Secrets with Wolff - Max Verstappen

10.

I was standing in the media pen waiting for the drivers to arrive. The race was over. Lando did a decent job but Max had to retire his car again.
I knew he probably thought the championship was already lost.

There was a lot of commotion. I could feel that everyone was whispering about something. "What's going on?" I asked my colleagues from Sky Sports. "Max is skipping his media duties today, so he is not coming" I looked at him confused.
"Isn't there a huge fine for that?" He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess he really didn't want to come out today" This really wasn't like him. He always disliked doing interviews and media stuff but he always did them, even after both crashes with Lewis.

I turned to Olivia who was standing next to me. "Can you finish the rest of the interviews? I need to check something real quick" she nodded and took the microphone from my hands.
I didn't need to check something, I needed to check on someone.

The hospitalities were kind of empty. Everyone was either at the garages or doing interviews. Everyone except for Max.
I walked in the Red Bull hospitality and before I knew I was standing in front of the door of his drivers room.
I knocked three times, it became our thing. We always knocked three times so we knew who it was. He didn't answer so I just opened his door.
He was laying on his couch with his arm over his head. I closed the door behind me. I didn't really know what to do so I just stood there until he looked up.

"Didn't expect to see you in here." He looked me straight in the eyes. He was still wearing his racing suit half way down. "I wanted to check if you were okay. Why are you skipping your interviews?" He put his hand through his hair and sat up straight. "Because Rylee, I didn't want to see you there." His words cut like a knife. I should've expected that. He was always straight forward. I didn't answer, I just sat down next to him. His eyes looked red and tired. He put his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands.
My heart broke in a million pieces. "I am sorry"
I whispered under my breath. It was the only thing I could say. "Are you happy?" He looked at me, it actually looked like he didn't sleep for several days. "I am getting there" I nodded softly. I really enjoyed being with Lando but we obviously weren't on the level yet where Max and I were.
"Then you don't have to be sorry. I will get there too... someday" he smiled but once again, it wasn't his real smile. It wasn't the smile I fell in love with.
He deserved to be happy, he deserved someone who really cared about him. He was such an amazing person. "Can I have a hug?" He asked still wearing his fake smile and I nodded. We hugged for a couple of seconds and once again it felt like home.

I missed him, his smell, his arms, his chest where I felt completely safe when he was holding me.
I didn't expect to miss him so much, but I could never go back. I couldn't go back to hiding and lying all the time. I was done with that.