Dont judge me I am dealing with alot right now so my updates are just going to come and go for a while longer, but I am sorry. Still I ask that you Read, comment, vote! Becaus without you readers Id have no reson to write.
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Christmas was in just a few days and I wasnt sure what I was going to do I knew I didnt want to go with my aunt and unce to visit family but I didnt want to spend it alone either I figured I'd just sleep on what to do. I figured that there had to be someone I was close to that was willing to let me crash their Christmas celebration.
Christmas Eve morning I still hadnt figured anything out, I was at work so I had the chance to ak one of my co-workers if I could spend christmas with them. I was talking to a few people about how they were spending Christmas and just as I was saying that I would be home alone this Christmas, my aunt who was my manager comes around the corner saying that I wouldnt be home alone.
I asked if that meant they werent going and she told me no. As confusion swept my face she jumped to say, "You will be going with us when we leave tonight, I'm not allowing you to stay home alone. Especially on Christmas." As I was about to refute her claim she said, "I wasnt asking, and its not optional." Iwas dumb founded as she walked away, I had nothing to say, she was going to make me go with her, how in the hell was that.
That night when we got home she and I were arguing the whole way, how dare she just tell me I am going somewhere. We walked in the door still at it when my uncle asked what the problem was. After explaining he said "yeah she is right I'm not gonna let you stay here while wee are away........" He kept going but in translating his words I got if you want to stay you better be gone when we get back.
I sucked it up and left with them I couldnt get thrown out I wouldnt be able to get a place when I tried the apartment manager kept saying that the credit check kept coming up as non-existant so I was screwed. I had to continue doing what my aunt and uncle wanted in order to stay in their house, and I couldnt take it I felt like I was losing my mind and hopefully I would be wrong.
Christmas morning was bittersweet, it wasnt about being around family it was just I felt so out of place, usually at family gatherings I ran around in circles to keep up with talking to everyone. But this time I was like a fish out of water I was so contorted that I smoked a whole pack of cigarettes that day. As night was falling my mood changed I knew that tomorrow I would be home and closer to him so I would be fine.
Just before I got comfortable on the couch my phone vibrated and it was him. After wishing eachother a merry christmas and sending eachother pics of our gifts he turned my happiest moment into one of my saddests. He told me his dad never showed and his sister left to move and he would shortly be following her. After asking when he told me that it would be the day after tomorrow, and I got a little excited, I was going to get my good-bye. I would get to see him one last time and that made me the happy because I couldnt imagine not seeing him or saying good-bye.
The next morning when I got up I got my bag and set it by the door before heading to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee before we got on the road. I heard other people talking in the house so I figured everyone was up to do some of us were about to leave when I got to the living room I saw that everyone was still in pajamas. Looking to my aunt and uncle I asked what time they planned on leaving. They then told me that they had decided to stay for 2 more days, and my entire world fell apart. I felt like I couldnt breathe, I felt light headed, and as if I was just going to faint.
I came back to reality as my name was being called but I sttill couldnt focus on who it wa looking up I saw it was my aunt and she had asked me a question. "Huh?" I answered her. "I said is that ok with you?" She re-asked. "No that is absolutely not okay," I retorted raising my voice. "Well then I guess that is to bad then isn't it, because we are staying." She said in a thats final sort of way. Thats when I lost it, I stormed out of the house and started walking towards the bus station.
I wasnt even sure if I would be able to get a ticket back but I had to try I was not going to just stay here and let Sean leave when I could do my best to make it back before he was gone. I got to the bus station and looked at the schedule that they had posted on the wall, it said that there were 4 buses leaving today that would bring me right to the town he was staying in and I felt amazing thinking I could get to him. I went up to the clerk and asked about the 4 buses heading to my destination, he said that the first would be at its final stop at 5pm the second at 8pm the third at 10pm and the final at 12am. I asked for a one-way on the first bus when he told me that all 4 buses were sold out, I got mad, he could have said that from the beginning.
I then ask if there were anymore going to the same destination adn he told me that the first one available would be at 6am tomorrow and would arrive at 1pm. My heart fell out of my chest I wouldnt make it in time I wouldnt get my good-bye I wouldnt get to see him again. I walked away from the counter and started walking to a nearby bench as I began to cry, as that first tear fell from my eye I flopped on the bench and started sobbing. I couldnt take this pain. At some point during this tear-fest I fell asleep on that bench.
I dont remember putting my legs up but when I woke up the sun was setting and I realized that the walk back to my grandmothers was pretty far so I got up and started my hike. As I started crying again I reached for my phone and realized I didnt have it, so I started jogging to get to it to let Sean know I would make it back to say good-bye.
I dont remember getting back to the house, I dont remember telling him I wouldnt get to see him I dont even remeber going home, but I do remember that all I saw in my head was his face and feeling as if I had lost everything.
