Worthy Of Love

Begging

Jimin

"I know."

The words resounded in my head throughout, bouncing of the walls until I registered it.

"You....what?" I asked, this conversation wasn't getting any easier.

She looked like she never intended to say what she just said and it sent me down the spiral even further.

"What do you mean by that, Olivia?" I pressed further. Desperate to know what led to her leaving that night.

If I wanted to get her back, I needed to hear it. I needed to get through talking about the past which was effectively hindering with what could be something of a wonderful future.

I know last night was not a mistake, while it wasn't the most favourable, I knew it wasn't a mistake. I may not have known her tells like I used to know about them but I knew that Olivia wasn't completely unaffected by my actions last night. Initially, I only wanted to tease her a bit but her reaction spurred me on, I tried to stop but her expressions, her flushed skin, her legs on my lap, her trying not to moan out loud. It spurred me on further, it didn't help when she came out of the bathroom, lips swollen, skin flushed even deeper shades of red. My feet carried me to be around her, near her, like I wanted to settle into her skin, imprint myself into her person and when her hands set softly on my chest, when she came closer, when her eyes looked at my lips and her hands in my hair, it did unspeakable things to me. Things I hadn't felt in so long and it just came across as a slap when she looked like she had made some kind of a grave mistake, I didn't give a fuck that she pushed me away, I cared that she looked like she shouldn't have allowed something like that to happen.

Back home I was pacing around the house like a madman left on a leash which only suffocated me, I knew where the problem was but we both walked on eggshells whenever the topic came up. And it didn't help that she never wanted to talk about it. So without rhyme or reason, I showed up at her place mid-afternoon, desperation getting the best of me.

I tried to take it slow, I really tried. But it has been nine months, in grand scheme of things, it is not a lot of time. But I only had so much time left with her because the next shoot was set to be shot in Scotland and Saudi, the crew would be travelling from one location to another for minimum of five months. I do not have the luxury to waste time.

"Olivia, please," I begged. I didn't know what else I could do to make her talk.

She sighed, looked tired from yesterday's party and tired overall, shoulders slumped, hair sticking all over the place, dark circles under her eyes, face pale. It also didn't help that she was in nothing but a t-shirt covering her modesty, imagine a full figure, lush in all the right places, covered by a teeny tiny t-shirt that did nothing to ease the want that unfurled under your stomach, bed hair and face swollen. It didn't help one bit that she was biting her lip, it didn't help that the slight fragrance of vanilla laced her like a delicate charm. Her sitting in front of me was a test to my self control. But I promised myself, no more liberties till I fix this, till she eases into my touch like she used to, till she allows me the same

"The night you came over..." She started, hesitating "I had passed out after you left due to a...an asthma attack, so I didn't have an opportunity to reach out to you."

I remember that night, I waited that whole night, for something. A call, a text or a knock on my door to just....anything. Crying, fighting, something. But I didn't realise back then that what I had said back then was detrimental, I didn't know back then that I had accused someone of cheating and then walked out of there leaving Olivia in tears, calling her names because I assumed that she was the same as Suyeong.