Jake Peralta Oneshots!!

In suicide prevention month.💙 💛

So, I myself have and still are struggling with my mental health. In consideration of suicide prevention month I decided to write about my struggles with depression and C-PTSD. Trigger warning: Mentions of suicide, self harm, eating disorders. This is me projecting my problems on Jake Peralta. Enjoy 

Jake's POV:

"fattie pig"

"what you want to be fat?" 

"fucking disgusting you are."

My thoughts screamed at me, I continued sprinting as fast as I could, watching the calorie section go up. '112', '113', '114'. The higher It went the more content I felt with myself. "Jake, you've been on that treadmill for forever! Take a break and get some water!" I heard Amy say. 

Amy POV: 

He had been running for 55 minutes straight, no water, no breaks. I yelled at him. But then I noticed he was muttering something under his breath, zoning out. 'c'mon..', 'fatass', 'you're disgusting..'. Why was he saying these things? Were they about himself? I turned it off, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Hey! what gives?" He yelled not very loudly. "Jake you've been on that treadmill forever, take a break." I said back, putting my hands on my hips. "Fine whatever.." He muttered, getting off of the treadmill. I'm worried about him, I haven't seen him eat anything lately.. 

-LATER-

'Hey captain? Do you have a sec?" I asked Holt. "Yes, is there something the matter?" he responded, "Uh, do you mind if I shut the blinds?". "Yes go ahead, what's wrong?" He said with a slight head tilt. "Actually.. this isn't about me, I'm worried for Peralta. I heard him saying some stuff I think was about himself but I'm not sure. I haven't seen him eat lately and..," I trailed off. "You have a point Santiago.. I have noticed lately that he hasn't been quite himself. I didn't know how to bring it up though. I'll talk to him. Thank you, dismissed." He said, gesturing towards the door. "Thank you sir" I replied, leaving. 

Jake's POV

"Please stop.. please." I begged. "Or what? Just go fucking kill yourself fatass. Let me guess, you haven't lost anymore then 10 pounds in the last 3 days. Fucking worthless. That's all you are, you will die alone." Pembroke taunted. "Please just go." I said, staring at the ground. "I am, your taking up all the space in this place anyways. Starve yourself fattie pig." He said, walking out the door. I started to leave, tears started pouring by the time I got to the bathroom. I was in a stall, having parents that fought all the time made me able to cry silently and talk like I wasn't. I heard someone come in. "Peralta I saw you come in here. We need to talk.". no, not holt please. fuck I can't do this. I opened the stall, getting dizzy when I stood up. "I'm sorry." was the first thing I said. "For what Jacob?" He asked. "I'm sorry for being stupid, I really am. I can't do this anymore." I said. He didn't say anything, he just hugged me. I wanted to pull back, but I didn't.. I didn't cry, i was numb. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" He asked after what seemed like 8 enternity's. "He- he told me, what I truly was. Vulture. He uh, he's been doing this for awhile. Just insulting me and.. you get it." I just poured out. " I haven't ate anything really,  I can't. It's just doesn't sit right with me.". "Captain?," I paused. "Am I.. fat?". "What? No! What would make you think that? Jacob you are fine as you are. You are not fat, I swear." He said in shock. I thought he was lying. "He told me, my thoughts are so loud and they wont shut up. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be alive. Captain, I need help." I just dumped on him. "Oh my god I'm really sorry for saying that to you. That was ignorant, i-im really sorry.". I immediately said after. *great going Peralta, hes gonna be angry. Why cant I do anything right?* "I understand, you dont have to be sorry. I think I'd be best to put you into therapy. For now, you can go home. Can I trust you not to do anything?" He asked. "Yes sir, you can trust me." I said with a slight smile. "Okay..please," he began, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Please, dont do anything. You're like a son to me. I can't afford to lose anybody." He said with a sincere smile. I went home feeling drained but..better to say the least. I think I might be okay..

AN: Hello! Hope you enjoyed this story, if you didnt already know, September is suicide prevention month. And I thought it would be good to write something like that for awareness purposes only. It WILL get better. I swear my doves ♡