To Believe In Promises (Tumbling Down trilogy - DM fanfic)

From Pittsburgh to Houston, I Love You (Ch.17)

~1 month later; Jan. 25th; 2:14 AM~

Tyler: Mackenzie, it's okay.
Me: I thought you were dead.
Tyler: Baby, that's not gonna happen.

I release a shuttering breath as I try to curl into him more. That was the first nightmare I've had about him dying. And I know it's the first of many.

Me: How do you know that?
Tyler: Because. I just do.

I sit up and wipe my eyes. I know for the next 15 months he will be safe. But I want him to be safe, meaning, not in the Marines and home with me.

My arms are around his waist and I squeeze. He's quick to press a kiss to my forehead.

Me: What am I supposed to do with myself all summer?
Tyler: Keep Tori company. Help at the studio.
Me: Isn't Tori going to that camp she always goes to?
Tyler: Not this year. She said she didn't want to.

I frown, knowing Tori always loved going to that camp. Maybe it's "not cool" anymore.

I let the conversation drop, knowing he's probably tired. I'll be awake for awhile, as for usual, but he's gonna be out in minutes. Snuggling back into him, I listen to his heartbeat. It's as strong and steady as ever.

But instead of hearing his breathing slow down, I hear it stay constant. He breaks the silence about ten minutes later.

Tyler: I can't promise you it's gonna be easy, because it won't. B-
Me: That doesn't make me feel bette-
Tyler: But, I can promise that I'm coming back home. As many times as they let me for as long as they let me.
Me: I know.
Tyler: And, I love you.
Me: I know that too. Love you more.
Tyler: I thought we went over this. No you don't.
Me: I only let you have that cuz you were upset. I actually love you more.

Flipping is over, he takes my waist.

Tyler: Do not.
Me: Do so.
Tyler: Do not, do not, do not.

Before I respond, he kisses me, holding me down so I can't move. Or fight him, for that matter. Not that I wanted to.

He lowers himself onto me more, trapping me completely in his kisses. His kisses that travel to my neck. His left hand is tangled in my hair, the other is holding my hand.

And I can't think.
Or breathe.
Or move.
But I love it.

When his lips touch my neck, I react with a slight gasp and my free hand lurches to his back, my nails digging through the fabric.

And before I know what I'm doing, those same nails - and the others, breaking free from Tyler's hand - tug at his shirt until he sits up to let me pull it off.

Then I see my Greek statue, or the human form of it. His bones are like chiseled stone, every part of him muscle.

My fingers glide up his chest and settle around his neck, accepting kisses until his hands touch the skin at my waist, and I lift my arms until I'm free of the fabric.

In a desperate fight, we free each other of clothing, only slowing to a near stop when I hear him whispering to me.

Tyler: We don't have to do this.
Me: But I want to.
Tyler: Remember what happened last time?
Me: Remember how I'm not considered suicidal by my doctors now?
Tyler: I'm just making sure.
Me: I'm sure. Just kiss me.

He follows my orders, lying me down beneath him.

I close my eyes, even though the room is nearly 100% dark. I don't care. All I want to do is feel him tonight.

~•~

Don't cry until he leaves.
Don't cry until he leaves.
Don't cry until he leaves.
You can cry all you want after he's on that plane. But before, you won't cry.
You won't cry until he leaves.

My arms are wrapped around me in a way to comfort myself as I watch him go down the line. Him and his brother just kind of nod at each other. Jessie hugs him but smacks the back of his head. She's always done that, but it doesn't make it any less funny. Tori has been crying since Tyler told her he was leaving. I still see her as a nine year old, even though she's thirteen now. I guess Tyler does too, because he picks her up, much like he does with me.

Maybe that's why he's so good at handling my irrational outbursts. He's had two sisters to comfort for...a long time.

Tyler: I'm not gonna be gone forever. You'll see me in about three months, okay?

Tori nods, but doesn't say anything. Tyler sets her down, but not after giving her a tight hug.

Mary is forcing herself not to cry right now, but it's not hard for her. I can tell. The Momma's Boy hugs who put him on a throne in the beginning, then moves onto me.

Tyler: Do you need me to pick you up, too?

I shake my head, hiding my tears.

Me: Shut up.
Tyler: Wow, okay. I'll just go th-
Me: No!

I grab at his arms, but I know he's not leaving yet. He turns back to me and gives me his famous Tyler hugs, that I thought were just for me until Tori got one two minutes ago. Whatever. I get most of them, so that's important.

He kisses me once, he tells me he loves me, then we all watch him walk down then terminal.

After a couple seconds, Mary interrupts all our thoughts.

Mary: Anyone hungry?

No. None of us are. I'm too upset to eat.

Mark: I am.

Oh, I stand corrected. Of course he is.

Mary: Well the food court is right over there.

I zone her out but start walking. Tori, who is 5 years younger than me, but is taller than me, comes over to me, out of everyone. Instinctively, I drape my arm over her shoulders and let her lean into as we walk. She sits and tells everyone, rather brashly, that she's not hungry. I'm not either, but I accept the medium order of fries I receive to share with Tori.

Me: Tine to introduce you to the female world. Food cures everything.

I take a couple fries and dip them in ketchup, then eat them. The saltiness makes my mouth water.

Me: Ice cream or chocolate works best, but take what you can get.

Tori shows the tiniest of smiles, but still doesn't eat. I understand completely, but Mary and Jessie may find some serious worry in it. Or maybe they won't. All of us have been very low before. Sometimes, you just have to wait it out.

15 months is a long time to wait, but a lifetime without a father is even longer.

That's when I realize why she's even more upset than I am. Tyler practically became her father when their actual father died. She clung to him, cuz she was afraid to lose him. He was all she knew.

Damn. I'm just like her. Or...she's just like me.

I look over to the girl with dark brown hair up in a messy bun. She's avoiding eye contact with everyone.

Yeah, just like me.