Worthy Of Love

Trashtalk

Olivia

I am a clown.

How many times do you have to go through the same thing? Until you learn your lesson.

Consider lesson learnt.

I should have known that it was too good to be true. There was nothing more than sex, nothing more than infatuation because I was different. At the end of the day, you end up with people who are the same kind of fucked up you are. Looks like my place is in the trash can, given how I fail to learn my lessons without being put to utter humiliation.

I didn't see this coming, truthfully. I didn't think Park Jimin would pull a Uno skip card on me after being with me for six months.

But surprise motherfucker. He did.

My mind went back to this evening in his apartment, during the particular moment when shit went down.

"Bub, are you alright?" I asked as I saw his face turn into the look of pure horror.

What's going on? I thought.

"Jimin....what...what's wrong?" I asked again but this time my thoughts going somewhere south.

"I-I am sorry. But...I gotta leave." He said as he fumbled out of the shower.

Stunned, I stood under the water for a minute or two. But as soon as I came to, I turned the shower off and wrapped the towel around me so I could get an idea about what was going on.

"Jimin! What's going on?!" I asked as I walked out of the bathroom and saw him frantically wearing his clothes, as if he was scared of something.

He looked at me, his face turned into a disturbing expression. One that kinda said that he couldn't give two shits about me. What was worse, is that, just 10 minutes ago we were having sex like animals. Somehow the realisation of what he might be thinking kept on getting worse and worse by the passing minute.

"Just.....I just need to be alone. Please." He spoke and my heart sunk 10 feet deep under water.

I tried to calm my breath, though it was a fail. My throat constricted as my lungs seemed to not be getting enough air.

Inhaler, I need my inhaler.

"Jimin, you're really hurting me right now...." I said, my voice coming out in pants as I felt myself spiralling again.

"I cannot do this right now Olivia!" He almost screamed and then he left.

Like a storm, everything happened so quickly that I couldn't think. As the silence engulfed me, I fell down. My legs gave up on me as I sat there panting. It took me a minute to realise that I really wasn't able to breathe, so I dragged myself to the small table near the bed where I kept my inhalers.

That was a moment of vulnerability for me and he just walked all over it. It hurt worse than it should have because he had given me hope. I was willing to accept that he didn't care for me like that even after he had told me that he liked me, romantically. But then, he kept on doing things that no one had ever done for me until I was somewhat convinced that he wouldn't leave me hanging in a vulnerable moment.