To Believe In Promises (Tumbling Down trilogy - DM fanfic)

Drive (Ch.10)

Tyler: Where do you wanna go now?

He's driving, and glances over at me.

Me: I don't care.
Tyler: We have the whole weekend.
Me: I know.
Tyler: We can go wherever you want.

I nod, looking down at my legs. His hand comes into view when he touches my knee. It makes me jump.

Tyler: What's up?

I shake my head, feeling...numb.

Tyler: Kenz, what are you thinking?
Me: Nothing.
Tyler: We're gonna do this again?
Me: It's just...what are we thinking? I'm gonna be in school for another three years and then...who the hell knows?!

He turns on to a one-way street and pulls over. This could be considered an alley, actually, but whatever. He turns off the car.

Me: What?
Tyler: Do you really think this has anything to do with school?
Me: Yeah. And it does.
Tyler: I made you come out here so I could see you. I needed to see you.
Me: Why?
Tyler: I knew you weren't okay. It was obvious.
Me: How?
Tyler: You were drinking! You went o that party. That isn't you.
Me: We broke up forever ago! I'm different now! I care about things that aren't my pointe shoes and whether my mom is gonna yell at me for being out or not!
Tyler: Who's Drake?

I give him a confused look.

Me: What?
Tyler: Who's Drake?
Me: He's...nobody. Look, I-
Tyler: Who is he?
Me: Why do you care?
Tyler: I'm trying to make a point and I would appreciate if you wouldn't be difficult about it.
Me: So now I'm difficult?
Tyler: Just answer my question.
Me: My roommate's brother.
Tyler: Who, I assume, you were dating.
Me: No, I wasn't.
Tyler: We were broken up, Mackenzie. It doesn't matter if you were or not. It's not like you cheated on me.
Me: But I cheated on him with you over break. And it felt like I was cheating on you when I was dating him but I don't know why. I just...
Tyler: You weren't
Me: But I was!

He was always mine and I was always his. Whether we were officially together or not, we were connected. I was thought about him, comparing Drake to him. Drake deserves way better than that.

Tyler: But you weren't.

I feel his hand brush my hair behind my shoulder. The touch of his warm skin against my cold makes me shiver.

Tyler: You missed me, whether you believed it or not.
Me: So?
Tyler: You want us to happen again.
Me: Why is this all on me?
Tyler: It isn't.
Me: Then why do you keep saying its what I want? What do you want?
Tyler: You.

I roll my eyes. Couldn't he have just said that?

Tyler: All I've ever wanted, since the minute you weren't with me, was you. You don't know that?

I shrug. He...He's Tyler. He could have whoever he wanted! Why did he choose me? Me, who was depressed and bullied and beaten and only cared about dance. Me, who nearly killed myself, who danced as much as she could so she could avoid all problems. My doctors all thought I had anorexia athletica because all I ever did was exercise.

Why did he want me?

Tyler: Stop fighting. You'll never be happy if you fight.

His fingers graze my cheek.

Me: I've never been happy! Don't you know that? My parents divorced when I was a little! My sister was always favorited, even by my mom! We were homeschooled and I had to leave all my friends because of Maddie! I went back to school and my family and Abby like...hated me! Kayla happened, depression happened, our breakup happened! I've never been happy, I never will be! I can't be okay!

He easily takes my left wrist and reaches for the other one. I keep my hand as far as possible from him but he catches it easily.

Tyler: When you're with me, you're okay. You're safe. You have to know that.

I nod, but I can't look him in the eye.

Tyler: You, no matter what, were better off with me. You always felt better with me. You fell asleep next to me with no problems. You would laugh. You smiled.
Me: So what?
Tyler: Let yourself be okay. The only one standing in the way of it is you.

I lean back and take a breath.

Me: Okay.

He leans over and kisses my temple, then my cheek, then turns my head to kiss my lips. I find myself unbuckling my seatbelt so I can sit up and hold on to him. He touches my hair and my face and my neck. My nails dig into his arms.

I just want to touch him. I want him to touch me. Just so I know he's there, and this isn't fake. I can have him back.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Me: You don't have to do this.
Tyler: I want to. And you do too.

I roll my eyes but get in his car anyways.

It's not long in to the drive I turn up the quiet radio. ♫they gonna be out, lookin' for us all night; they got a search party with them big flashlights♫ I start singing quietly.

Tyler: You never did change.
Me: Huh?
Tyler: The radio. Your feet up.
Me: Haven't done this is awhile.

We cross the state border. Not so much longer to go, which scares me.

Tyler: We'll figure out something, Kenz.
Me: I know.

My voice has become all airy and quiet.

Tyler: Then stop looking like you wanna pass out.
Me: Sorry, that's kind of my thing.
Tyler: I didn't say it was-
Me: Whatever.

We're on a road that is fairly empty, lined with trees on either side. He pulls over.

Me: Tyler, just drive.
Tyler: No.

He kills the engine.

Me: Seriously, what the f-
Tyler: I don't want you to go back upse-
Me: No matter what happens, I'll be upset going back to school, so it doesn't matter.
Tyler: I'll be waiting for you when school's over. You don't have to worry about that.

I feel his fingers on my skin, the rough callouses gently scratching my arms. It sends shivers through me.

Me: But I will.
Tyler: I should be worrying about you. I know you'll miss me or even miss whoever Drake is and go to him. Or someone else. Or maybe you'll just think about it. But I'm not worrying.
Me: I'm not sure if you're crazy for not worrying or for thinking I'd let myself do that.
Tyler: Both. And I'm okay with it.
Me: You're so messed up.
Tyler: You're not?

I sit back and roll my eyes. It's true, but I still don't believe it.

Me: Fine.
Tyler: So don't worry about me. I'm gonna be in the same place I've always been.
Me: With which blonde on your arm?
Tyler: Really?
Me: I'm just looking for an honest answer.
Tyler: I don't want a blonde.
Me: So...you want...Kendall, Maddie, N-
Tyler: You, you little shit.

He smirks and tries to tickle me. I'm not up for laughing, but I don't have a choice in the matter tonight. I can barely get out the word "stop", I'm laughing so hard.

When he does, his fingers glide up from my waist to my cheek, then he kisses my forehead. I miss his kisses. I don't want him to pull away and he doesn't. I reach out and touch my fingers to his neck.

Slowly, he pulls away from my lips, but not more than an inch.

Tyler: I love you. I'm not going anywhere.
Me: I know.

It's still so long before we could be together all the time again.

Me: I love you too.

He kisses me again, sending a wave of comfort through me.