London Has Your Eyes

Chapter 39. Alex

With trembling hands I open the door and get into the car. The rain desperately beats down on the glass. I put my hands on the steering wheel and start crying. My heart is pounding like it's trying to break out of its cage.

All my plans, hopes, memories have risen from the depths of the past, rolling in waves. For what? My history with Anton is long behind me. We have already managed to say everything to each other a million times and go through this period. Why pull that skeleton out again? What's the point?

It's been two years. That's when I was waiting for him and asked him to come back. It was then that I was missing him and struggling with the emptiness inside. And now it doesn't make sense anymore. Not for me. My life is different. I'm different. And the past has no place here.

I wipe away my tears and start the engine. The phone rings. I look at the incoming number - Anton - turn up the music and ignore the call. The rain intensifies, trickling down the glass. The road is barely visible. The wipers squeak rhythmically, helping me see for a second what's ahead. I can't sit under Anton's window any longer, I have to leave.

It's starting to get dark. Have I really spent this much time at Anton's? Fuck. I can't concentrate on the road, replaying that kiss over and over again. A few times, other cars honk at me because I can't make out the colours of the traffic lights at all..

As I get closer to home, I calm down a little, but I still can't find a place for myself. The rain intensifies, blurring the road. I turn towards the house when a figure appears abruptly in the middle of the road. How could I not notice her? I swear no one was here a second ago. I react quickly, swerving the wheel, but I hit the guardrail. Daniel kills me for his car.

I pull over and jump out of the car. The rain mercilessly soaks my clothes and hair. The human on the road disappeared as suddenly as he appeared. Maybe there was no one there at all?

I walk home, leaving wet puddles behind me.

- Where have you been? - I heard Daniel's voice approaching.

- Hello to you, too, - I wheezed back, shuddering in the cold.

- What the hell... Alex, what did he do to you? - Daniel looks at me anxiously from all sides.

- What? No, no, I'm fine. I just got into a little accident, - I'm trying to calm him down.

- Are you okay? - Daniel is still anxiously examining me.

- I think I scratched your car. Sorry, - I feel so bad inside that the car seems like the least of my problems.

- On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad? - he strains.

- A six or seven even, - I say in an indifferent tone.

Daniel sighs languidly, rolling his eyes as I sneeze softly.

- To the bathroom, to warm up. Now! I don't want you to get sick. Go ahead, I'll join you soon, - he commands.

I throw off my wet clothes and stand under the shower. The warm water runs over my skin, making me forget. I lean my arms against the wall and close my eyes, trying not to think about anything. I turn the water hotter, but I can't get warm. Soon Daniel joins me. He comes up behind me, pulls my wet hair aside, and kisses my neck.

- You're shaking, - he remarks excitedly.

- You think so, - I answer, although he is right.

- Look at me, - he turns me around to face him as I try to avoid his gaze. He seems to read in my eyes everything I want to hide. - What happened? What kind of accident was it? Was anyone hurt?