One day... (A British Royal Family FanFiction)

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My hands were shaking as I held the test in my hands. All I could think of was the last time I'd done this same thing. And the time before and before and every time I'd done it from that very first time over six and a half years ago, when every time apart from that very first, the test had come back to say negative, or not pregnant. And I thought about how I had tried to hold in my tears and then, after a couple of seconds of resisting, I'd let them out and sobbed a little, before throwing the test in the bin and pulling myself together until the next time. And this was the next time. In the bathroom of a room in Admiralty House, halfway across the world from home. Every time id done this before I'd been on my own, wanting to save Henry from the inevitable heartbreak that I would instead face alone. But today, I wanted him there, with me, by my side, because he felt so far away.

Henry and I had been trying to have a baby for about a year now and so far had been unsuccessful. We had thought about it lots before that, ever since I'd had the miscarriage, six years ago, but every time something had happened, or something had come up that made us think that we were already spreading ourselves too thin, whether that was the boys starting a new school or Henry's father being unwell or changing jobs or Henry travelling for work. But at the beginning of the year, we'd had a moment when we just thought, this will be the year, whatever happens it's now or never. Except it didn't happen like that and it had been 10 months now of trying and still, nothing. Until now.

"Oh my god." I said quietly out loud, holding the test still in one hand and holding the other hand over my mouth. I wanted to reach for my phone and call Henry to tell him, but he'd be at training by now and he wouldn't answer. And this wasn't the way to tell him, I couldn't tell him I was pregnant over the phone from the other side of the world.

It explained why I felt so horrendous and why I'd been sick on the flight on the way over and why I was so exhausted. That combined with the jet lag meant that all I wanted to do was fall asleep. So I placed the pregnancy test in my wash bag and switched off the light in the bathroom. I climbed into bed and in the absence of Henry, cuddled into the pillow on the opposite side of the bed, placing my hand on my stomach as I fell into a deep sleep.

"How did you feel, when you found out you were having a baby Mummy?" I asked as I lay beside my mother in her bedroom.

"With you, I felt scared, because I'd never done it before but having you there, in my stomach made me feel not alone, even though everyone around me was so focused on you and the person you would grow up to become, I just wanted to hold you, my baby in my arms." she explained, gently stroking the hair on the side of my face.

"And how did it feel the first time you held me?" I asked.

"Like this is why life was worth living, like every thing I had done up until that point wasn't worthy of anything because from the moment I held you, you were the most important thing in my life and you and the boys have been the same ever since." she told me. There was a pause in the room as I thought about how best to word my next question.

"When I was born, did everyone really care or did they just care that I was the heir after Papa?" I proposed.

"Tilda of course we cared, we always have done. Your father did as well and although we haven't always seen eye to eye on how to raise the three of you, we have always cared that you are healthy and that was true of the very first day I found out I was expecting you." she explained. "Both your father and I will always care and always love the three of you, no matter what happens, in the same way that one day, you will have your own children and you will always love and care for them."

I startled awake. Panicked and sweaty. The room was still dark but I could make out shapes of the furniture around me. I looked over to the armchair in the corner and imagined my mother sat there, talking to me. I sat up in bed, checking the clock beside me as I did. It was 5:25am. Too early to get up and get ready, but not quite long enough to go back to sleep until my alarm would go off at 6am.