LOVE-NAT, isang makulit na love story! ♥ [2 of 2]

Chapter 54-1. Seducing Mr. Perfect!

When you smile, everything’s in place
I’ve waited so long, can make no mistake
All I am reaching out to you
I can’t be scared, got to make a move

Eleonor Malicsi Dimaculangan

What the hell have I done?

Why do I have this heavy feeling in my chest? Like there’s a big, black hole in it.

Honestly, I HATE MYSELF right now. I’m tempted to jump off the cliff and just vanished in thin air. Just like that. Ganito pala feeling ng mga taong suicidal!!! They probably have an insurmountable hatred for themselves or… maybe they have loved someone too much.

How will I not loathe myself???

Somebody tell me… How will you reject the guy you grew up loving like a brother? If I had a magic wand, I wouldnt hesitate casting a spell on me to return the same feelings he tried so hard to hide.

What have I done? God. I’m really fucked up this time!!! Akala ko nung una, ayos lang magtapang-tapangan… ayos lang mag-pretend na malakas ka… na bali-wala lang sayo ang lahat… mas okay mag-patay malisya… kung baga… yung tinuro ko sa inyong style: IGNORE. DEDMA. Pero yung totoo, it was just my way of running away. Hindi pala pagiging matapang yung ganun… hindi eh. Mali pala. Wala palang maidudulot na maayos ang pagdedma. It doesn’t change the fact that I am just a coward – a coward who is afraid to face reality.

Dati, akala ko mabait akong kaibigan… mabait akong tao kahit na minsan pasaway akong anak at estudyante. Oo, mabait na ang tingin ko nun sa sarili ko kasi… matindi ako magmahal ng mga taong importante sakin. I never had the guts to do something na alam kong MASASAKTAN ko sila… pero ngayon… ngayon…

“Oh. Mukhang iiyak ka na.” That deep, smooth voice of Miguel Josef Uy Monteverde surprised me a little as he took the empty space beside me. I was suddenly conscious of the tears that were threatening to fall down. Tama nga siya, I was about to cry. “Maraming tao dito.”

Nasa may Park View kami sa may Tagaytay. Matapos kasi ang pagpupulong ng mga kaibigan ko sa bahay, bigla silang nagyayang mag-road trip kasi sayang naman daw yung pagpapahiram ng daddy ni Borge sakanya nung sasakyan. Naka-convoy kami. Sasakyan ni Borge, ni Ken at Sef. At hindi na din ako nagulat nung tumanggi si Max na sumama.

I glanced up at him a little and quickly looked away, obscuring my face from him. He comfortably sit next to me, yung mga paa namin naka-step doon sa mga talagang upuan. Nandoon kaming dalawa ni Sef sa ilalim nung maliit na kubo, imbes na doon sa sementong upuan doon kami sa rounded na lamesa naka-upong dalawa. Sa harap namin eh isang mala-TAGAYTAY na view. The sky was turning violet in hue and there was a tint of reddish orange for the setting sun. A soft breeze danced its way against the two of us while he continued to drink silently in his can of Root Beer.

For some reason, it felt nice to sit here quietly with this guy… kahit na kanina bwisit na bwisit ako sakanya!!! Sef looked at ease with the silence as well. Parang alam niyang, wala ako sa mood. He didn’t bombard me with questions. That I am thankful for. Ayoko talaga ng tinatanong ako kung okay lang ako, kung anong prublema or whatever.

We sat there for a while, just admiring the sunset, not speaking… probably lost on our own thoughts. At ako… Naalala ko nanaman si Max… the painful gaze I saw in his eyes… especially the words he didn’t even manage to finish…

“Ellie… Sa tingin mo ba… kung hindi tayo…ganito… hindi mo ko kaibigan, hindi kapatid ang turing mo sakin, hindi tayo magkakilala sa ganitong paraan… Sa tingin mo ba… Do you think you could… fall…?”