Worthy Of Love

Past and Present

Jimin:

Ever since the New Year's Eve, Olivia and I had fell back to a known rhythm, just as it was before things went down to hell. Albeit, we were busier than we used to be but we have never been better. Months had passed by us like a whirlwind, especially when I wanted time to slow down, it whipped by us leaving us to address the elephant in the room.

It was March. Olivia had submitted her project and she passed with flying colours. Leaving us to realise that our time together was short. The night her results came in, I was a mix of apprehension and nerves. I wanted her to pass, I really did. I saw the project she worked on and her talent shine through her work. But in the back of my head, my selfish nature voiced it's apprehension, it didn't want Olivia to go. I had to shut it down by convincing myself that I would soon join her in LA. That we would be together as we worked on our dreams.

But the lost time between us made me feel angry, that we wasted it. That we didn't have enough time to make up for the same. Yet, when the results came, I felt nothing but pride and happiness for Olivia. She hugged and kissed me, seeing how well she had done and was almost surprised that she was one of the top five students in the graduation class of her year. She also cried, almost realising that her dreams were no longer going to be dreams, that her past didn't dictate her present, that her scars from the old days doesn't tell her story the way her moving forward with her life does.

My arms wrapped around her shaking body, letting her soak in everything that she was feeling. Her tears soaked my sweatshirt but I didn't care, all I did was pull her on my lap and pat her head, kiss her hair and trace her spine as she calmed down. Once she calmed down, she looked up at me with puffy eyes and tear stained face, I uttered sweet nothings and how proud I was. She simply smiled and let her reality sink in.

Since then, the countdown had begun. We didn't talk about it particularly, but we both knew it hung around us like a guillotine waiting to drop. Until one fine day, Olivia had said that we needed to stop pretending and actually start doing things that we would remember until we had to part. A nagging voice in my head told me that she was trying to break us apart when the reality was much different.

Olivia wanted us to date, truly. So we did. She had a list of things she had never done, it was all really cheesy, most people would often say cringey. But I really didn't care, after we ticked off every little item from her list, Olivia had the biggest smile on her face. Like she couldn't contain it within herself and it would rub off of on me. We went to amusement parks, we went to festivals, we went to castles wearing Hanbok and museums followed by a dinner in cafe. We also went for a trip in Jeju Island for a weekend when I could get a weekend off, had tonnes of food, played around in the sea and with fireworks, had enough sex to last a lifetime and then went back to reality.

But one of her bucket list was to go on an already planned date. When I had heard about it, I had to pull some major strings to plan it. I had Jungkook ask her what her ideal date is through a game of truth and dare, I had to get to Yuki Noona to know what her favourite flowers are, I had to ask Yoongi Hyung how I could make a gift by myself and not spend thousands on it. Lastly, I had to rent a three peace suit and make a reservation.

I was in no way, utterly broke. My job paid me enough to pull through a month with some money to save under my name. And because I practically wasn't living in the apartment, my utility bills were negligible. The food bills were shared amongst me and Olivia, we cooked whenever we could because it was a wonderful bonding opportunity and a learning experience for me. But still, to get a reservation in an expensive restaurant was a bit of a stretch. So instead, I did something that would make things more meaningful. Everyone had agreed to help me out, which made things ultimately easier and cheaper.