So my bestfriend and I were talking tonight and he said something to me about someone else and it sort of hurt my feelings, but I think it all the more reason for him to read this chapter so this is dedicated to X because I thought of these events when we talked. But still readers beware. Read, comment, vote!
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Over the next few months Felix and I seemed to be getting closer he hung around all the time and did little things that let me know he cared about me, getting my lunch for me at school, visiting me on days that I didnt want to hang out, and texting me just to see how my day was going. Feeling like a million bucks I began to develop real feelings for him. At first I noticed myself being drawn to him, if we were in the same room I was be his side. I didnt know what I was feeling all I knew was that I no longer wanted to be with Felix and the guys, I just wanted to be with Felix and no one else.
Before I spoke with him I talked with Garth, Tyler, and Frank, "Guys I think I want to stop." "Wait stop what?" Frank said. "I want to stop sharing myself with all of you, not that things arent great but I like someone and I want to be solely with him." I answered. "So what you like someone and dont want us anymore, your just going to throw us all away to be with someone else, are you trying to make us feel like crap?" Garth asked. "No it's not like that please understand I really like this guy and I think he likes me." I said just before Tyler broke from his daze and looked toward me before he spoke. "It's perfectly fine guys, dont worry about it we would have used him up in a couple of days anyway, you know he was getting old anyway." That stung a bit because I thought these guys were my friends but I didnt care.
After leaving the guys I picked up my phone and called Felix, "Hey I just got into a bit of an arguement with the guys and I really need to talk to you." I said. "Sure I'll swing by your house in fifteen minutes okay?" he answered. I got home and waited on the steps outside cause I was so anxious to talk with him. When he got there he immediately asked, "So what happened?" "Well before I get into all that I wanted to say that lately I feel like we have been getting closer, I feel like you and I might be better than you, I, and the guys. I was thinking about it for a while and I wanted to ask you how about it just be us, so I talked with the guys about me no longer being available to everyone and just available to someone else and they blew up about it. I'm not sure why they acted that way but I cnt help the feeling of wanting to be with you, I guess I'm asking if you'll be my boyfriend." I said staring in his eyes.
"Are you serious?" he asked giving me some slight relief as I began thinking if he is angry its at the guys if he is excited then he wants to be with me. As these ideas are scrambling about in my head it came to a stop when he spoke again. "Why would you think I would let alone want to be with you?" Thinking I may have heard him wrong "What?" I asked. "Forgive me for being rude but if you took anything that has been going on as me signalling that I want to be with you then you are sadly mistaken. I think of you as my cum rag that cleans itself, I keep you happy and you'll keep me pleased." he said. Feeling as it my heart was ripped from my chest and left for me to look at. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I damn near wanted to die. "I can't even respond, goodbye." I said before walking up the stairs and into my house as he yelled behind me, "Dont act like a girl man, you can't really believe you could be with anyone of us." Those were the last words he ever said to me I no longer wanted to hear from see or speak to any of the guys.
I was completely in a different world for the next few weeks, I didnt speak to anyone in school and didnt say much at home I was completely destroyed. The school year was coming to a close and I was ready for school to be over so I wouldn't have to see any of the guys. I sat in my science class for the last time counting down the minutes to leave and be done with this place. Mr. Ried (the science teacher) began to speak. "Alright class there is about thirty minutes left of this school year and why not finish it off by leaving early everyone just has to remember to leave immediately and it you have to come back then do so after the bell." He was the cool teacher he was a hippie but not old enough to be one. He may have been in his mid twenties, and had a love for animals.
Everyone started packing up their stuff and he spoke again, "Henry could I speak with you before you leave" As everyone got up to leave I made my way to his desk. "I noticed a change in you from the beginning of the year til now, you started off as a hot shot who was out and proud a massive group of friends, and now you seem so down in the dumps that nothing cn bring you back. What happened?" He asked. I gave him the full story from beginning to end explain everything in detail and gave him all names, it was the end of the year who cares plus I was still hurting.
After spilling my guts and lowering my head he grabs my chin looked me square in the eyes and said. "Listen to me and listen to me very carefully, dont think that because you did what you did with them makes you anyless of a person, dont think that sex has to mean something everytime you want to do it. You control your life if they think of you in a bad way because you slept with them then they need to look in the mirror cause they chose to do it. Nothing and no one in this world should ever make you feel bad about yourself.
If you want to have sex with every man in the world then do so and dont let anyone tell you that you are wrong or nasty for it. Most people look down on those of us that have been with multiple partners but that is because they one cant admit how much they enjoy sex, two they think that because you are with someone in bed means you have to have some type of relationship, three they arent realistic. Maybe one day you will want to be with one person but maybe you will want to keep multiple partners."
"Wait us, you said those of us. Does that mean your gay and have done something with multiple guys too?" I asked. "Yes, I am gay, in fact there were five of them and it may have not been the best choice but I dont regret it, because I bet not no one that hasn't been with as many know how to please anyone half as good a I." he answered. "So does this mean people I want to be in a relationship wont judge me in the future?" I asked back. "If you want to be in a relationship with someone then by all means tell them about the guys in the past because then you will know if they truely care about you. But in the case that you are just going to be with someone sexually you dont have to say that you have had sex with multiple partners at once unless you choose. In the case that you contract something it would be best to tell them." he answered.
"Thank you Mr. Ried I really needed this, if there was something I could do to make it up to you I would no matter what it is." I ssaid. Not intending on meaning anything and not telling him that I would have sex with him but he spoke. "What exactly do you mean by anything?" I was horned up hadn't had sex in quite some time and I could see in his face that that was where he was going with it but I wasnt sure aabout sex with a teacher. "I didnt mean like that Mr. Ried I was just being polite but you did brightn my day, and make me feel alot better." I said. "Well can't you do something to brighten my day and make me feel better, I mean you did say anything and you have already said that it has been a while since you last had sex. Look here it doesn't have to mean anything I wont think less of you and no one has to know."
Feeling quite guilty about telling Mr.Ried I would do anything then refusing to have sex with him and he did say he wouldn;t think less of me "Why Not!" I thought outloud. Things started as with anyone else but turned into something alot different. After everything was over ask I limped home I got to my room and removed my clothed, I was walking to the bathroom when I walked past a mirror and saw a bruise on my side from where he had grabbed me, I turned to get a better look and saw more marks on my back. Feeling so hurt physically I walked into the bathroom to take a shower before I went to sleep. When I got in the shower and leaned down to turn on the water and saw the scratches on my wrists, after the water hit my body I saw a tint in it as it flowed down to the drain. But hey even though it hurt alot he doesnt think less of me.
