Sebastian Stan Imagines

Bucky Barnes - Insecure

Summary: 

You've always had insecurities around the Avengers, and always thought you weren't good enough for your boyfriend, Bucky Barnes.

You started to ache for pain, and pain is what you got.

Warnings: Mentions of self-harm, eating disorder

Y/F/B= Your Favorite Book

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

You sat on the Avengers Compound couch, curled up, reading Y/F/B.

Your stomach grumbled, having you wince, but you ignored it.

Quickly looking around, you whipped out a marker from your sweater pocket, rolling up your sleeve that revealed cuts, burns, and talleys. You quickly marked a talley on your arm, counting.

15 days without any food except an apple every now and then.

You quickly rolled down your sleeve, placing your marker back in your pocket, right when the Avengers shuffled in.

"Hey Y/n!" Tony said. "Dinner will be ready soon."

You nodded.

"Also," Tony said. "Bruce is doing his daily check-ups after dinner."

Your head shot up, looking at Tony with panic.

"W-what?" You said.

"Doctors check up," Tony said. "Making sure everyone is okay."

He eyed you.

"Are you okay?" He asked. You nodded quickly, turning back to your book. 

The rest of the team sat down, and Bucky came in, wearing a tight black shirt with grey sweatpants. He sat next to you, wrapping his metal arm around your bony shoulders.

You shifted slightly, having him look at you.

"Are you okay?" He asked. 

You placed down your book, nodding.

"You usually say something when I walk in," Bucky said. "Did I do something?"

"What? No!" You said. "Of course not."

Bucky's eyes searched yours, and he sighed, leaning into you. You gathered him into your arms, allowing him to lean into you. 

"Hey Y/n?" Bruce said, coming in after a few minutes. "Can I check you up first?"

You looked at him in panic.

"Uh-"

"Go ahead doll," Bucky grumbled. "Then we can continue."

You looked at Bucky, panic rising. You nodded at Bruce, and followed him into the medical wing.

"I'm going to need you to take off your shirt," Bruce said. "I need to check your back, your shoulders, and your stomach."

"Uh," You said. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Bruce asked. You sighed, tears forming.

"Just don't be alarmed," You said, slowly taking off your shirt.

It revealed all the scars, burns, and talleys. 

"Y/n!" He said, grabbing your arms. "What are these talleys? Why are there cuts and burns?"

"I just-" You said, swallowing sobs. "I just don't think I'm good enough for the team. For Bucky. For anyone."

"What are these talleys?" He asked.

"That's how many days I've been able to survive without food," You said, quietly.

"Y/n, Y/n, Y/n," He said. "This is bad, bad, BAD!"

"Please don't tell the team," You pleaded.

"Oh, I won't tell," Bruce said. "You will."

"WHAT?!" You said. "No. Way! Bucky will leave me!"

"Of course he won't!" Bruce said. "He wants to be able to help you. You shouldn't starve, or do anything to yourself!"

His eyes widened.

"No wonder why you haven't been to dinner!" He said. You rolled your eyes, putting your sweater back on.

"I'm not telling anyone," You said, tugging at the sleeves. "And you won't either."

"Y/n, they're gonna figure out no matter what," Bruce said. 

"Fine!" You said. "Tell Bucky for all I care!"

Bruce eyed you, before nodding.

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

"Y/n? Y/n, doll?" Bucky said, knocking on your door. "Please let me in. I just want to talk."

"About what?" You said, not moving from your tear soaked sheets.

"Let me in and I'll tell you," Bucky said. You didn't answer.

"Bruce told you," You said. 

"Doll," Bucky said. 

"It isn't important," You said. "M'fine."

"No, you're not," Bucky said. "Please, doll. You mean so much to me."

You didn't answer.

"The doors unlocked," You said. The door twisted open, and Bucky walked in, closing it behind him.

You had your shirt off, revealing all the scars, burns, and talleys, and you rested on your bed, tangled and face soaked with tears.

Bucky kneeled next to the bed, grabbing your right arm.

His eyes filled with tears when he saw all the harm you've done to yourself. 

"Oh Y/n..." He said. "Why?"

"Because what if I'm not good enough?" You said. "What if you don't actually love me? What if I'm imagining this? What if-"

"Y/n, shh," Bucky said. "Please don't beat yourself up because of this. You are more then perfect. Everything you do this perfect. You are always enough for me. You think you're not enough for me? Sometimes I worry I'm not good enough for you. You are my Y/n. Always and forever."

He scooted you over, laying down in the bed next to you.

You moved his hair out of your face, kissing his forehead.

"I'm so sorry," You said. "I shouldn't have done anything. I was just terrified."

Bucky kissed your neck, and you kissed his lips. 

"Please don't leave me," You said. 

"Never," Bucky said. "You are my everything."