The Bull's Horns

Ch 11: Here Again

"Mumbo?" X spoke up, his voice and eyes filled with worry, "Everything okay?"

"Yes um. I think it's time for me to turn in for the night," Mumbo hadn't noticed his leg had started bouncing nervously at the question, "Thanks for rescuing me at Ren's party and letting me read with you," He added and forced a smile, trying not to let his nerves show.

"Oh, okay, It's not a problem. That's what a herd is for right?" X smiled and tilted his head slightly.

"Yes, I guess so," Mumbo nodded as a small genuine smile crossed his face. It was nice to know that Xisuma was listening when he talked about herd hierarchy, and what little he remembered about his home herd. "I'll have to come back sometime to finish this," He added and held out the borrowed book to Xisuma. No doubt the admin had a sorting system that Mumbo didn't want to mess up.

Xisuma shook his head and pushed the book back, which took Mumbo by surprise, "You can borrow it until you've finished it."

"Thanks, X." He popped the book into his inventory before tidying up his spot where he sat. X wrapped up his own book and led him out of his base. Mumbo hoped that the admin couldn't see how his hands shook as he pulled out his elytra. Both said their goodbyes before Mumbo pulled out his rockets and jumped into the air. He would be lying if he said he didn't rush home, using a couple more rockets than he should've. An anxious energy settled under his skin as he glided, though he couldn't pinpoint why he fired off some extra rockets anyways.

His heart soured at the sight of his base. It had been such a long day, and he was ready to crash into his nest. He nearly crashed into the side of his vault only to end up stumbling into the dirt. Hastily he dusted himself off before pulling his elytra off and rushing inside. He didn't bother to fold up his elytra and just tossed it aside on the way to the nest, he would fix it later. He rushed to the room only to unceremoniously fall into his nest.

***

He tried to relax as he settled down, but his body felt stiff and shaky. A shiver crept across his shoulders as he burrowed into the nest, trying to seek out the familiarity only to not find the same comfort as he usually did. It felt like all the nerves he had pushed down were bubbling back up again with a vengeance. Emotions he couldn't quite put his finger on. He was safe in his nest, so why did he feel like he wasn't?! He had to resort to reassuring himself verbally over and over that he was safe in his vault. Telling himself that no one else was planning on ripping his horns off and no one else was in his base but him.

Tears pricked his eyes as he let out a shaky sigh and that was all it took for the tears to start streaming down his face. Overwhelming emotions crashed into his chest and gripped him tight, having to grab a fistful of his shirt and force himself to sit up. His breathing hitched and soon turned into heavy sobs that wracked his body. Blindly he reached out and yanked a blanket from the nest and held onto it like a lifeline. Occasionally letting out a pitiful moo as he waited for the overload of emotions to ebb that currently seemed unending.

He couldn't help but wonder if his herd was still awake, whatever time it was. He really needed them right now, yet he had already bothered them enough today. He didn't want to burden them with his issues. Issues that he couldn't seem to deal with himself and seemed to constantly need help with. A flash of anger bolted through him but quickly dissipated into sorrow. He had done nothing but scare and worry his herd with how weak and pitiful he was. He couldn't even stand up to Ren's anger or even speak up to X about his twin seeing him.

Time seemed skewed as he sat and sobbed, his eyes were too misty to look out the window to find out. There wasn't enough air in the room to quench his frantic breathing, only an abundance of tears streaking down his face. Suddenly pain blossomed in his arms and made him freeze as he stared down at them in horror. At some point, he had dropped the blanket in favor of frantically scratching and digging his nails into himself. His forearms were red and raw with blood oozing from blunt wounds. His herd was going to be so disappointed. A frustrated scream ripped from his throat, why couldn't he get a hold of himself?