Change Your Fate

Chapter 17

Jesy's POV

After we left Perrie alone, to give her some rest, Jade and I went to a playground. An abandoned playground. It'd be kinda scary at night, but now it shows the beauty of absolute silence. Sometimes, silence is the most beautiful sound. But other times, it scares me. It scares me because in utter silence your thoughts go crazy, because there's nothing else to focus on.

I draw a heart on my wrist with my index finger. There's so much to think of. So much happened in the past few weeks. I want to go back to the way it was, me and Jade together. It was good back then. Safe. But on the other hand, I don't want to be without Perrie and Leigh-Anne. Without them I wasn't complete. But even though I wasn't complete back then, I didn't feel like I was in danger. Now I do. Someone completely changed my fate. And it scares me so much, that I don't know who would have done it. I've been bullied a lot, so yes, I do know people who just don't like me, but I don't know people who hate me so much, they'd do this to me. Or any of the girls.

"Perrie looked so fragile, when she lied there on the stone cold floor, surrounded by glass and blood. It scared me a lot" Jade says, as she looks up to the sky.

I nodd. "I can imagine. I feel so bad for her. Those cuts must hurt a lot."

"No, that's not what I meant. It scared me, because Perrie wasn't crying because of her physical pain. Of course that hurt, but she was crying because of her pain inside. I think. Her pain inside was so worse, she couldn't even feel her physical pain." Jade says, as she wipes away a few tears.

My eyes widen, as I gasp. "I didn't know... I-"

Jade cuts me off. "Mental pain is the worst. When someone breaks a leg, people can see that person is in pain. But the thing with mental pain is, it can be so much worse without someone noticing. You can just put up a show and act like you're all fine. People with mental pain try to hide it."

I swallow. "I don't know what to say, Jade. This is so true. I couldn't more agree. You know I were bullied, I felt like this. Exactly what you just described. I just couldn't find the right words, I guess."

Jade leans in for a hug. "You're so strong Jesy. And Perrie is too. She'll get trough this, I'm sure."

I nodd, as I take Jade in my arms. "She will. She just really needs our help."

Suddenly guilt washes over me. I can't help her. I'm only going to bring her into more trouble. I have to unite her with the boy who's the reason behind her mental breakdown. And the problem is, I have to do it. I can't decline. If I'd do that, Little Mix will never be together anymore. I'll put her into trouble, to solve a problem...

Leigh-Anne's POV

I promised Perrie to stay with her, so here I am. Next to Perrie, with my notebook drawing small drawings.

I started with just drawing a few lines, but after a while I'd drawn a radio, a bowtie, a cap and a flower. And to be honest, it gave me a really, really, really strange vibe. I don't where it's coming from but it makes me shiver.

It looks somewhat familiar... Yeah, I know everyone has seen a radio, a bowtie, a cap and flower in their life, but this is different. 

Gosh, I'm being all hazy. My thoughts are being hazy. I groan, as I pull my hands trough my hair. What is wrong with me?

These are four simple things. Everyone has seen them in their life. But suddenly they give me the feeling. 

Wait

The feeling, I experienced, always has something to do with Little Mix ... I shiver again. It's still weird to say. But that put aside, maybe the cap, flower, bowtie and radio have something to do with Little Mix too.

"Leigh, you're pondering. Stop it." Perrie turned her head in my direction. She tries to manage a smile.

Look at her, my baby. Covered in bandage and still trying to help me. She's hiding what she feels, but she should know I love her and that I'd never judge her. But I also know that that isn't the way it works. 

"Perrie, please. Look at yourself. Wrapped up in bandages and you're worrying about me? And besides, I think you are the one who should stop pondering."

Perrie lets escape a small giggle. "I know."

"Let go all the negativity, focus on your happiness. What is your happiness?"

Perrie stays silent as she stares at her hands. Her hair falls in front on of her eyes.

"When is something your happiness?" She asks then, fear all over her face.

I wonder why she's scared for my answer. It's not like I could give her an answer which could hurt her. Right? What am I even going to answer? When is something your happiness?

"When you can't live without it. You can't live without your happiness, so I guess that's the answer. When you can't live without it."

Perrie has turned white, and swallows hard. Her eyes are filled with tears.

"What's wrong?" I ask, as I grab her hand.

"N-n-nothing. I'm fine."

I roll my eyes. "Sure, and I'm Santa Claus. Listen, Edwards. I know there's something wrong so you don't have to try to hide it."

Perrie softly giggles trough her tears. "Okay, I give in."

Perrie's POV

I can't stop myself from letting out a small giggle, even though it hurts. Everything hurts right now. Not just my body.

"Okay, I give in" I decide to say. But I won't tell her the truth. I just can't.

Leigh nodds, making clear I can start. Perrie, think. Quickly.

"The bandages just really hurt. And it made me emotional to think of my happiness, because Little Mix is my happiness. But that doesn't really exist anymore. So I don't know what my happiness is."

I silenty sigh in relief. I think that was credible. And I don't think she noticed the shiver in my voice, because of the crap I told.

"Aww, Perrie! You have me, Jesy, Jade, your family... So many people who care about you. We all want to be your sunshine in your dark times."

I nodd, as I wipe away a few tears. If only someone could save me from the darkness surrounding me.

"Now, chop chop. Let's make some fun. What do you want to do?"

"Watch Mean Girls!" I shout, pretending to be excited and a bit too loud. Ouch, that hurt.

"Sure" Leigh smiles. She stands up to grab the Mean Girls DVD and puts it in the DVD player.

"Mean Girls?" Zayn holds up the all too familiar DVD box with Lindsay Lohan in the middle. God, I love this movie so much. It's like the bible under the movies.

I immediately push the thought away. Whoohoo, suddenly I'm going to remember my moments with Zayn? When will my fate finally understand it? I HATE HIM. I DESPISE HIM. HE'S AN ASSHOLE AND I'LL NEVER LIKE HIM AGAIN.

I groan as I clench my fist. Okay Perrie, you have to promise yourself. Never let him in again.

I touch the necklace I'm wearing to promise myself, and I swallow as I officially blocked Zayn Malik out of my life. I know it will be hard.

But I also know this is the right thing to do.

A.N. as first; today is my baby's birthday! happy birthday hava, i love you to pieces ♡ i'm sooo proud of you, and you're an amazing person.

thank y'all so much for the reads, comments and votes! we love you all so much, so thanks a lot! we're really curious what your fav chapter is, so please comment! again, thank you all SO MUCH. xoxo