Worthy Of Love

Terrible decisions

Jimin:

There should be two things, I should not be allowed to do. Ever. Again.

One. To drink so much that I have no grasp on reality.

Two. To never sleep with someone else, especially if I have been feeling something for someone who I won't be waking up with after doing the deed.

News flash, I did both last night.

I honestly do not remember much of last night, after a certain point in the evening, I was pretty much blacked out. So imagine my surprise when I woke up feeling queasy and the dinner along with the alcohol that I ingested makes an reappearance this morning in my toilet and then I come back to my bed, seeing a blonde chick, who I have no recollection of sleeping with.

Fuck.

Fuck is the right but a terribly small and incapable word for what I was feeling right now.

I sat with a flump on my bed, the old springs of the bed screeching under my weight, giving absolutely no shit about the woman who was knocked out on my bed.

This was not supposed to happen.

No, it was not. Yesterday, I wanted to come back home with Olivia. I wanted to spend one last night with her in this room before I leave tomorrow. I wanted to ask her out on a date, even if the probability of her saying yes, was less than zero. Because I knew she did not feel the same about me.

The feelings that have haunted me for months, from the mere touch of her hands to her eyes looking at me with emotions swirling in them. Her dress last night almost made me lose my cool as soon as she peeled off the coat in the club, the yellow dress contrasting on her chocolate skin was like a warm sunshine gracing the earth. But the fitting, that of a little demon, which tempted me. Hugging her curves in all the right places, her wine stained lipstick adorning her small, plump lips. Her khol lined almond eyes looking at me as if she was seducing me without words. I remember how she stood at the bar, with her hair falling softly on her shoulders, her breasts, of which there was an healthy display of in form of her cleavage, despite the dress covering most of it. How her lashes fluttered everytime she wanted to entice me, how her smile had me come undone without even speaking a word. Just thinking about it shot right down to my groin.

It's fucking 7AM. Damn.

But my drunk stupor, clearly had another plan.

The chick beside me was nothing short of a beauty, I am sure she must have fucked like a pornstar, given the amount of hickies and bruises I have left. But she was nothing in front of Olivia, she didn't have the cheeks on which I could pull on, she didn't have the same button nose which would be a darker shade of red during cold nights, she didn't have the skin that tasted like melting chocolate. She was nothing in comparison to my Olivia.

I chuckled lightly at how ironic it was, she was not technically mine, rather she was far from it. But in my head, I belonged to her, every single bit of my mind and soul belong to her. It was also an irony as to how it happened and how fast it happened, how I knew exactly when I was fucked, how I knew I wanted her more than just as a friend you sleep with. I wanted her- more-more than anything that I have ever wanted. How my desperation claws at me whenever she bites her lips absent mindedly, how my heart lurches when her hand brushes against my face as she calls my name in the softest tone, how my longing grows everytime she puts me to sleep while patting my head as I doze off on her lap. It was pathetic how deep I was under her spell.