Worthy Of Love

Past the walls

Trigger Warning: Non-consensual acts, manipulation, mention of abuse.

Olivia:

"If you don't meet me tonight, I might hurt myself.....and you will be the reason why. I will make sure that everyone knows, including your father." He said, his voice gruff and hands heavy as he whispered in my ear.

"Please, let me go." I whimpered, his touch repulsive and the stench of alcohol wafting from his breath.

"Oh sweet baby, you're mine. You don't know it yet but you are." His proximity was uncomfortable, he was too close.

"Now, open your mouth for me, my sweet baby. Let me kiss you." He said, his length prominent on my stomach as he pulled me closer into his embrace.

"Please...." He forced his kiss on me before I could say anything.

Please, please, please. Let me go.

His tongue invaded my mouth, the feeling of his slimy tongue disgusting against mine.

This was my first kiss.

I pulled my face away but his rough hands turned my head back so he could keep kissing me. I wanted to hurl. He pulled  me closer against him so that my front was flushed to his front, his length prominent.

"Feel that? That's all you, my sweet baby." He said as he kissed my throat.

"I want to see you tonight, otherwise there will be consequences."

I reached for my toilet bowl, thinking something would come out. But I mostly dry heaved, there was no food in my stomach that it could reject. I sit by the wall next to my shower after dry heaving for a few minutes, the water ran hot on my skin. Almost scalding. I wanted to wash that memory, burn his touch from my skin. Even if it meant I would end up being blistered.

It had been seven years, since that night. I wished that biology was true, that someday I would have a body that he never laid a hand on. Though I cannot say that I wouldn't feel the phantom of his touch. It always happens whenever things start to spiral, when I roll down the cliff, going so fast that no one could catch me.

My fight with Rik, Jimin dancing with someone else last night and the fight with Jungkook where he called me names, all crashed down on me at once. I woke up feeling shitty, despite not having more than two beers last night. I was painfully sober. Yet I couldn't get out of bed today, my body refusing to move an inch as if I was tied to the mattress.

I lied to Jungkook when I said that I woke up from a nap. The truth was, I could barely get up from my bed. My place looked like a mess, I hadn't had proper food all day. If snicker bars, teas and energy drinks are considered a meal then yes, I had food.

I got up from the bathroom floor when I felt the water running cold, turning the shower off. I had finally dragged myself out of my bed because I felt dirty, I wasn't sure that I felt dirty because I hadn't taken a shower all day or because I felt his touch searing on my skin. I dressed up in shorts and a t-shirt, letting my wet hair down as I sat on the floor in front of the full-size mirror. I didn't know why I was sitting there but I just was. I couldn't even look at myself properly, despite the scalding shower I felt dirty.