Mágoa | SB19 Josh [SB19 Series #4]

12

Grace's POV

"Why don't you ask your girl last night if I'm okay?" I snapped at Josh then I closed the door on his face. I was livid.

I was maaaad.

I marched back towards the kitchen and sat on the table, my mood sour. I bit at my toast ferociously, not caring if my cellphone kept on ringing.

Josh was calling! Again!

I ignored the call. I don't care. I was mad at him.

Manloloko. Sinungaling. I poked at my scrambled eggs with my fork. Ang tanga mo, Grace. Ilang beses ka bang nagpaloko na ha? Di ka na natuto!

I could feel my tears pricking on my eyes, threatening to spill. I bit my lip, trying to control myself. No, Grace! You are not crying! I scolded myself. You're not falling for another cheater. Not anymore.

I had been stupidly in love. I had been cheated on so many times. If I give in, I'll be even more stupid. I'll be a moron.
I should learn from my mistakes while I have the chance. This is my chance! No matter how much it hurt to have my heart being torn all over again, I have to be strong because in the end, I have no one to fight my battles for me. I only have myself.

I reached for my coffee cup and sipped, trying hard to ignore the pain that my heart was feeling.

This is it Grace, I guess you're just not really meant to be happy in a relationship.

I sighed. Today, was going to be a really long day.

***

"San ba utak mo te? Kanina ka pa tulala," Pamela, my co-worker, asked me at around 3PM later that day. She set a coffee cup in front of me. "Ayan. Baka kulang ka sa kape," she said.

"Thanks," I muttered, gratefully accepting the cup. I was short on caffeine and patience today. I guess it was pretty obvious to everyone, most especially to Pamela who worked beside me.

I was having a bad day. Ever since I saw Josh early this morning, my mood had went downhill from there. I was not able to concentrate on anything that I was doing. I was supposed to develop a new game. I was supposed to think about what my game was like, to visualize the characters that I was going to put in. I was supposed to envision the challenges that my game was going to have, but my brain was fresh out of ideas.

My brain was lagging at the moment. Like an Internet explorer instead of Google Chrome.

My brain was filled with nothing but Josh's cheating face and his cheating laugh and his cheating smile and oh God, I was going to go crazy just thinking about him.

Someone, please make it stop!

"I just had a bad night, Pam," I explained, recalling what happened at the convenience store, not wanting to go into significant details or else I might cry. "And a bad morning," I added, remembering what I screamed at Josh.

I could not get the image out of my mind. Josh's girl and her pretty side profile as well as Josh's laugh was forever etched in my brain.

I cringed. I seemed like a jealous girlfriend.

Was I allowed to feel that way? I'm not even the girlfriend.

But, I'm the wife.

But, he did not voluntarily choose me to be the wife. I was just suddenly thrown into the marriage with him.

Ror. My brain was getting ahead of itself. I don't know what to think anymore. I just want to wallow myself in pity and be miserable for the rest of my life.