London Has Your Eyes

Chapter 59. Alex

"Move in with me," I hear in my ears without ceasing. I stare at Daniel in silence, digesting his words. That's great! But no! How scary it is to get back together with someone so close. Dating is one thing, but living together is another. And I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

- Alex, baby, are you going to say anything yet? - Daniel asks, waving his hand in front of my face, - Ow?

- I... Um... Hmm... move in? To your place? - I repeat, tasting the thought on my tongue. - That's out of the question. I'm sorry.

- What?! Why? - Daniel's outraged.

- Ohh, I just remembered right now that I forgot my pen at Sam's. I have to get it back or I won't have anything to write my homework with. Bye, guys, - Max smiles, quickly shoving his feet into his sneakers. He grabs his jacket and leaves the apartment at lightning speed. The air in the apartment visibly heats up.

I lower my eyes, trying to pick out the words that had just slipped my mind. Everything is clear, isn't it? Why does he keep asking me the same thing?

- Alex, I'm still waiting. Why don't you want it? Aren't we doing well? – Daniel is not far behind me.

- We're fine. But living together... it's too big a step, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

- Come on, - Dany grins, - we're practically living together anyway. I have my own key, my toothbrush is in the bathroom, and you've given me a couple of shelves in the closet. I noticed, - he smiles smugly. - I suggest we move to a bigger apartment that's empty. And you won't have to pay rent. Huh?

- You make such a logical point, but I can't. I can't, okay? - I object. How can I explain to him that after everything I've been through, after my failures in my personal life, I can't trust someone enough to build a family again.

- No, I don't understand. Of course. I. Don't. Understand. - He's chipping away at every word.

- I'm just afraid of it. It's one thing when I live on my own territory, and if something happens, I have a place to hide. But when I live in your territory, it's like I'm always your guest. What if we fight? What if we break up? - I throw my fears on him, hoping for understanding.

- We haven't even tried yet, and you're already condemning us to break up? - Daniel says, trying to lighten the mood. - I'm not going to break up with you, and you?

He comes closer and takes my hands.

- I'll take care of you. You know that. Max and I get along, and with you, I think, too,- he smiles.

I pour myself a glass of water. My throat is dry. I take a sip.

- I'm not ready. Everything happens so fast. We just got back together, and now we live together? And then what? - I ask and take another sip of water. My throat is very dry.

- I don't know, maybe marriage. Not now, but someday. I'd like us to have children and all that.

The water I drink spews back out in a fountain.

- WHAT? MARRIAGE? CHILDREN? Don't you want to know if I want to get married again on principle? Do I want more children? - That's a statement I never expected from a guy 25 years old. What in the world went wrong?

- Isn't that what all women want? - He asks.

- Believe me, you'd be very surprised. I'm fine with it this way. We're together, but no one encroaches on the freedom of the partner. No one strangles the other. It's fine, - I try to defend myself. Although the picture of the little girl who looks like Daniel is already in my mind. And I kind of like her.

- But you were willing to go through all that with Anton? - Finally, he gives out his decisive argument, - But I'm not that good for you, am I?

- Rrrr! What does Anton have to do with anything? - We both start talking louder and more emotionally. Nice conversation threatens to turn into a scandal.

- You agreed to marry him, right? And you lived together, as far as I know. Or am I wrong? - He asks, pressing.

- So? That was two years ago! And that decision hurt me afterwards. I don't want to make that mistake again! - I blurt it out.

- Fine! - Daniel barks, - I go for a walk to think things over. - He gathers himself as quickly as Max did and rushes out of the apartment, leaving a ringing silence behind him.

I sigh deeply and plop down on the couch. Thoughts are racing like a train in my head. Here are the memories of my life with Anton, his decision to live in England, my tears. The pain. After he left, I wore his ring for months, hoping for his return.

And there's Daniel. His smile and warm embrace. The way we fool around, or watch a movie, tucked into each other. The way he pushes me to the bed in the morning. The way he shows up half-naked in the kitchen. How he and Max argue about something or watch soccer. I love this man madly. And I know that he loves me. I guess living with him isn't so bad, is it? Maybe he's right, we're basically already living together as it is.

I look at my phone. Nothing. I dial Daniel, but it goes to voicemail. He's not answering his phone. Of course he doesn't. This is the part of the relationship that annoys me the most. What if, after an argument like that, he comes and asks me and Max out of the apartment? What would I do then? Where would I go with my son? How difficult it is to make this decision. Because you have to trust yourself to another person. Me, who has always relied only on myself.

It's been two hours since the fight, and I'm starting to worry. I've always hated that kind of talk. And the fact that controversial moments can't be resolved calmly. But I can't blame Daniel for being impulsive if I'm like that myself. I just want him to come home.

Finally, the key turns in the door. Daniel walks into the house, shaking the raindrops off his jacket.

- It's nasty weather, - he says, taking off his outerwear.

- Are you all right? - I ask carefully. - You're not mad?

- I wasn't, - he answers.

- Well, of course you weren't, - I hum back.

- And you? - I shake my head negatively. - I've been wondering how to break through your wall, Alex. I mean, you don't leave anything to chance that it's going to be easy, you know. There are stories that keep popping up. And, probably, our relationship will be like an attraction with obstacles that regularly arise, but it's all total bullshit. You know, right? I thought about it and found a way out.

- I'm all ears, - I reply.

- Let's just say you and Max move in with me, and we'll leave this apartment for you. I'll pay the rent for three months in advance, so you'll have a chance to escape here if you need to. But I hope you won't need to. I'll take care of all the expenses, of course, - I try to object, but Daniel puts his finger over my mouth, - Don't argue with me. I'm the man of the family.

I sigh, looking at him.

- And why did the universe send you to me? I love you so much, Daniel, - I say, and I wrap my arms around his neck.

- So you agree, am I right? - He pulls me close to him, stroking my hair with his palm. - Are we moving in together?

I nod.

- But there's one condition, - I add.

Daniel rolls his eyes:

- Well, of course, it would be too easy otherwise, wouldn't it? What's the condition? - He asks.

- It's the beginning of December, why don't we do it right after the new year? Let's start the new year in a new way, so to speak? Do you agree? - I propose.

Daniel thinks about it.

- Okay, I think that's optimal. But I still have questions about your attitude to marriage and children. Don't you want to? Categorically?

- Let's just say I just didn't plan it. Especially kids. And why are we even having this discussion right now? I just agreed to the move, don't push me. Okay?

- Okay, Alex, I can handle this fence, too, - Daniel smirks before he kisses me.