To Believe In Promises (Tumbling Down trilogy - DM fanfic)

What's The Matter? (Ch.1)

(AN: I AM SO SORRY ABOUT MY ABSENCE. My phone broke and my replacement is not another smart phone so i have to do this online. It'll be a little longer between postings and I know its been forever. If you want a longer explanation, message me or look on my profile. I posted something the day before my phone got replaced so its on there too.I may not get another smartphone until AUGUST and again Im SUPER SORRY LIKE OMG I CRY )

"This is my promise."
"This is my promise."
"This is my promise."

My feet are tucked under me as I let my head fall to my bed.

Why did I do it? Why? I was so stupid, oh my god.

I didn't even want to have sex. Did I? I don't know. In the moment maybe, but...

I let out another ugly cry.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I hear knocking at my door. Immediately, I stop crying, wipe my eyes, and rush to my desk.

Me: It's open!

Mom enters and puts a plate of spaghetti next to me. I don't look up, but say, "thanks".

Mom: You've been up here all day. You okay?
Me: Yeah. This paper for class is just a little much.
Mom: Take a break. Eat and relax.

I nod and take the plate. My eyes look up just to see her leave.

That was close.

I'm not hungry at all, just like most nights nowadays, but I know I have to eat.

So I do. Barely. The rest of the food goes in the trash when nobody's looking.

Back up in my room, I think about that night from three weeks ago. I let him touch me, which I didn't mind. I pulled off his shirt first. I didn't care about being bare.

I still don't know what to do.

I just feel so...dirty.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Abby: And one, and two, and threeee, and four, and five.

I finish the section of my solo strongly. I know it's strong. I've put all concentration into this dance and I won't let my stupid decisions get into my head.

Abby: Good! You're doing really well this week. Focus on extending the back leg in this section, a little timing, and I'd say you're good.

I nod.

She tells me to call Clara in and when I do, I sit where she was in the den.

I start scrolling Twitter, Instagram, and even Facebook, which I only have to communicate with my extended family.

While on the forgotten social media site, I see a post from one of my older cousins, Kimberly.

"Looks like that constant craving for bread should tipped me off about the bun in the oven!" reads the post. I smile, finding her stupid pun humorous. She's wanted kids all her life, and now she'll get one, after 24 years. I comment "congratulations!" and continue scrolling.

Yet another kid added to this crazy family. Well, at least I'll get to be a...what's a mother's cousin called? Not aunt or uncle. Whatever, everyone will say "aunt" anyways.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I wake up the next morning to cramps.

Which is actually a relief because my period is a couple days late. But there's no blood when I check. Huh. Maybe it'll come later today.