Lost Souls (Agent Severide Serie Book 5)

Chapter 10

Chicago Med 

Severide sat in a trauma room in the ED after getting X-Rays on her hand. She was now just waiting with Jay, Reid and Prentiss. "Why'd you punch a wall?" Jay asked as Prentiss went to go talk to Connor and Reid went to go find a bathroom. "Because it was giving me a dirty look," she said with a smirk as the detective just gave her an unamused look. "Have you ever done undercover work before?" she asked him softly as she spun the ring on her left hand. "Yea a few times between intelligent and organized crime," Jay replied before taking her left hand in his. "I begged my handler to pull me out of there months ago Jay, I thought I was never gonna come back at one point. That I'd just be another victim to these vile people and even though I survived a huge part of me died there and I don't how the hell I'm supposed to recover from it or move past it when..." Severide paused. 

Jay squeezed her hand reassuring her, "I can't even look at myself in the mirror, because I don't recognize who I am anymore." the blonde said before looking at the detective with tears in her eyes. "I can't imagine the things you had to deal with while you were undercover, but that doesn't define you. That isn't who you are and you aren't like any of them," Jay said sincerely as a tear fell from her eyes. "How'd you cope with the things you had to do?" she asked him honestly wanting to know how he dealt with all of it. 

The detective took a deep breath thinking for a moment, "When I get down I try to think about all the friends I lost overseas and the sacrifices they made so that I could come home. I just try to honour them I guess," he replied surprising Severide. He'd never talked about his time in the army much so she was surprised when he brought it up. 

A knock came from the door as Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Halstead appeared in the room, "What's up doc's" Severide asked like bugs bunny causing them to laugh a bit. "Well you have 3 broken knuckles and a fractured wrist," Will said looking over the x-rays as Reid and Prentiss walked back into the room. "Because they healed out of place we're gonna have to reset the bones," Dr. Rhodes explained. "Wouldn't it just be easier to just punch another wall?" she asked not liking the sound of them breaking her hand to reset her bones back into place. 

The room went quiet, "I'm kidding, do what you gotta do," the blonde said before she held out her hand towards him. "We can get you pain- Just do it quick, like ripping off a bandaid." the blonde said earning a look of shock from the room. "I'll be fine," she said reassuring them as they both exchanged looks but walked over to the right side of her bed. "Are you sure you don't want something for the pain?" Will asked her. "Yea" she replied just wanting to get this over with so she could go home and lay in bed for the next month straight. 

"Okay so this is gonna hurt okay but I need you to take deep breathes for me okay?" Dr. Rhodes said as Will held her arm steady. Severide took a deep breath, "That's it," Will said encouraging her. "On 3. 1...... 2" Connor said and pushed her knuckles back in place. The blonde squeezed her eyes shut biting down on her lip to stop herself from screaming. "You okay?" Will asked as she took a sharp breath and nodded. "Okay we just have to reset your wrist and we can take some more x-rays and cast your wrist and hand okay?" Dr. Rhodes said. 

"Alright," she said looking at the doctor's as Will held her arm, "Okay take a few deep breaths," the ginger told her as she did as she was told. "1.... 2...... 3" Connor said as a crack sounded through the room followed by a cry of pain from Severide who pulled her arm back. "dammit" she muttered softly. "You did really good, especially for no pain meds" the doctor Rhodes said as they went to x-ray her hand again and put a cast over her knuckles and wrist telling her it would be about a month-long healing process. "No more punching walls, even if they had it coming," Will told her with a smirk before he left the room. 

Severide got up and gathered her stuff as Reid's phone rang, "Dr. Reid, alright we'll meet you there, bye" he said causing the blonde to pause. "We gotta go, we got a case," he said sadly, "Go kick some ass, I'll see you guys when I get back. I'm sure the directors gonna wanna meet about the assignment at some point," Severide replied. "Hotch didn't tell you?" Prentiss said more than asked causing the agent to shake her head no. "Hotch and Rossi had enough evidence that you don't need to make any statements between their finding from the investigation in Chicago and the log books you left in New Jersey they insisted you didn't need to brought in for statements or meetings. It's all over with," Prentiss said. 

"It's- It's all done and over with, Hotch figured it'd be easier for you this way instead of continuing to drag things back up," Reid said. "Have you, talked to anyone about what happened?" Prentiss asked earning a look from both Will and Jay. "I don't need a shirk, I'm honestly good," Severide said. "You punched a wall, and broke your hand, no offence but that's not really what I'd call good" Jay said. "There are people you can talk to here and programs- I'd don't need a therapist, you guys. I just need to move on with my life, it's in the past it's done," she said shutting down the idea. "Can I ask you why you're so against the idea?" Will asked her, "Because I don't enjoy the idea of sitting down and telling some stranger my worst fears and the worst moments of my life. I don't need shit out there that could be used against me" Severide remarked. "We do have to go, but you know you have to have a psych evaluation before you're cleared for work so, think about it," Prentiss told her before she and Reid disappeared out the doorway. "So it's settled then," Will said before leaving the room, In all honestly Severide was thinking of leaving her job. 

She had no idea where she'd go or what she'd do if she left but a part of her was thinking about starting a new chapter. One that involved less murder and violence on a daily basis one where she could possibly have a normal life. The blonde stood up and gathered her stuff and started walking out of the room. "Zoey, where are you going?" Jay asked following her, "I'm not talking to a therapist Jay," she said walking out of the Ed and into the parking lot. "Zo-" before he could finish saying her name the blonde sprinted off.