One day... (A British Royal Family FanFiction)

Tears

The days after Mummy died were long and the nights were even longer. I felt numb at times, like I could fall from a tree or off a horse and feel no pain at all. And then sometimes, I felt like every small word hurt like a stab in the chest or a broken leg. I couldn't understand when each one would happen and I found the entire thing so confusing. I missed Mummy and so did the boys. 

We were back at home on Friday morning to do a walkabout outside Kensington Palace this afternoon. That morning, Pa had gone over to Buckingham Palace for a final meeting about the funeral. William was downstairs making bacon sandwiches for the three of us in an attempt to cheer Harry up as they were his favourite. Wills was a bit more open to chat about things, about everything going on, where as Harry had clammed up and would barely say Mummy's name. I don't know whether it was an age thing, whether Wills was just a bit more mature and it meant he was a bit more comfortable talking about it, or perhaps it was just their personalities. William had always been a bigger talker than Harry and sometimes even more than me. 

"Bacon sandwiches are ready!" Wills called up the stairs. I left my room and walked downstairs past Harry's and then Will's. I assumed Harry must have already been downstairs as he wasn't in his room when I walked past. He wasn't in the kitchen as I walked in and William was serving our sandwiches onto three plates.

"Where's Harry?" I asked him. He shrugged. "I'll go and find him." I said before walking through to the drawing room to see if he was sat in there. He wasn't, neither was he in the playroom or Mummy's office. I went back upstairs to check his bedroom again and as I reached the top of the stairs, I heard a sobbing and sniffing sound coming from Mummy's bedroom. The door was ajar and as I approached it, I pushed it open, to find Harry laying on Mummy's bed, snuggled up to her dressing gown. He wiped his face as he looked at me.

"It's ok to cry you know, it's alright to let it out. Mummy wouldn't mind, in fact, you know what she was like, she cried all the time, sometimes with happiness and also sometimes in sadness." I said to him as I sat down on the bed beside him and placed my hand on his back. "Mummy often had a cry and she always said to me that it was just like the dam of a river, that it couldn't be held back forever and sometimes we do just need to let it out."

"But what if Pa finds out? And what if he's angry with me? I'm not supposed to cry like this in front of people Tildy. That's why I haven't cried yet, that's why this is the first time I'ver cried since Mummy died because Papa will be angry and I don't want that to happen." he shouted. It was the first small outburst I'd seen from him in a long time. I could see how much he was holding in. He sat up and I pulled him into hug me. He cried every more then. I felt the tears seep through my top and onto my shoulder. I held him close and hugged him tight and told him all would be ok.

"It's alright, it's ok, it's all going to be ok." I kept repeating to him as I rubbed his back. William appeared in the doorway after a minute or two, I imagine he heard Harry shout from downstairs. "Harry, listen to me, look, I need you to listen ok," he pulled away from me and I held onto both of his hands. "Wills and I, we are your big brother and sister and we love you so much, we want you to be ok, but we can't help you and look after you, if you don't tell us how you're feeling, or even what you're feeling if you don't know how." I paused and he nodded before I continued again "Pa loves you as well and he wants you to be ok, and you're right, he doesn't want us to cry in public, but that's why you let it out now, so that this afternoon or tomorrow when we see all of those people, you do hold it together, and I know you can do it for Mummy too."

"I don't want to walk tomorrow, I can't do it Tilda." he said. I looked at William and then looked back to Harry.

"You can do it and you will do it, because sometimes we have to do things we don't want to and this is one of those things. We will do it, because she was our mother, nobody else's, not Papa's, not Uncle Charles' not any of the people crying on the streets, she was our Mummy and we will all do it for her."