I havent finished unpacking but I woke up today and just had to write something was just pulling me to my computer so here it is. Read, comment, vote!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While hanging out one day Sean told me that he was thinking of moving to Texas again. Now the first time he said this he had transfer papers and was ready to leave but when time came down to leave he didnt and it made me so extremely happy. Now that he brought it up again I was thinking he may be serious this time not really wanting to believe he wanted to leave I talked to a friend of ours and she said that we can just make sure he realizes that he will be leaving us in the dust and he cant do that and I agreed with her.
That sunday night I text Sean and told him that I got him a copy of a book we needed for public speaking class, he asked how much he owed me. The book only cost 30 dollars and with us spending money back and forth on each othe I was pretty sure he had spent more than that on me. Not really wanting anything for it i jokingly told him it would cost a kiss. He then said “yeah right.” So I go one to say what about a small one. He answered “Nope.”
So wanting to joke around a bit more I asked "Can we reach some type of compromise?" He then responded “I’m not playing your little game, like I’m gonna lower myself to get something free, I’m not a fucking whore. You’re on something else. Night, keep the book if you’re gonna play an angle like that.” I got furious never had he ever cursed when talking to me and truthfully it hurt like hell. Without calling and blowing up over the phoneI texted him back and said. "It was a fucking joke so calm the fuck down and you must be on something for thinking that I was serious. "His response was “I don’t like joking like that, you should know that by now.”
Devastated that he believed I didn’t know him all, and a bit more pissed off than anything I said "Of course you don’t like joking like that you haven’t had anything to drink and it’s me who you’d be joking with." He then said “I like that you ordered it and all but I feel like I need to pay you for it, it’s not right for you to spend your money on me.” I felt like there was another message within that so I responded, "It seems to me that you want to feminize me and it’s not gonna work." He quickly replied “It’s not like that„, i guess I don’t like people doing things for me… makes me feel dependent. I can’t explain it.”
I didnt need him to explain himself I knew exactly what he was talking about for the most part Im the same way so I said, "I love the fact that your independent but me a person who is your friend is not someone you have to think your depending on." I tried to calm myself before and after sending that message but it really bothered me that he blew up like that. After five minutes I looked back to my phone to see he sent another message. “Ok, sorry I freaked, I’m just really irritated with work and my day so far.” he said. So I sent back to him "That I understand work, school, and everyday bullshit does take a toll on things, so am I still bringing the book tomorrow?" Hoping I had squashed most of the hostility he was carrying. “Sure.” he responded.
Not sure what his problem is now maybe he is still irritated but I dont deal with one word answers that just puts out there that you really dont want to talk. "Are you really gonna do the one word answer thing right now? GoodNight." I said a little more pissed that he answered sure. “Night.” He sent back. I didnt speak to anyone for the rest of the night I know he was mad and all but he never acts that way towards me I just cant believe it. I went to sleep in hopes that he would be ok when I saw him the next day.
When I got to class I took my sit across from him when I handed him the book he mumbled something really quietly about paying me back but I ignored it. Even though I knew he was saying whether I like it or not he is going to pay me back. We barely talk when we’re together anymore silent stares are all we ever use to find out what the other wants to say. Not sure how the connection is that strong but it would seem that we just know each other well enough to know that the other is bothered, nervous, anxious, or irritated.
