To Believe In Promises (Tumbling Down trilogy - DM fanfic)

Faults (Ch.4)

I still don't call Tyler.

I spend hours and hours staring at my phone, trying. And when I do call him, I chicken out.

But his winter break is coming. He gets 10 days more off than I do. But I still get what I want earlier.

He comes home Friday. And may I say this week is the longest week of my life.

When it's finally over, my stress turns into excitement.

Too bad it doesn't last.

When he gets home, I know the first thing he does is come to my door.

He knocks, and, obviously, I'm sitting by the window with the love seat in the front of the house. I get up and come outside, without shoes.

Tyler: You're gonna freeze your feet.
Me: I'll be fine.

I lean my hips against the railing on the porch, willing him to come closer. He does, just barely touching my waist - I think. His fingers probably aren't even within a centimeter; I'm probably imagining it. But I jump anyways.

Tyler: What?
Me: N-Nothing.

I push away my thoughts, my jitters, and let him kiss me. I don't jump, but I don't relax against him. I'm rigid.

He seems to catch on pretty fast that I'm not myself. Probably because I won't move my hands from the porch railing.

Tyler: What's up with you?
Me: What are you talking about?

All of a sudden, it clasps the side of my waist. I gasp in shock.

Tyler: That.
Me: Nothing. I'm just...on edge.
Tyler: Why?
Me: I've been stressed lately. I dunno. But I'm really...not...

I turn around and watch the falling snow. I'm cold and I shiver, but I don't care. I feel Tyler's jacket drape around my shoulders. My fingers hold onto each side so it doesn't fall off.

He stands over me, his chest against my back, his hands resting on the railing where mine were.

I don't want him thinking I'm blocking him out, so I push my back into him.

I feel his hot breaths on my neck right before kisses. It sends a shiver through me.

Me(whispering): Tyler...

I try to pull away, but I can't. So I keep talking.

Me: I have to tell you-

The door opens. It's either Mom or Greg, we know, so he pulls away.

Mom: What are you two doing out here? It's freezing.
Tyler: I agree.

He turns to me with a smirk. My stomach lurches.

But not how it did back in October. It used to do that all the time, when we started dating - and even before that. He would get me all nervous and giggly and...kissing him was...perfect.

And now I can barely let him get close to me.

But the nerves I'm getting now, that has to be a good sign, right?

I nod with a smile and let Tyler lead me inside. Warm air curls around my body and I take the jacket off my shoulders. While going up the stairs, I let the material fold in half over my arm, before I can drop it on my bed.

Tyler: Now. What were you saying outside?

I have to tell him. Now. Or I'll never be able to kiss him without guilt again.

Me: Remember the night before you left?
Tyler: I wouldn't forget.
Me: Mhm.

I turn towards my desk, mainly so I don't have to look at him.