Getting Away From Him

Serene~P.O.V~

I felt all the warmth leave my body. How did he get in my home? Now for sure he'll know about my boys. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. A tear falls from my eye and he quickly moves towards me, on instincts I move myself back. I don't know what he'll do to me. He's capable of doing anything to me especially now.
"Princess, I'm not going to hurt you please don't cry. I came here to talk to you. And I need answers from you directly. I already had a conversation with Bones, now I need you hear from you. Please be honest and completely transparent with me." I didn't understand at first. He's never spoke like this to me. It's always him demanding things from me not him wanting to hear me out. I get myself together and remember I have to be strong for my boys. They need their mama to be brave and strong right now. So I take a deep breath and nod my head yes. I start to talk only to be interrupted by my phone. I grab my cell from my back pocket and see it's Bones calling. I decide to put it on speaker, so he knows I'm not hiding anything from him.
"Hey stranger."
"Hey, sorry to bug you but I had an interesting conversation with Diesel and now he's no where to be found. Noone here knows where he went." I look up to meet his eyes only for him to shake his head and place a finger on his lips.
"Wait first what conversation would that be and two why does it sound as if I would know where he would be?" He took a deep breath in and said, "he asked about you and the boys. He knows about the babies. I told him that you always debated on telling him."
"I still do Bones. I wanted to have a sit down with him and tell him about these beautiful little princes I have. And how they make his facial expression or how everyday I wish that some how he can be apart of their lives. And me knowing that he would never hurt them. I'm still debating with myself."
"I know darling, that's exactly what I told him was that if it was up to me I would say no. But it's not and those boys will one day want to know who their bio dad is. And I being a father feel bad that he's missing out on so much."
"Me too Bones. Do you think he would come by again and try to see my babies?" The whole time I was talking to Bones, I didn't break eye contact from Diesel. So he would know that I meant every word and I was honestly being sincere.
"Look darling if he does go by hear him out let him meet those precious boys and give him a chance to be a father to them ok?"
"I'll try I will really try. I'm going to let you go, the boys are starting to wake up."
"Ok sweetheart give them kisses from us."
"Will do."
After I hung up the phone Diesel walked up to me and placed his hand on the side of my face. I closed my eyes, scared of him slapping me instead.
"Open your eyes please princess." I slowly opened them and looked up to him. His eyes were glossy. Is he going to cry? This is the first time I see any other emotion than anger in him.
"Can you please forgive me and let me try to be a father to our babies?" I look up to him and say, "I'll try to forgive you, far as you being a father to them that will take alot on your part. How would you see them so often when you live in another state?" He stood quiet before pulling me into his arms and kissing my forehead and saying,
"I wanted to propose something to you but first can I see them?"
"Um yeah, they're napping in their room. So far they haven't been sleeping much I don't know what's wrong and their pediatrician doesn't know either."
"What you mean what's wrong?" He had a look of worry across his face.
"They've been extremely fussy and not wanting to sleep much and cry alot. Even after their feedings."
"Huh, are you breastfeeding them?"
"No, I always formula fed them. Since it'll be so hard when I go back to work to be pumping so much." He didn't like my answer and just nodded his head.
"Do you think it can be their formula upsetting their stomachs?"
"I've been thinking that, earlier I was thinking of trying to latch them on. But I don't know if I still have my milk. It's been a bit." Then we heard their cries. So I hurried and walked down the hall to where their room is. They both were crying bloody murder.
"It's ok my babies, mommy is here. It's ok." I quickly grabbed Damone out first and handed him to Diesel. He looked terrified.
"Just slowly and gently pat his back. Let me get Damian real quick." And as soon as I put Damone in his arms, he started to quiet down. Not even Vince has gotten them to quiet down that fast. I got Damian out of his crib and walked over to the rocking chair and decided to latch him on. Just to see if I did have milk still. And to my surprise I did. He latched on so fast, he was eating like he hadn't ate forever. I let out a soft chuckle at him, while he ate I gently traced his nose and held his tiny hand. I just hummed to him while he ate. Damone was so quiet that he fell back to sleep on Diesel. When I looked up and made eye contact with him, I felt the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. Like something had woken up inside of me. Call me dumb but he had this look of serene on his face. After I had burped Damian I traded the boys with Diesel and started to feed Damone on the other side. He just gently rubbed Damian's back and hummed to him. After both boys were fed and burped we placed them back in their cribs and walked out. As soon as I closed the door, he grabbed my waist and pushed me against the wall. He didn't hesitate to just slam his lips on mine and kiss me with such urgency. Like I was his life line. I gave in to him after I few seconds of him kissing my lips. I ran my hand over the back of his head while he pushed himself into me. On instinct he grabbed me behind my legs and I wrapped them around his waist. He walked us to the living room, once he started kissing my neck. I pulled away and told him to stop. Both of us are panting trying to catch our breaths. How can I allow myself to just fall back in to his web of lies and abuse?