The Billionaire Throuple

Andreas Santiago

Here I am, sitting on a white leather studded stool, holding a billionaire's hand in his swanky kitchen, bawling my eyes out over his life story. That sentence alone, defies all logic in this screwed up world, but it's fact. I'm a sloppy, snotty, sobbing mess because Samuel the Third poured his whole heart out to me, leaving nothing out.

I lean over and hold him close in my arms. Just because he's not crying, doesn't mean he's not sad. I know that now. His emotional energy was what made me so suspicious of him before.

I'm a skeptic over a romantic, so I wasn't going to just bend over and take it like he was reading scripture. Bad example, but you get the picture. At first, I was only listening for plot holes, so I could call him out. I wanted an excuse not to like him. I don't trust myself around him, but hearing him out backed me into a corner. I'm a survivor too.

I couldn't live with shutting him out when he clearly doesn't have family to turn to, not without cause. I laid down the ground rules. I told him if he acts up, I'm skirting with his stuff and I mean that. If he's a creep, it'll be 'shop til you drop', but if not, who knows?

We could be friends for life, not like live next door and wave from our front porches on our matching rocking chairs, but like Beyoncé and Kelly Rowland. Or if he's really lucky, Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Don't ask me who's who, you know for damn sure I'm not ugly ass Jay-Z.

Samuel the Third is holding onto me really tight, not uncomfortably tight, but tight like he won't feel safe without me. I lean into him a bit and hug him back, but I hear him wince so I ease off and let him do the hugging.

I prefer that anyway.

His phone buzzes, reminding me of mine. My heart sinks as we separate. Hearing about his problems made me forget all about being sextorted, which was a nice break, but back to reality. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Come midnight, my career as an influencer will be tarnished.

Cam sent me the picture where I'm naked on the bed, but he claims to have one with his stuff all over my face. I could recover from the first one like all the celebs who survived that huge nude leak and came out as heroic victims, but I don't know about the other one. I'm terrified that some troll is gonna re-post slime memes whenever I show my pretty face online.

I won't be able to handle it.

Samuel the Third tugs on my arm like he's about to ask me if he can put a candy bar in the shopping cart. It's cute, so I lean in.

He says, "Can't you tell me anything about what you're going through? I'd really like to help, especially considering how much lighter I feel having confided in you."

I let out a long sigh that probably cost me two inches. "It's not that I don't want to." I pinch the bridge of my nose, shaking my head. "There's something I don't want getting out, right? But in order for you to help I have to tell you what it is, so then it's out anyway. Does that make sense?"

His face scrunches up like he's confused. I rub my eyes with the palms of my hands and try to think of a better way of saying it. I take my hands off my face and find a smile on his. It's a little crooked. His smile, not his photo shopped teeth. I like it way better than his diplomatic one. That one makes me think he's hiding something.

"It's a picture!" he says, "Or a video! What else could it be?"

I'm a little annoyed that he's shouting out guesses like my life's a game of charades, but he's right, so I nod. He stands up beside me like he has the answer to all my problems. I hope he does. I wonder how much an EMP grenade goes for on the black market. I bet he could swing that.

"I got it. Mutually assured destruction," he says, "You'll take one of me, then you won't have to trust me to know I'll not say anything."

He's so impressed with his idea that he's bouncing around in front of me, holding his phone out. It's touching that he's so excited to help me that he doesn't realize it doesn't make sense to take pictures on his phone, not unless he's giving me it to keep. I smile and hold my phone up in between my thumb and forefinger.