Shrinking

Chapter Fourteen

Connor’s POV

The fan in my room was whirling above my head, spinning around and around and around. I couldn’t help it as shivers spread up my arm, cold from the air being blown in the room.

“John, can you please turn that god damn fan off?” I yelled, throwing my pillow over my head.

It was 3 in the morning. This was usually the time my geeky roommate, John, reluctantly tore himself from his Xbox controller and toddled up the latter to his bed. He could play for hours on end, sitting in his reclining computer chair and killing people made of pixels. To be honest, I normally wouldn’t give a shit. But for some reason, that for the life of me I couldn’t figure out, the fan always had to be on. He refused to play without it.

“Just let me beat this level!” He retorted, not even bothering to look at me. I was cocooned in my black duvet on the bottom bunk, wearing boxers and a hoodie.

“It’s freezing in here!” I screamed back at him. “You do this every night – it’s the middle of October for fuck’s sake!”

John grunted at me in response, all his attention on the flat screen he had shipped in from Indiana. My patience at an all-time low, I thrust the covers off of me and got out of bed, my bare feet cold on the tile floor. I walked right over the television, looked John straight in the eye, and unplugged it. The entire room went pitch black. I sauntered over to the fan and turned that off as well. We were in utter darkness and silence after I retreated back to my bed.

“I don’t like you,” John told me after a few seconds, still sitting motionless in his computer chair.

“The feeling is mutual,” I muttered as I drifted back to sleep.

*** *** ***

I haven’t really been here the last few days. Physically, I have, but on the inside I’m everywhere. My thoughts slipped in and out of Peyton’s voice – Yesterday was a mistake. Peyton has been gone since Saturday night, or, as I think of it, the night we kissed. It’s Wednesday now. According to Mia, she is supposed to get back in an hour or two.

Part of me wanted to forget about her all together. I’ve liked girls before, plenty of them. I kept telling myself over and over that she’s just another one of them, someone that will slide in and out of my life. But then I thought about her brother, Jamie. And I felt myself shrink up inside, thinking about pain she must be going through.

I’ve never had any siblings, but if I had, I would have loved the hell out of them. When I was a kid, I would lie awake and wish I had someone to go through everything with me. The nights where my mom came home drunk and I could hear my father screaming. This happened often, sometimes my father even traded places and became the drunk one.

“Connor is in the other room sleeping!” He’d screamed.

“Connor?” She’d yelp, clutching her hand to her mouth. “Connor, Connor, where is my baby…”

And I’d hide behind my bed, barely five, scared of the vodka-breath and slurred words. Scared of her.

It was probably best I had no siblings. But Peyton, she loved the kid. I heard it in her voice when she talked about him. I saw it when her lips curled into a smile just at the thought of her baby brother.

I wasn’t mad at her. How could I be? If I were her, I would be falling apart at the seams. But he can get better. And he will.

After my last period of the day, French, I bolted out of the Junior Building and started off towards the courtyard. It was bright outside, the sky blue and clear. I had plans to meet up with Jay, who I haven’t hung out with in forever.