London Has Your Eyes

Chapter 80. Stella

Two weeks later.

I know it won't be easy. I know there will be consequences. But I'm so afraid that Liam won't make it, that nothing else matters at all.

I feel like I've moved into this hospital. Daniel is already on the mend, and every time I see him, I'm overcome with conflicting feelings. I'm happy that he's recovering, but I realize that Liam is still unconscious because of him. He's coming back to life and Liam isn't. Daniel must be having the same thoughts because he keeps coming into the ward.

Several times I saw Daniel sitting on Liam's bed, saying something to him, holding his hand and sobbing softly. It was horrible. Tragic. I don't know how to describe my feelings to you, because at some point they just disappeared. They disappeared, wept with tears, and only emptiness remained. One day followed by another, still the same room, still the same sounds and still the same Liam showing no signs of recovery.

He's had four operations. And all we have to do is wait. Seriously? It's the worst feeling when you can't help. Suddenly there's nothing you can do. So we just wait. I persuaded his parents to wait at home, because Liam's mother is on edge. She needs help herself. So I've practically moved into the ward. Even the nursing staff already know my face. The nurses occasionally give me coffee and have useless conversations.

I replay all our relationships in my mind. It's probably a characteristic of all girls. At a critical moment, we only remember the best. Liam was never a saint, but there was a side of him that only I saw. Nobody knows him like that. When we were alone, he was so caring, so gentle. All his contrived cynicism of his remained behind the threshold, and he became real. Mine.

I run my hand over his rough cheek. What if he wakes up and doesn't recover? Will I be able to live with it? Would I be willing to dedicate my life to caring for him?

One half of me screams "yes, of course, because I love him", but the other half, the rational one, suggests a different answer. I push it away, but, to be honest, those scales are constantly swinging in my head. These days I've even started to allow the thought that Liam won't wake up at all. I'm so tired of waiting. I'm ready for anything, just to have him, just to make this uncertainty disappear.

- Come on, Liam, how long can you keep me waiting? - I whisper to him, - you know I don't like that. Come back already. I won't wait long.

I put my hand in his and stroke his skin with my thumb. Liam's hand twitches back. I lower my gaze to our hands and I look at his face in anticipation. His eyelids slowly rise and he begins to look around the room carefully.

- Daniel? - He whispers.

- Daniel's fine, silly, only you made us worry, - I answer, wiping an unbidden tear from my cheek. Liam closes his eyes and passes out again.

What happened? Why isn't he awake? I run out of the room, looking for a nurse or a doctor, who gets caught first. The doctor enters the room, checks the instruments, examines Liam. We have to wait again.

It happens again a few hours later, right at the moment when I go out to eat. When I return, Liam looks at me with his sky-blue eyes. His gaze is so cold.

- What are you doing here? - He asks. A shiver ran down my back.

- I've been here all the time, Liam, - I answer, taking a seat in the chair across from the bed.

- Go away, Stella. There's nothing for you to do here, - he says sharply and turns away to the window.

- What's the matter, Liam? - I'm angry. That ungrateful pig Liam!

- It's nothing. I just don't want to see you. That's all. You're not my girlfriend, so go away.

Liam's words hurt deep down inside. Why is he acting like this? Has he forgotten everything that's happened between us? Really...?