Back Again | Sapnap ✔︎

13. Gone..

It's been a week since you got saved from Ryan and Julia.

Things haven't been great, which is understandable.

Sapnap got out of the hospital the day after and got sent home with medications to help with his concussion and he was issued a doctor's note that specifically said to do no heavy lifting for a few weeks.

You and Sapnap have been glued at the hip since he got released from the hospital; you're scared to leave his side.

You relapsed the night Sapnap got home and after he went to sleep.

And you have continued to. Every night.

It's getting really bad.

Right now, you're in the shower with Sapnap while he stands behind you, your back pressed flush against his chest as he scrubs shampoo through your hair.

It feels good to have him this close to you, it makes you feel safe.

You close your eyes, humming in delight.

"Feel good?" He says softly in your ear.

You simply nod as he continues to wash your hair and you do the same for him.

After almost an hour in the shower, you both get out and lay down in your bed together.

This has been most of your time the last few days; sleeping, cuddling, and watching movies.

Well, maybe not too much of actual movie watching.

You were about to fall asleep in Sapnap's arms before there's a knock at the door.

"Come in," Sapnap says, sitting up.

You follow suit, leaning up against his chest.

Elijah is standing in the doorway, his phone in his hand.

"Well, I have news.." He starts.

You look at him with a raise of your eyebrow. "What's up?"

He sighs heavily.

"Julia and Ryan were found."

Your eyes widened. "Really?"

He nods silently.

"Well isn't that a good thing?" You question, growing more and more confused.

"Yeah, I suppose so.." He starts. "Yeah, they were found, as I said. But they weren't found alive."

Your expression falls.

"What happened?"

Elijah walks closer to your bed slowly as he speaks. "The police say they were found at the bottom of a bridge not too far from the place where we found you."

You feel your eyes start to tear up.

"So they killed themselves?"

Elijah nods.

You scoff. "Wow. Well isn't that just pathetic."

You can feel Sapnap tense underneath you, reaching out to take his hand in your own.

"I'm never gonna get my justice, hm?"

Elijah nods, eyes glued to the floor beneath him.

"I'm really sorry, y/n.."

You sigh. "It's fine, Elijah. I don't care."

Elijah shutters and quietly exits the room, unsure of what else to say.

You lay back down along with Sapnap, room completely silent besides the small voices coming from the TV.

"Do you need to talk about anything, m'lady?"

You shake your head lightly, feeling the tears sting in your eyes.

"It's fine. I'll be fine."

Sapnap sighs.

"Okay."

——————

It's been a few hours since Elijah broke the news.

You still don't know exactly how to feel, so you've just been laying around, doing pretty much nothing.

You asked Sapnap to give you some space a bit ago, but you're now thinking to yourself that maybe that wasn't the smartest idea.

You can feel the urge to relapse getting stronger as you sit there, left all alone by your thoughts.

You can still feel him on you.

You can feel the cold air of the basement making goosebumps on your skin.

How will you recover from this?

And, just as if he was reading your mind, Sapnap comes back in the room, his facial expression softening as he sees the streams of tears coating your red cheeks.

"Oh, my love," he says with a frown, coming to sit next to you, wiping your tears with his thumb.

His touch so gentle, the calluses on his fingers making your skin tingle.

You both sit there in silence.

The dreaded feeling that filled the air was one that may never go away, you felt.

You wanted, needed, to be alone.

"Sap, could you leave.. please."

He looks at you, a pained gaze in his eyes.

"Yeah, of course, y/n. I'll give you all the space you need," he says with an understanding nod.

He gets up and walks to the door of your bedroom.

But before he can walk out, he turns to look at you one last time.

"Please tell me you'll be safe."

You look down at your hands, barely visible by the tears in your eyes.

"I will, you don't need to worry about me."

Sapnap sighs with defeat and walks out, leaving you alone again.

"Why do I keep pushing him away," you say for nobody to hear but yourself.

"I don't feel like I'm even doing any good here anymore.."

You look away from your hands, over to the drawer where you keep the blades.

Just thinking, contemplating on doing what you've been meaning to do for the last few days.

The rest of the next few minutes came and went, and before you knew it, you were nude.

In a bathtub full of red-colored water..

Stained by your own blood..

Gone.

~————~

word count: 964

oh my god y'all it's been TOO DAMN LONG.

i've been so incredibly busy over the last year or so, hence why you haven't gotten an update in like.. 8 months i think.

that's completely on me, and i apologize.

BUT, since i'm here, i'm planning on getting more consistent.

i have the next few chapters already mapped out in my head, so hopefully those will flow faster and i can bring this book to an end within the next few weeks.

ANYWAY, enough rambling from me.

you guys know what to do ;)

- phoenix ♡︎