Miracle Marriage

Chapter 3

The Marriage

"Amma, please maa... I don't want to marry now," I implored Amma as she began preparing me in the bride's garment. I was crying.

"Sathya, you love your Appa, right? You love our family, right? Then save us from this dreadful shame now. You are our only hope now," her warm tears land on my shoulder. I couldn't debate with her. I was quiet. I felt fragile and feeble.

Everyone became silent and peered at me when the elder proposed that I take Akka's place as the bride. Groom's mother said nothing, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. My Appa's teary red eyes pleaded with me to save him. I don't recall what occurred thereafter; all I heard was others agreeing on the option. My Amma then dragged me inside the room.

"Sathya, I always wanted to see you as a doctor. I lived 24 years with your father, and I have never seen him as devastated as today. He always allows you to do whatever you want. He gave you the freedom that no other girls in our village have. Please, don't let him down like your sister. Please help us-maa, please..." She began sobbing with her hands clasped together as if she were in front of a deity. Why can't I refuse?

Durga and my aunties stood in the corner of the room, watching, helpless. I had no choice but to dress up like the bride. My heart continued to sob, and throb, but for the first time in my life, I felt hatred toward Akka. I am terrified. My hands are trembling. I begged God to spare me from this fate. I prayed the groom to object and end the marriage. When Appa entered the room, I opened my eyes. I glanced at him, pleadingly. Without saying anything, he quietly approached me and hugged me. I can feel his emotions, he is vulnerable and clueless.

"Appa"... My words quivered as I called him.

"Please forgive me-ma. Appa doesn't have any other option now. Appa will definitely talk with the mappilai and beg him to allow you to study, I will give him my everything, but please help me here-ma," His words were fractured more than mine. For a man in our village, his honour and pride are precious as his children and land. It was the second time I'd heard him say anything like that. The first was in the cold darkened hospital hallway, begging a doctor to save my brother's life. I let my heart float away. I noticed that the doors that had been wide open in front of me has closed, leaving only one open. I have no choice but to take that path, my only door.

"Appa, who am I to you? Please, tell me," I asked him while tears flow down, trying hard to smile.

My Appa's face changed, he wiped his tears quickly and then grasped my face in his both palms. "You are my Singakutti, my fierce goddess," he whispered as he kissed my brow. I attempted to grin, but my emotions were too strong. I resolved to accept my fate, but I'm not sure I can let go of my desire to be a doctor. What if I have to let go of everything not just my dream, but everything that makes me, me?

As I went out of the room in my Akka's bridal podavai and jewellery, I reflected that perhaps the elders were true, that girls are not supposed to dream big, and that perhaps I was asking too much of the Gods. I observed people beaming who had previously insulted my family. I felt confined and cornered. Durga seized my hand and jolted me out of my reverie. She was staring at me with water-glittering eyes. I couldn't say anything to her, so I just smiled at her.

When we got close to the temple, I noticed a crowd. Some were surprised to see me in the bride's attire, while others pitied me and whispered about Akka's elopement. I closed my eyes and tried not to think of anything else. I was seated beside the groom. I didn't dare to gaze at his face. I was certain he didn't like me since the one he intended to marry was my sister, and he must have had numerous fantasies about being with her. Everything happened far quicker than I anticipated. The wedding ceremony began. I stayed still the entire time, not raising my head to observe what was in front of me, how they were eyeing me, and what their eyes looked like. I was scared. But I was curious to peek at the groom. I wanted to apologise to him. I wanted to see his expression. I saw his demeanour was unconcerned when he lifted his hand carrying the thali (Mangalyasoothram). I was terrified when he approached me and wrapped the thali around my neck; I couldn't read his expression and had no idea what he was thinking. He marked me as his with the brilliant red sindoor in the centre of my forehead, as owners do with their assets and possessions. That's it; I'm now his wife.

"The marriage is complete now," I heard the priest's voice and everyone cheering.

What happened? What went wrong? Why me? As we stood in front of the temple deity, I asked myself questions. I looked back at the doctor, who is now my husband, and he was still calm. I'm curious why he agreed to marry me; was it forced upon him by his mother? When we got back home, everyone started departing after the feast we had prepared. I couldn't eat or drink anything. I felt like I was plunging into a deep pond with just one rope for escape; I had no choice but to take that one, it was my only option. Amma told me to pack my belongings. That's correct, today I must leave my home, my village, and my world. Why only me, this is terrible. I sobbed as I packed my belongings. Durga stepped in to assist me. I noticed my books on the table. I purchased them from my teacher to prepare for the entrance examinations. Do I still need them? Do I have to bring them with me? Why? I concealed them in my alamari (wardrobe/Almira).

"Sathya, what are you doing? why are you not taking those books with you?" asked Durga

"Why should I take them, I won't be able to study again," I replied.

"Muttal! (stupid) What happened to you? This is not the Sathya I know, that Sathya is strong and brave in any situation. Di, I have always respected your courage and strong determination, that's why I became friends with you. You were always fearless and defeated your problems with a grin. Don't give up, not now, take them with you. I am sure some miracle will happen. I am sure I will see you in the doctor's coat. I believe in you," she embraced me, stroking my head, gently.

To be honest, I felt ashamed of myself. I wept aloud as I held her. I'm not sure whether I can fulfil my goals now, but I should give it a try for the sake of those who believed in me. I grabbed my books and began packing my suitcase. That evening, I said farewells to my family, home, village, friends, and freedom. I sat alongside Dr Balakrishna Chandrasekhar, a 32-year-old general doctor from Medical College Thiruvananthapuram*, my husband.

*Thiruvananthapuram - a district in Kerala, India (capital). Also called Trivandrum