To Believe In Promises (Tumbling Down trilogy - DM fanfic)

Numbers, and Murders, and Tears (Ch.15)

I never thought I'd see this. It's breaking my heart. No, not just breaking it, shattering it.

I hug him tighter, hoping he'll keep talking to me, but he won't. He stays silent, the only sound being the sniffling he's trying to hide from me.

Me: Tyler, you didn't kill him.
Tyler: Yeah. I did.

I break away from his grasp to look him in the eye. His eyes are rimmed red, and is trying not to look at me. But I can still see him. And he can still see me.

Me: Did you drive the car that killed him?
Tyler: He was speeding home for m-
Me: DID YOU drive the car that killed him?

He doesn't answer.

Me: Answer the question!
Tyler: No!
Me: No, what? No, you weren't driving the car or no, you refuse to answer?!
Tyler: No, I wasn't driving the car! But he died coming home for me!
Me: Yeah, he did. He wanted to see his son. He was going home because he was so happy to watch you turn thirteen.
Tyler: Well, he never got to do that, did he?! My actual birthday was the Monday after that!
Me: And it wasn't you driving drunk! You did not kill your father! Just like...

I get why he started telling me this. He blames himself for everything. It was what he's done since he was emotionally scarred as a...not even as a teenager. He was just a kid.

Me: Just like with me. You made me your friend. I didn't have any of those. You made me laugh, which I didn't do. Y-
Tyler: And I had an ex girlfriend who I knew would give you shit. Do you remember Diane Reynolds?

I nod.

Tyler: Kayla told her I got her pregnant then dumped her. She told Carmen Lins I had chlamydia. And then she flat-out bullied you. I brought that on you. I knew it was Kayla but I couldn't get it to stop. I shouldn't have talked to you at all. I should've just left you alone. But I didn't.
Me: And look how much better I am because of it.

I'm going against my former statements but I hope he doesn't notice.

Tyler: That's all on you. Why you fucking stuck around, I'll never know.
Me: Because I love you. It's not that hard.
Tyler: You almost died! I almost killed you.

I take his head in my hands, forcing his eyes to mine.

Me: You did not kill your father. You did not nearly kill me. Shit happens. And if that shit was Kayla, and cutting, and...a pregnancy scare, then what else is there to hurt me? Nothing. I've seen it all now.
Tyler: I wreck everything, Mackenzie. How can you not see that?
Me: Because it isn't true. Why are you doing this, this Marines thing. Why? There has to be a good reason if you're leaving me here, all by myself.
Tyler: My dad.
Me: What was that?
Tyler: My dad. That's the reason. He wanted to join the Marines. They didn't accept him. Why, who knows. Maybe he'd be alive if he did. Maybe he'd be dead all the same. Maybe it wouldn't be my fault this time.

I sit back, wondering if it's this hard to talk to me. Am I this stubborn?

Me: Fine. I give up. Keep thinking the way you are. It won't help you.
Tyler: If I could handle thinking like this for say...6 years...I think I can-
Me: Remember how I told you I could live without my family, having done it for 16 years already? And you said you need family. It was fucking true, Tyler. Don't think you can be alone.
Tyler: I don't have a lot to work with, really! Do you not get that? You live a sheltered life! I grew up with just a mom. My older sister, who barely had it together as it was took care of me! I became a father to a 6 year old when my dad died! You have three parents! You have a sister to protect you! You have your dance coaches and your friends and their parents and-
Me: And you have a mother and three siblings and your friends! You have me!

I'm yelling at this point, begging him to getting point. I feel frustrated tears hitting my cheeks.

Me: Numbers don't matter! All I really ever needed was you, remember? All that time driving in your car, me stealing your sweatshirts, falling asleep on you. I was happy. I was okay. For once in my life I was okay.
Tyler: And maybe I'll never be okay.
Me: Or maybe you're afraid to be okay. You're afraid to live in a life where your dad isn't in your every move you make. It's okay. Get rid of the guitar. Don't go to the Marines. It's okay. Your father loved you. He won't care. And yeah, he's dead. But you didn't kill him! You still have him.

He pulls me close to him again.

Tyler: I just miss him so much sometimes.

He shakes a little as he begins to cry once more. I stay where I'm put, telling him over and over its okay.

•••

Short chapter! But daaaaamn, my thoughts are just running on this story tonight 😂😂😂 sorry for the heartbreak guys 😁😁😁