Lost Souls (Agent Severide Serie Book 5)

Chapter 11

Chicago River, Downtown Chicago, 

Severide sprinted for a few blocks ignoring the aching coming from her lungs, the blonde only slowed her pace when she got to Shay's favourite bridge, the same bridge she jumped in almost a year ago to save that family. "You're not gonna jump are you?" Jay asked from behind her, "No, If I was gonna off myself it wouldn't be like this" the blonde replied staring at the water flowing in the river under them. "I can't believe you actually kept up, figured I lost you on Eastview and Brant street," she said with a sigh. "You can't shake me that easy," he replied leaning on the rail next to her. 

"What's going on babe?" he asked her keeping his focus on the blonde. "It's all my fault you know?" She said more than asked keeping her eyes fixated on the dark water in the river. "If I hadn't been driving to that location after Ikes like that the car wouldn't have spun out, I almost got Morgan and Antonio killed- Hey hey slow down, none of this is on you Zoey," Jay said cutting her off as she looked at him. "No listen, I wouldn't have walked right into that trap, I wouldn't have gotten Benny killed. I would've never been in that office with Leads and none of this would've.. none of this would've... happened," Severide said shuttering taking shallow breaths. "In the time.. In the time it took me to get... back to the office.. I was already reassigned... all.. all because.. I wouldn't... W-wouldn't.." Severide stuttered over her words trying to remember how to breath

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Zoey just breath," Jay said placing a hand on her back as she struggled to catch her breath. "I-i-i can't breath" she managed to say through gaspy breaths, "I think you're having a panic attack, come here, sit down," The detective said leading her over to a nearby bench after you walk off the bridge. "Sit down, okay. Just feel my hand, squeeze my hand, put your head down," he said rubbing her back as she sobbed trying to take more than a shallow breath. "Just put your head down, and breathe. Just breathe" he said again as she squeezed her left hand as she put her head down still taking gaspy breaths. "I shouldn't have been there," she cried softly with her head down while Jay just rubbed her back trying to calm her down. 

"This is, Hey this is not on you, This is not on you," he repeated to her as he rubbed her back. "If I had of just called Hotch none of it would've happened... it's destroying me I can't" she cried hysterically. "Zoey, what is destroying you?" Jay asked her, "I can't live with it, I can't." she sobbed as Jay continued to rub her back. "Just breath babe," he said as she took a deep shaky breath. "There you go," he said encouraging her as she took a few more deep breaths. 

"I'm sorry," she said after her breaths slowed down a bit, "Don't be sorry, we'll get through this. Just like we always do," Jay said pulling her into a hug. "Why don't we head home" he suggested to her. "Home?" she asked looking at him as a smirk formed on his face. "Yeah, wherever you are is home to me," he said causing a smile to form on her face. "So that's a yes to the townhouse then," Severide replied, "It's a maybe, why don't we head back to our place get some sleep and look at some places in the morning?" he suggested. 'Our house' the blonde thought, "I don't think I'm gonna sleep much, I haven't in days. The nightmares- I got you, every step of the way" Jay said kissing her cheek causing her to smile and look into his mesmerizing bluish-green eyes as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers softly. "How about I pick up some deep dish on the way? we can curl up on the couch and watch Rick and Morty if you want?" the detective suggested. 

"Sound's like a date," she said standing up followed by Jay who took her left hand in his as they started walking back to Med where his truck was parked. "Why don't you move back in with me?" the detective asked halfway through the walk back to the hospital they could see about a block away. "How about after we get married, considering I've moved like 6 times in the last couple of years now," she replied earning a look from Jay. "You didn't have to move out," he said, "I know but I also thought you were still married and made me the other woman, remember" Severide replied as they walked over to his light grey pickup truck. 

Jay unlocked the truck and the two climbed in and the detective drove back to his apartment stopping to pick up deep dish and Zoey's favourite soda on the way. 

Jay's Apartment, Chicago 

Severide and Jay sat on the couch eating pizza and drinking cream soda while watching bob's burgers for a few hours. It didn't take long for Zoey to fall asleep exhausted from her breakdown and the lack of sleep. Jay thought about moving her to his room but decided against it knowing how much it would scare her to wake up where she didn't fall asleep. Instead, he pulled her closer to him and fell asleep holding his fiance in his arms again. Something he longed for since she left almost 10 months ago. 

After what felt like minutes Severide started squirming in her sleep tossing and turning. The movement woke the detective causing him to look at the blonde who was shaking and whimpering in her sleep. "Zoey, babe" Jay said softly shaking her shoulder, the blonde shot across the couch away from his touch as she tried to catch her breath staring towards his direction. "Hey, it's okay. Zoey it's me, Jay" he said softly as she stood up running her hands through her hair in frustration. 

Severide shuttered still at the nightmare that felt so real even down to still feeling where their hands lingered. "Zo," Jay said standing up and walking towards her too quickly causing her to step back, he paused at her movement and his face fell. "Zo it's okay, your safe. They can't hurt you again," Jay said causing the blonde to look up at him with tears running down her face. "They... they..." she stuttered as she walked over to the detective that pulled her into a hug. "just breath babe, I got you now," he said soothing her. "I wish they'd stop," she cried softly, "In time they will, but it's difficult and you gotta work through it not against it," he said softly kissing her head.