Severus Snape Oneshots

The Picnic with the Prince of Darkness

Professor Snape and I sit next to the lake behind Hogwarts eating sandwiches that I made. I practically had to black mail him with a certain topic pertaining Professor McGonagall to get him to come down here. No wonder he's so pale- he's likely never seen the sun.

I lean against the tree as I bite into my sandwich. We make small talk until we somehow get into a heated debate over cartoon characters. A little while back I had found out that he is a half blood so he understands muggle references.

"Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck, Pluto is a dog. What's Goofy...?" I ask, biting into my chicken sandwich. I stare at the lake as I await his response.

The professor sighs before rolling his eyes at my, and I quote, "pointless questions"... Personally, I consider them to be valid...

"He's a dog, he's definitely a dog..." He states as though it were obvious.

"He can't be a dog, he wears a hat and drives a car..." I say, tilting my head as I furrow my eyebrows. I stop chewing and pause for a moment, thinking deeply about it. From the corner of my eye I see Professor Snape watching me with an amused gaze, curious as to what I'll say next.

"Yeah, that is weird.. What the hell is Goofy?" I scoff, shaking my head in confusion.

The man smirks and looks down at the sandwich in his hand as he shakes his head.

"Your theories never cease to amaze me..  And frighten me, if I am being quite honest." He says with a small grin.

I feel no need to finish my sandwich, having already eaten the sides that I had brought along. I noticed that the last time  Professor Snape took a bite was over two minutes ago. 

"Let's go feed the ducks the rest of our sandwiches." I state, pointing to the lake with a smile.

He shakes his head no, surveying the land. I sigh with a small frown.

"C'mon Professor! It won't hurt if we give them just a little." I say, lifting an eyebrow with a cheeky smile.

A moment passes by before he sighs, hesitantly nodding his head. He stands up and brushes the crumbs off of his black robes. His sets down his black cloak on the plaid blanket we were sitting on previously. With his mostly eaten sandwich in hand, he approaches the lake.

While waiting for him to get up, I had already disposed of my leftover crumbs. He steps a few feet closer to the shore and begins to throw small pieces out onto the top of the lake. I watch as the man in black continues to throw bits of bread onto the surface of the water, the ducks much closer to him than before.

One of my (many) random appearing thoughts pops into my head and I immediately burst out laughing. I clench my stomach as I bend over at the waist.

He immediately turns his head, confused as to why I was laughing.

"What?" He asks, turning back to throw another piece of bread onto the lake.

His moving black hair and intense angry/confused glance only makes me laugh even harder as I watch him throw food out to the birds. He mutters something under his breath with a shake of his head.

"Y-Yo.. You.." I stutter out, wiping some tears away from my eyes.

"I what?". He lowly asks, narrowing his eyes at me.

"You.. Y-You look like..." *I wheeze* "Like if Ozzy Osbourne were to.. to f-feed chickens!" I burst out laughing and I feel my face grow red as I struggle to breathe.

I don't even flinch when the man throws a piece of bread at me, a protest of disagreement against my comparison.