering that you read the news about him every day, - Janine shrugs.

- No, I don't! And then it's only been two days since.. .- I'm making excuses.

- Who are you lying to, Alex? Give me your phone, - Janine takes my mobile phone in her hands. - Enter your key and let's have a look at your browser and your selection of interesting publications. I'm sure 80% of them will be about Daniel.

- Okay, fine. Of course, I watch what's going on online, what's being said. Although I've had to close my pages, shut down all my messages, because it's been hell. Have you even seen how many memes they've made? I don't understand why they're writing all these nasty things to me? I'm kind of the victim in this situation.

- You're only looking at one side. You want to get hurt, you revel in it, so you look for confirmation of that. Look, strangers didn't support me, I was attacked, I'm all miserable. But the truth is, your situation isn't much worse than this. It's just public. It's not very pleasant. But it's not a disaster.

I stare at Janine silently, it's like she sees right through me. Her words hurt my ego, and it's hard to admit that she's right.

- You can't defend Daniel. You saw it for yourself! How can I just forget about everything. I can't erase my own memory.

- Would you want to? - She's staring at me.

- I wish. I wish we were back on my birthday and I'd accidentally lost the damn tickets. Although no one can guarantee that Daniel wouldn't have snapped elsewhere if that slut had shown up in front of him.

- He showed weakness. But, Alex, you just don't know what kind of relationship they had. It wasn't like romance. Passion yes, tantrums yes, nuclear war yes. They were like two drug addicts obsessed with each other. They went crazy for each other, destroying each other in the process. But Kaitlin was always the puppeteer of their pair. She was spinning him however she wanted. And he just didn't want to see it. He loved his busy life.

- So why'd they break up, then, eh? - I folded my arms across my chest and rocked back in my chair.

- Kaitlin wanted to be famous, rich and successful like Dany. She only loves two things in life: herself and money. And when the opportunity presented itself, she just took it, stepping over Daniel in a big way.

- So? I'm supposed to grab some popcorn, sit in the front row, and wait for Daniel to deal with his past? - I say a little harsher.

- No, of course you don't. Don't attack. I mean, that story needed a point.

- There's a whole doodle in there, - I snort. I rub my eyes with my hands and sigh deeply. - I don't know what to do. Really. I miss him madly, but I don't trust him anymore, you understand?

- I do. But can you talk to him?

- I blocked his number. Everywhere.

Janine looks at me, shaking her head.

- You're certainly being categorical. With your melodrama, I'm going to give birth before my time, honestly. And I've got a gala dinner to attend and a New Year's Eve to celebrate. By the way, what are you going to do for the holidays? - She asks.

- Max is flying to Moscow tomorrow, and I will join him early on the 26th.

- Are you flying for Christmas? - She groans.

- Yeah, well, I don't want to spend this homely family holiday alone in an empty flat. It's masochistic. So I'll get on a plane, get some sleep and celebrate New Year's Eve in the Russian tradition with my family.

Janine squeezes my hand, looking sympathetically into my eyes.

- I'm so sorry your first Christmas in England turned out to be a disaster.

- Let's hope it will be different a year from now, - I smile. I don't know which one of us I want to convince more.

- Don't be stubborn, Alex. Talk to him. You're older than me, you've got, like, more life experience. Where's your judgment?

- When emotions get involved, and they get this intense, judgment fades away, - I chuckle. - How did he convince you?

- We spoke on the phone. He said that after the broadcast broke off, he left her and went to a bar. Nothing happened. And I believe him. He stopped by yesterday, asked me to help him. You should have seen him. He's worried. I don't know how he drives to his events, but he doesn't look good.

- Ohh, Daniel... what have you done, - I whisper softly. At the other end of the table, my redheaded friend smiles faintly. Someone seems to have a strong belief that everything is going to be okay. But will it?