Blind Faith

Chapter 4 • Little By Little

While I'm grateful for our family and their eagerness to help, I'm to the point of exhaustion, and this is just the first night of our new life with one of two babies. I barely got any sleep last night in anticipation of bringing Eli home from the NICU today and then all the commotion in the house this evening has nearly pushed me over the edge.

After my mum left, we thought it would be a good idea to introduce Maggie to Eli. We were worried for absolutely nothing. Maggie was curious enough and sniffed around Eli's feet and his nappy as if she was inspecting this new thing who's getting most of the attention now. It was instant love. She stayed at Harry's feet just watching him and the baby and I realized right then that Maggie would be my babies' protector and best friend whilst they grow up.

Thankfully Anne and Gemma offered to clean up dinner so I could have a few minutes to myself and take a hot shower. Harry agreed to hold Eli during that time, and while I wanted to hurry so he wouldn't be alone with the baby any longer than need be, I think I took the longest shower I've ever taken and with the help of my stress relieving body wash, I feel relaxed and calm and more than ready to go to sleep.

Pulling up my joggers around my waist, I look at my reflection in the mirror and sigh at my profile of my deflated belly. I smooth my hand over my still very prominent round babies bump and frown at the fact that they're not in there anymore. I'm not saying it will happen anytime soon, but I would love to have a second go around at being pregnant. While it was difficult, I must say I enjoyed the attention.

My eyes travel up to my breasts in the mirror's reflection and I huff out a frustrated breath. Even though they're the biggest they've ever been thanks to my milk coming in, I don't find them attractive anymore and I sure as hell don't find the rest of my body sexy and I don't think I will for a long time.

As I put on my nursing bra, I remind myself that my body is in this state because I went through so much to have my two beautiful baby boys and somehow that eases the sting. I put on my jumper and carefully pull the elastic band from my hair that I put up in a bun for my shower.

Huffing out a minty breath, I turn out the light and open the loo door. It's quiet except for ceiling fan on low to drown out any noises while we sleep and the room is dimly lit from my the amber glow of my nightstand lamp. Harry's sitting up in the bed, leaning against the headboard and cradling Eli in his arms and it's no surprise that Maggie perched facing them in her little dog bed.

As I walk over, he inhales a deep breath, "Is that you?"

"Yeah," I whisper so I don't wake Eli. "Here, lemme put him in his bassinet."

He nods and I carefully pick Eli up and cradle him in my arms. I've already changed his nappy, nursed him and dressed him in his sleep sack so he's out like a light and ready for a good night's sleep, for a few hours at least. I walk around the foot of the bed to my side where the bassinet is and I kiss his little cheek before gently placing him down.

Smiling at my precious sleeping boy, I cover him with his blanket and soothe his belly, "Night-night, Eli. Mummy and Daddy love you." I step closer to the bed and sit on the edge, inhaling a deep breath that turns into a yawn. I reach over and turn out the lamp and slide my legs under the covers. I lean over and kiss his cheek, "Goodnight."

He doesn't acknowledge me so I scoot down to where I'm lying on my back and my fluffy pillow cradles my head and the bed conforms perfectly to my body. I close my eyes and inhale a breath that turns into a yawn.

"Are you done pretending what actually happened didn't happen so we can talk about it now?" Harry quietly asks and my eyes open to the dark ceiling.

I look up at Harry who hasn't moved from his seated position, "Pretending? What are you talking about?"