Chapter 8

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Apology

"These are very difficult," even though I could understand English, I needed a dictionary for specific words. The papers are yellow and jumbled, and his books smell like coffee. I can only imagine how hard he must have studied to become a doctor. Now that I think about it, I don't know much about him. I'm his wife, and all I know about him is his name, job, mother, and coffee. I'm intrigued by why he decided to become a doctor. I want to know everything about him. I can see why he was angry at me yesterday; I ought to have informed him about my dreams. I seldom speak to him and simply respond to his queries. I acted childish.

"When is he coming back, it's already getting so late. I want to apologise to him," I murmured to myself as I dropped my head on the massive book. The stillness around me was abruptly broken by the ringing of the phone. I was taken aback and rushed to attend.

"Hello,"

"It's me, Sathya. I'm not coming tonight. I have an emergency here in the hospital. If you are scared, go to Aisha's house; I will contact them," I heard his voice.

"What? it's ok, I will stay here." I replied

"Ok then, don't study too much, eat food and go to sleep," I heard someone's voice while he speak to me. "Bala... vaada," (come) "ok Sathya, I am ending the call," without even listening to my answer he ended the call.

I felt sore. The silence permeated the entire house. I was frightened by the sound of wind and crickets. My body started to feel nervous and my heart started to race. I walked to the television and picked a random show to divert myself before eating dinner. After a few hours, I once more felt that eerie, lonely air surrounding me. I couldn't stand being alone in that house any longer. Closing all the doors and shutting out all the lights, I wrapped myself in my blanket and walked to Aisha Chechi's house.

"Chechi, he is not coming tonight, so can I stay here for this night?" I inquired hesitantly.

"Bala chettan actually contacted me earlier, saying you might come, so come inside," she happily invited me into her home. As I sat in the comfy chair, I noticed Noora and Ajmal asleep in the room.

"They slept early?" I asked

"Yes, they are like that," Aisha chechi answered while folding bedsheets.

"Ha! So, this is Sathya, and we're meeting this close for the first time, right?" a male voice entered the hall; it was Aisha's husband, Professor Rahim Shah. I smiled as I rose from my seat.

"Sit, sit," he said waving his hand up and down, then took a seat opposite to me."Did you have food?" he asked.

"Yes,"

"You know, a doctor's life, it's very busy. I heard a bus accident happened on the main road this evening, probably that's why Bala is extra busy today. So don't worry in situations like this, you can come here anytime," he said gently, like a very mature man, he does look one though.

"Rabbeh! (Oh god!) an accident? where?" asked Aisha chechi very astounded. They began to talk about it.

I noticed them speaking freely and pleasantly. The conversation gradually drifted to exciting subjects like their marriage, my village, and historical occurrences. I enjoyed our chat together. My anxiety has already subsided. The longer I was with them, the more I envied their relationship, love, and commitment. I desired to be like them. I wished we could be like them. However, his words then suddenly burst into my ears. "If you get in, I will help you to pursue your dream and become a doctor and If you don't I won't help you... You can ask your father also if you wish, you can return to your home".

Will we ever be easy husband and wife, a proper family, like them? Is it truly possible for me to achieve that? I pondered while I took a nap in the empty room that Aisha chechi had prepared for me. My eyes started to tear up as I kept thinking about it, so I closed them and tried to fall asleep.

I had a weird and terrible dream that night. I saw myself failing the entrance exam, as well as his dejected voice. "Remember my words, Sathya; I will take you back to your home and we will never see each other again." As soon as I overheard him say this, He slowly disappeared from view. I called him several times, but he never answered. He left without turning around, dissipating into nothingness like white smoke as I began to sink. Right there, in the cold, ebony water, I drowned.

"Ahha!" I awakened with tears in my eyes, as Ajmal stood at the doorway, staring at me. He is a timid boy. He chuckled as he sprinted away from me. I left the room. Aisha chechi was in the kitchen.

"Sathya, drink this tea," she remarked as I entered the kitchen. After I finished my tea, I assisted her in cleaning the dishes before heading back to my home. He arrived as I sat comfortably after doing all of the household tasks. He looks drowsy and worn out.

"Sathya, I will take a bath, can you get me something to eat?" he asked while changing the dress, in a fatigued manner.

"Yes," I dashed to the kitchen. I got some assistance from Aisha chechi while I was preparing rice and curries. I served them on a platter while he took a bath. I sat at the table, waiting for him. He appeared rushed and took a seat, then began to eat. I needed to talk to him. However, I wouldn't bother him because he seemed famished.

"Don't you have anything to study?" he asked.

"Hmm, yes, but I want to talk with you," I said confidently

"What happened? Do you have any doubts?"

"No, not that, I--I am sorry. Yesterday I said something harsh. I am sorry, I didn't mean those," I apologise as he glimpsed at me and continued eating silently.

"I am really sorry," I said again.

"Let's talk after I eat, Sathya," he replied

Being anxious, I waited once more. I was eager for his response when he entered the room. I stood up and gave him a hopeful look. He prepared to go to sleep. My eyes started to tear up once again. I can't take this apathy from him.

"I said I am sorry, but why are you not talking to me? I am sorry, please don't avoid me. I can't take it. I should have told you first. I was ---" As my melancholy took over, my voice broke and slowed. Only the sound of weeping came out of my mouth. "I am a kid as you said. I don't know how to behave maturely. I will learn, so please don't hate me. I will be a good wife to you. I will learn everything and I will pass the exam, please talk to me. I don't have anyone other than you here." I lamented and suddenly, I felt a warm and strong hand drape over my body. It was gently wrapping around me. It embraced me tightly, allowing me to hear his hammering heart. What is this? I pondered, I don't feel pain inside my chest anymore.

"Why are you apologising, Sathya? It's evident that I was the one who was angry with you yesterday. I am the one who should apologise, I am sorry. Sathya when you're not at fault, do not apologise to anyone," he added, hugging me and stroking my hair.

My tears disappeared, and my heartbeat quickened. The warmth I felt within his grasp caused my entire body to tickle from head to toe. He caressed my cheek and smiled at me. My blood began racing to my cheeks, and it was scorching.

"Focus on your studies now, and forget what I said in the morning, let's take that as our first fight as a couple," he remarked, chuckling.

Fight? as a couple? The blood surge to my cheek boiled and reddened. In embarrassment, I nodded my head.

"I'll take a nap, then go study. Once I wake up, I'll ask questions and my punishments are harsh," he walked over to the bed, leaving me glowing, pleased, and joyful. My heart felt as light as air. Perhaps I was overthinking. I'm such a moron.

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