Our family life

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       No one ever tells you how hard life can be. Having toddlers and newborns can be truly hard. I decided that I needed to learn how to manage my life myself. Even though the club wanted to help out. I still only depended on myself. After four months of the same routine of me pumping and feeding my babies, cooking for my toddlers, laundry cleaning, and bathing them. I gotten down a great schedule. Today I decided to take my kiddos all 4 of them to visit their dads. I show them pictures of them and tell them goodnight stories of their daddies. I just wished they were here to experience all this with me. My baby girl calls out her daddies all the time. Even when she cries she say "Da da-da-da" over and over. Like I'm the bad guy. Hahah. She would've had them wrapped around her little finger. I asked one of the prospects to please go with me. Since it's all grass I know my kiddos would want to play around and that way he can also take a couple of family pictures of us there with my men.
         *****Two hours later******
We just got back and it went pretty good. My older boys fell asleep in their stroller and my babies were up playing with the flowers I brought with us. The prospect took cute pictures of me and the kiddos at the grave sight. It felt as if they were there with us. Now it was time to make dinner and get the kids changed and comfy. After dinner I had to bathe all four kids. I normally place them all in the tub and take them all a shower at the same time. I have to drag in the bouncer chairs for my younger ones and my boys are great on helping themselves to get dressed. After they lay down in my room and I put on their favorite cartoons I shower a quick one. And we all sleep together. I couldn't get over the fact that my bed was now empty. I wasn't squished between my men anymore. So I have allowed my babies with me. Everyone keeps telling me to move on and find someone else but how? How do you just move on? I can't imagine kissing another man that wasn't them, or another man touching me the way they did. They were it for me. Even though Diesel had a lot of bad flaws to him, even him hitting me. He was still the father of my kids. How can I replace those memories of him rocking his kids to sleep or talking to our unborn babies. I've thought bout how my kids need a dad figure, but then I remember who their fathers were. And I start laughing to myself. They were both these big meaty men who were so overprotective of me and them. And how they probably would find a way to haunt me if I moved on. Knowing Diesel he would. Hahaha. Man I miss the kisses the cuddles, even the cute names they would call me. I noticed how fast they all fell asleep. I was still wide awake. I decided to make sure everything was locked up and turned off.
As I was standing in my kitchen I heard the commotion outside. It was in the parking lot close to the clubhouse. I opened my door and stepped outside. There was this really tall handsome looking man there. They were all laughing and talking. He was smoking a cigarette when he turned his head towards me. He nodded his head at me and I stood there not knowing what to do. Thank goodness one of the other guys who's name is wolf whispered something to him and he nodded his head acknowledging what he told him. He then stubbed his cigarette out and started walking towards me with wolf. The whole time wolf kept shaking his head. I on the other hand was nervous. Like I said I haven't talked to any other man since my men passed away. I was standing there in my shorts and tank top with a sweater unzipped. I then remembered I wasn't wearing a bra so I crossed my arms to cover myself up.
  "Hey, Serene"
"Hey Wolfe. What's up?"
  "Nothing, did you need anything or were we being too loud?" I started to chuckle.
  "No, no I was just being nosy. Since the kiddos are all asleep I was wide awake. Is everything ok?"
"Yeah, oh yeah this here is Hades his real name is Tommy." He reached his hand out I shook it. It was a weird tingle feeling I got. "Nice to meet you Hades. Did you guys want to come in? I have some left overs from dinner today." They both agreed and came in. I hurried myself and warmed up the food for them. I had the pictures we took today on the counter. Hades grabbed them and was looking at them.
"You have some great looking babies. Sorry for your loss." I hate that saying like I didn't loose them they just passed away. I nodded my head as thanks. The food was done and I called them both over to the table. Right when I was about to sit down with them my baby girl started to cry. My baby girl's name is Athena Rose and my baby boy's name is Vincenzo after his daddy. They both carry Vince and Diesels last name. I added Vince's to my baby boys names. I went and got her from the room.

(Athena Rose)She's so cute her cheeks turn rosy when she cries

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(Athena Rose)
She's so cute her cheeks turn rosy when she cries. I was shushing her when she spotted Tommy sitting at the table. She then said "dada...dada" and kept trying to reach for him. "No no baby that's.." I was cut off when Tommy stood up and came up to me. Athena literally threw herself into his arms. It broke my heart how bad she wanted a daddy. In a weird way he kind of looked like Vince, but a few years younger. "I'm sorry she's probably mistaking you as Vince. You do look somewhat like him."
"It's ok. I'm going to rock her to sleep real quick. I'm a pro I babysit my nieces and nephew sometimes." He then walked back to his seat and kept rocking her over his shoulder and started to eat as soon as she fell asleep. I got up to grab her, but he said he was fine to let her sleep a bit more before he put her back on the bed. I don't know how to feel about this. I sat there just in shock how she reacted to him. Even Wolfe was speechless. Athena didn't allow anyone else to carry her except for Wolfe and Zach the prospect. They were the only males in her life that she would allow carry her. I'm in no head space to have a relationship with anyone new. What is my kid signing me up for.

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