Change Your Fate

Chapter X

PLEASE READ

hiya readers, oh god it's been so long! We're really, really, REALLY sorry. We're not giving up on this story, we promise. We're both really busy with school and we went trough some, well, personal problems. It costs a lot of effort to keep updating, but we're going to update more frequently. Partly for you and partly because we love CYF so much! The story is gonna get really good. Here's another Chapter X! (please keep in mind that there are clues hidden in some Chapter Xs) Please vote and comment, but mostly.. ENJOY! X

Jesy's POV

"Oh, Jesy. I really admire how you just wear those shorts and don't care about what other people think of it." Serena smiles at me. "It's really brave. I wish I wouldn't care about what other people think. You obviously don't care about your, well how do I say this, fat legs. It's cool."

I look at her, not knowing what to say. Suddenly I feel so embarrased, I wish I could vanish into thin air. I feel my cheeks turn red. It took so much confidence to even wear these shorts, I doubted for so long if they looked good on me. This morning, I finally had the courage to just do it. I don't think I've ever regret something this much.

I felt them looking at me, heard them talking about me. For a while I thought I imagined it, but Serena's comment made me realize I didn't.

I try to say something, but I don't manage to say anything.

I want to scream at them. I hate Serena! I hate everyone who's surrounding me! Why aren't you sticking up for me?! Is it because y'all think the same?! Is it because I'm fat, and fat people don't have feelings?! I hate it! I hate y'all! And mostly, I hate myself! I hate myself because I look like this.

My mind is spinning, however I don't say anything. I feel like crying, but I don't want them to see me experiencing moments of utter weakness. I turn around and run. Oh God, it's so childish. I know it is. But really, I can't do anything else.

I run away from Serena and from the other people whose eyes never left me. I run away from their gossip and nasty remarks. I run away from the school, past the park and the shops. I keep going, faster and faster. Past the playing children who are laughing out loud. They're having fun. Past the old lady, who has a hard time walking. I keep going, I don't want to stop.

Past the arguing couple and the old woman who's selling her artwork. Past the huge buildings and small houses. My inside burns. But I keep going. I want to run away, I want to disappear. I want to leave everything behind.

...

I can't take one more step. I collapse, my breathing is loud and irregular and every inch of me hurts. I just lie there, trying to catch my breath.

At this moment, I don't really know what I'm feeling. I'm sad. I'm mad. I'm insecure. I'm scared. I feel empty. I feel like shouting. I feel like disappearing. I feel fed up. I'm exhasuted. I want to keep on going. I feel so much more. I want to feel nothing at all.

After what I suppose to be like ten minutes, I stand up. I'm ready to run again. However only after a few steps, I feel my inside is still burning and my breathing is still hasty. I stop running and realize it was pointless anyway. I can't run away from my problems. Because, you know, the problem am I. And I can't run away from myself.

I take my phone out of my pocket, and see I have 15 missed calls from 'Mom :)'. I quickly press 'call back'. Mom immediately answers. "Sweety! Lord, Jesy I was so worried. School called me that you ran away and you didn't answer any of my calls. Oh God, are you okay? Where are you?"

I softly sob. "Mom, it's okay. I'm fine." I don't want to drag her down with me, I don't want to ruin her life with my insecurities. "Can you pick me up? I'm..." I look around. This is kind of a funny case, I absolutely have no idea where I am. "kinda lost."

"Can you describe the surroundings?"

"Yeah of course. Well, there's this big grass field, and some small houses. Uhh, and in the middle of the field there's a playground."

"Anything outstanding?"

I look around. This really is just another neighbourhood. Well, except for this one house, it's baby blue and the other houses are just grey. I tell my mom, and all she says is that she's on her way and will be here within 15 minutes.

I lie down on the grass and close my eyes. I wish today never happened. I wish I wouldn't have worn these shorts. I wish I wasn't fat. I wish I wasn't me.

Serena's comment wasn't even that mean, like it was mean but not 'oh-my-God-I'm-gonna-run-away-from-school' mean. It was just at the wrong time. The wrong moment. Everything about it was wrong. It was the straw that made the back of the camel break.

As I look up, I see a car stopping right in front of me. "Jesy!" My mom runs towards me, and pulls me in for a thight hug. "I was so worried..."

A tear streams down my face. "I'm sorry mom..."

Mom cups one hand around my face, with the other hand she wipes away my tears. "What happened?" she asks.

I sigh, and sit down on the grass again. Mom does the same. Should I tell her? It's not that I don't want to tell her, but I'm not sure if she wants to know. Once you know something, you can't not know it anymore.

"Are you sure you want to know?" It's a stupid question, I've made her curious; of course she wants to know. She nods.

I inhale a deep breath, close my eyes and quickly start talking. I tell her everything without leaving away any detail away. It feels so good to finally tell someone about my daily struggles. I tell her about how insecure I actually am, about Serena's comment, about how I just feel that they're talking about me...

When I told her everything, she stares into my eyes. "Oh Jesy..." she starts. "Oh sweetheart. I'm so happy you finally told me. I just noticed you were building walls to protect yourself, you weren't letting anyone in. But it's not too late yet. We can do this, together." She swallows.

"First of all, you shouldn't care about what other people think. It's cliche, but it's true. You just have to be you. If you want to wear shorts, then wear 'em. If you want to wear crop tops, you should! You can wear everything, if you wear it with confidence. Jesy you're so pretty, you have all the right to be confident! You're such a lovely, beautiful and talented girl. Serena is going to regret her bullying so much, when you're famous and singing songs in front of millions of people. You're born to inspire people. You're the one to make other insecure girls feel better about theirself. I wish there was a way to show you, but I think that deep down you know it yourself. You might feel like you're not just like the others, but that's just because you're better. You're going to make people feel better. Jesy, I believe in you. Now you just have to believe in yourself."

I smile. It's not a powerful smile. It's a smile to show the world that I'm still smiling. Not because I'm happy. "Thank you mom for believing in me. That really means so much."

"Their opinion on you doesn't define who you are. Remember that, Jesy."