Topic: Anxiety and Social anxiety.
I was never one to worry about how I was perceived by others for the longest time. I usually wouldn't care and would move on with my life. But now...it's so much different. Every second of the day I feel worry settle inside of my stomach, especially when I'm talking to my close friends and others. I've been having a hard time functioning in a social setting, especially at my church. I can't seem to sit still and I have to be fidgeting with something in order to calm down. Often times I force myself to zone out in order to distract myself from my own fears. I don't want my friends to figure out that something may be wrong, since it'll only be inconvenient to them and that they're busy. But I have a pretty good pokerface, so I should be okay. But...sometimes it's just bad, really, really bad. I have to often grip onto myself violently in order to "relax" my body, my mind. It hurts like hell, but it works. It's ten times worse with those I am incredibly close to. I always believe that my elatedness is annoying and I should just not be so hyper...even though I get like that when I'm super happy. I feel like they're judging me for being....my happynself, that I'm not allowed to feel that way. I think this is one of the reasons I really don't bother to show this side of me to others, especially my caring side. Since...I'm scared it'll either get ignored or just...not reciprocated. I always fear that I'm the only one who cares and that I'm being lied to constantly by the ones I am close with. It's a horrible, horrible feeling...these voices telling me that they truly don't care and that I'm replaceable, unlovable. But...I'm fine! I'll be fine...! No need to worry about me, haha!
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𝘼𝙙𝙢𝙞𝙣 𝘽𝙤𝙤𝙠 + 𝙌&𝘼
RandomI've seen a couple of these floating around the app and wanted to try it for myself. The Q&A portion is for y'all to get to know me better and just have fun asking me things. I thought this could be a fun little thing to do with you all, so here.
