Okay I am about to make some moves in my life and will not be posting for a few weeks to a month so I'll do my best to post another chapter or two by Friday but after that I will need some time so bare with me. Read, comment, vote!
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Things were taking a turn for me I had my first actual boyfriend (a senior) and a relationship that started with sex but wasn't based on it. We were always together and just enjoyed each others company and to the rest of the world we were just best friends. We had made it four months into the school year without any problems until it was time for him to start looking at colleges.
I came by his house one day and he was looking through some flyers and when I walked into his room he stuffed them under a book before turning to greet me. "Hey man whats up." he said as if he wasn't doing anything when I walked in. "Oh nothing jut figured I'd swing by and see if you were busy, so what were you looking at?" I asked. "Just some college stuff." he responded a little to quickly. "Ok so why did you stuff it away when I came in?" I quizzed.
"Because I want my focus to be you and I dont want you to be upset." he answered. "Why would I get ups..." I said but didnt finish my sentence as I reached and grabbed the flyers and saw that they were all for school in northern California. "Before you over react just remember A I would have to be accepted, B it doesn't mean I'll just up and leave, and C if I did leave we could make it work." he said as so many thoughts travelled through my head.
I was speechless, I couldnt think of anything that would make me feel better about him being on the other side of the country. "Are you going to say anything?" he asked. "Well I cant be mad if you want to go to school here if thats what you want then go for it. As far as us Im not sure how I feel about staying together when its going to come to an end." I finally said. "Wait do think for a second that Im just going to let you go not without a fight." he said. "No I am not saying that we have to break up not now at least." I said. "Well why would we have to break up at all?" he asked. "We dont." I said not starting the argument that was about to begin.
Weeks went by and he had heard from a few school he had applied to and got into one so he was headed for California after graduation. He didnt hide the news from me he actually took me out to celebrate. We went to a small restaurant with a live band and we ate and talked for a few hours. After dinner he asked me to stay with him for the night and so I did.
The next morning when I got up he wasnt in bed, I got up to look for him and saw he was in the kitchen cooking with his mom. They had a table set for 2 which was odd because there were three of us unless they forgot me. Just as I was about to make myself noticed he turned to his mother and kissed her on the cheek and said "Thank you. He'll love it." I rushed back to his bedroom ran into the bathroom washed my face and rinsed my mouth out a few time, I could have him surprise me with breakfast having tons of crust in my eyes and the breath of a drunk. Afterwards I climbed into bed and closed my eyes as he came in the room.
He kissed my forehead and then my lips causing me to act as if I was waking up. "Morning." he said. "Morning yourself, what time is it are we late for school?" I asked. "It's 11 but no we are not going to school today I have planned a full day of showing you how much you mean to me." he said. "Well alright, whats first?" I let out anxious to see his plans. He gave me a full run down of the day first we were going to have breakfast that he claims he made. Then we drove for a couple of hours and went to a small carnival, we played a few games had a few laughs and then we took a few pictures. After we had enough of the carnival, we drove to a nearby theater and saw parts of the movie as he thought it would be fun to make out and not pay attention to the film.
After the movie we headed to this open field with a huge hill. We walked to the top of the hill to watch the sun set, wrapped in his arms I said something I was soon to regret. "I love you." "This is going to hurt us even more now that you said that." he said. "What does that mean?" I asked. "Nothing babe, nothing at all." We sat there for a bit longer before he got up and said "Ok so ice cream and then home!" We stopped and got ice cream and ate it as we got closer to home. He pulled into my driveway, my parents werent home, he turned to me and looked at me with a bit of pain in his eyes.
"I know I said that we could be together after I moved and that we could try to make this w..." "Don't finish your sentence." I cut him off. "I know exactly where you are going with this I know what your going to say and how this is going to end so my question is" I paused for a moment trying to get the words past the pain. "When do you leave and when do we break up?" I finally let out. "I leave on Friday and we break up now." He said almost coldly. "I saw this coming but I couldnt imagine you going through with it you are so different then other people." I said. "People who are different can still be heartless and cold." he s said back. "I still will love you even from a far." I let out as tears began to fall. "Love is weakness and sharing it with someone means you will be hurt." He said finally just before I saw a tear fall from his right eye.
I reached my door and turned around to wave goodbye but he was already gone. I got inside made it to my room undressed and I took a shower in the hotest water I could, got back to my room and laid down. I didnt cry I just laid there almost lifeless, and I dont remember falling asleep but I remember waking up with my pillow soaked from tears. I didnt move until my phone rang from the closet where I had put my jeans. I answered it and it was Derek, all depressed i spoke to him he said how he had just move not far from me and said that he would be spending the coming weekend at my house. I did my best to sound happy and ready for him to be there but I couldnt even think about anything but my bed right now.
It was now Friday I hadnt gotten out of bed since Tuesday when 84 and I broke up but I knew he would be leaving today so I got up showered for a lot longer than usual and got dressed as if a weight had been lifted from me. It was 3pm and I figured he was on his plane on his merry way to California. My phone vibrated, I looked to see three messages and they read.
'I know you dont want to hear from me but Im about to board a plane and I wanted to tell you I broke up with you for you to enjoy your junior and senior year in high school, I never said I love you back to attempt myself from believing I dont love you but I do with all my heart.'
'Im sorry I was cold towards you but i knew you wouldnt question me letting you go, I am sorry and I dont want you to hate me because we will meet again one day whether it be two year or thirty and I want that day to bring every memory we have of each other flooding back to us.'
'That day is the day I'm looking forward to more than anything else in this world and I pray that you feel the same way about me that I do about you.'
I thought I was about to cry but I didnt I was in a bitter sweet bliss. He loved me and I loved him but our love felt like it was frozen in time or locked away waiting for us to go get it. To this day I hope that when I see him he is right and that when I do see him again I feel everything I once did.
