Blind Faith

Chapter 7 • Time To Party

The past twenty-four hours have been the most exhausting, most challenging, most excruciating, most wonderful, wonderful moments of my life. JJ and I spent five and a half months of caring for our boys whilst they were in the womb, the last month and half whilst they were in the hospital, and now, last night caring for one of our boys in the place we call our home for now.

I've never felt so much pressure or responsibility for something in my entire life, but I've also never felt this intense love for any human being. Of course I love my family and my wife with my heart and soul, but this kind of love is something I didn't know I was capable of feeling. I'm a father to two baby boys.

And right now as I sit in the NICU rocking chair holding my second born son skin to skin on my chest with all sorts of breathing and feeding tubes connecting him to several beeping machines surrounding us, I only hope he can feel my heart beating for him and somehow it will help him keep fighting.

Tucking my chin to my chest, I inhale a breath on his head that's covered with a knit cap and I gently press a kiss. He's covered with his baby blanket to keep him warm and with my hands holding his head and bum, I can feel how small he really is.

"I love you, Everette Lawrence Styles. You are a strong boy. Your mummy and daddy and the nice nurses are doing everything we can to help you so you can get stronger and healthier so we can take you home to be with your older brother, erm, Elliot Leonard, in case you forgot, y'know, since yesterday." I smirk at my joke, giving him another kiss. "Your mummy and I can't wait to bring you home. And when you're older, Mummy and I will take you and Eli to the park, and we can push you two in the swings and have a lovely picnic and play in the sandbox. I'm sure you boys will love it. Hm, my boy. You're my son. Still can't believe it."

JJ whispers my name, putting her hand on my knee, "How are we doing over here, Daddy?"

"Wonderful, Mummy."

"Aw, I'm glad."

"Do you want another turn holding him before we go?"

"Uhm, I would, but I don't want to cheat you out of your time. We only have five minutes left of the visiting hours." Nodding in understanding, I gently push with my feet to rock Ev some more and my emotions get the best of me. "Oh, Harry, what's wrong?"

I shake my head, feeling my chin quiver, "I just love him s-so much, a-and I want him to be okay. I want both of our boys to be okay."

Her hand cups my cheek, startling me, "Sorry. Hey, listen to me, love. It's going to be fine. They're going to be fine. No matter what. We're all going to be happy."

I nod at her somewhat empty promise that she has nothing to base on and I can sense her presence close to me. She whispers that she loves me and I whisper those three small words back and she kisses me.

"Pardon my interruption," someone quietly says, ultimately ending our kiss.

"Oh, yes, Claire," JJ clears her throat. "We were just wrapping our visit up."

"That's why I came over. I wanted to give you an update before you leave. Everette's oxygen levels are improving, slowly, mind you, but we're encouraged by his progress. We're going forwards, not backwards."

"Oh thank God," JJ says. "I just knew my boy would be a fighter. S-so when do you think he'll be able to come home?"

"We need to get him to gain some more weight and get his lungs strong enough where he can breathe without being on oxygen twenty-four seven. It could take a little while, but he's in the best care."

"Oh, we know. We're very grateful for you all. You've helped our little Eli get strong enough to come home yesterday."

"How did he do his first night?"