ariana is deeply in love with her boyfriend demario. they've enjoyed a bliss-filled life while studying abroad in rome. she's certain her future with him will be long and joyous. but, this imagined future suddenly comes crumbling down once she disco...
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Ariana Belle Fletcher Rome, Italy 10:55pm
the spring rain flashed into rome. it poured down sheets of water, flooded the cobblestone streets, and left me trapped inside my apartment. luckily for me, demario did an excellent job disappearing from my life.
he finally got the message and left me alone.
good, i hope he enjoys sleeping on the floor of one of his losers friends' dorm
here in my little studio shoebox apartment, while the rain cascaded down nonstop from the sky, i could stew in my misery and mutually shared hatred for demario and juju.
tomorrow, i will leave for a class ski trip to the alps. I had convinced demario to go with me ages ago. but he only agreed to go once he found out juju was going.
when i reflect on the nature of their relationship, some things now seem clear to me. signs that the two of them were more than just study partners.
how could i have been so blind? so naive
i was desperate for demario's attention. i keep searching for the moment where demario would see me and truly me. not the passing glance but the feeling of being seen and understood.
i wanted to taste that experience again and was chasing to recreate the first moment he saw me. the first time where i saw a shimmer of love, attraction, and desire building up in his dark chocolate-colored eyes.
now i can see that the love he carried in his eyes when he looked at me was gone. every time he gazed at me, his eyes were dull and blank. the spark was gone, and i'm going to make sure he knows i now feel the same way about him, out of love and moving on.
"i don't think i love you like i use to"
the words still ring in my ears, running on the same loop. each word cuts out my heart, making a new wound that will leave an old scar.
i refuse to carry this pain inside me and need some way to let it out.
i've decided i'll make sure he knows he is worthless to me. he is nothing.
and for her?
my unruly mind flashes back to the image of juju and demario at the cafe. then, another memory of them together at a mutual friends' italian movie night.
how disgustingly bubbly she was with my boyfriend. how over the top she was with her gestures. she slid her delicate hands over his arms, down his tone neck.
