London Has Your Eyes

Chapter 52. Alex

1 week later

It turned out that spending time away from Daniel, when we are not at odds, is much more pleasant than the state of the Cold War.

Even though we were in different time zones on both sides of the planet, communication didn't stop. At all. It became a round-the-clock format. And it was wonderful.

We managed to keep in touch at least once a day, not to mention the fact that the constant messenger alerts irritated those around us.

This November morning turned out to be a deceptive one. Despite the sunny weather, the cold makes you shiver. I wrap my coat tightly around me as I make my way down to the underground.

I love travelling by underground. Its sounds, its smells... It takes me back to Moscow for a fraction of a second every time, causing a slight nostalgia for a past life.

How quickly everything has changed. Now that I have moved to England, life in Moscow seems like a dream. It's like it never existed. It's like I was dreaming. And my memories of it were just a figment of my imagination.

In that life I worked as an event manager in a big holding company, drank litres of coffee, was always in a hurry and nervous. I had driven myself into a rut that was tightening the noose around my neck more and more every day.

If I hadn't been scared at the time and made that move with Anton, then England would have changed me much earlier. Though things would have worked out differently then...

I would probably have married Anton by now. He would have built a career, I would have supported him and made the house comfortable. But would I have been happy? I don't think so.

It's never been enough for me. I always wanted to do something. To do something worthwhile and leave my mark. I needed to realize myself, to stand on my own feet and not depend on anyone.

I know that is not the case for many women. The main thing, as we were told in our childhood, is to marry well. And then... Put yourself on the altar of married life and take care of your family. I've chosen differently. Myself.

I moved to England when I was ready. When I was able to make that move for myself. I wasn't desperate for a man, which made my relationship easier. I wasn't looking for a saviour, I was looking for a partner. And I found one. First in Moscow, then in London.

I stare at the flickering lights in the train window. Knock, knock, knock... Autumn Moscow, freezing rain, warm plaid, family...

Our quarrel with Anton gives me no peace. The conversation at the wedding turned out to be very sharp. I had no reason not to believe Daniel, but Anton had always been honest with me, too. What if they were both telling the truth?

I jump out at my station and go outside. The cold air shackles my fingers. I should have brought gloves in the morning. With trembling hands I dial the number.

- Hello, Anton, - I say. The voice trembles treacherously, either from the cold, or from tension.

- Hello, Sasha, - he says in surprise. - You have no idea how happy I am to get your call.

- I don't think we had a very good talk last time... I'm sorry... I got angry... I had a little too much alcohol... Dany told me about your conversation, and I snapped... I think it was too much, - I gibberish.

- What's changed? - he asks calmly.

- I cooled off. I remembered that you're you. That I trust you. That you wouldn't hurt me and you were always there for me... And... - I stammer.

- That's true. But you trust Daniel too, don't you? - he's being careful.

- Yeah, of course I do. I believe you both. I think it's a misunderstanding. And I... Anton, we've been through too much together to lose each other like this. You are dear to me.

- Sasha, I... I don't even know what to say. I'm very surprised. Pleasantly surprised. God, I've been waiting for these words. I knew you'd understand, and everything would be as it was. - Anton sighs with relief. - Why is your voice shaking so much? Are you crying?

- No, - I answer, forcing out a smile. - I didn't guess the weather again. I dressed too lightly. Now I'm paying for it. It's very cold.

- I can take you if you want, - he offers.

- No, thanks. I have a couple of meetings today, so I can't see you yet.

We say goodbye to Anton, and I hang up. I hide my hands in my pockets. The unexpected warmth around my skin makes my fingers tingle a little. But I don't pay any attention to it. It's like a stone has been lifted from my soul. We have reconciled, and this quarrel no longer torments my soul.

When my hands get a little warm, I type the right address into the navigator and follow the sign on the screen.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a woman. Her brown hair flutters in the wind. I can't see her face, which is hidden in a wound scarf. But I get a strange feeling, as if I've seen her before. I'm sure it was her appearance on the road that left a mark on Daniel's car. Or maybe I just started raving.

I look at the navigator's pointer again and when I look up at the woman, she is no longer there.

"Sasha, stop watching horror movies at night. No one is following you," - I tell myself and move on.